Nikos the Impaler

This movie is obviously a low budget splatter-flick as clearly expressed on the cover. I don't understand why reviewers are expecting great acting and Hollywood special effects. This is a project done by people who really just love what they do, and they do it for free. If you're looking for Hollywood stuff then watch Hollywood stuff. I personally enjoy this movie very much and I suggest it often because I personally know what it's like to create with no capitol. I rarely see a big budget film that sticks in my mind long enough to recommend it to others. Niko's decapitates and disembowels New York with no big names and zero budget. Andreas Schnaas writes, directs, acts and creates his own special effects. He will make it happen with rocks and dirt if he has to. Hollywood needs a thousand hands and millions of dollars and can't even do remakes well the majority of the time. Peace.

Wow, I'm rather amazed I've seen a lot of bad horror movies in my life, but this one is probably the worst yet. I haven't seen any of Andreas Schnaas' other movie, but from what I've read this is his best movie. So I might just have to see the rest to see if it's really possible to make anything worse then this one. The acting was crappy, not really the biggest surprise this is after all a low-budget B-movie. But usually B-movie know how to make fun/interesting killing. This is not the case in Nikos. Basically Nikos is just a crappy Jason-clone who walks around killing people with his big-ass broadsword. and that's all he does! A guy walking around killing people with a big sword can actually make a decent movie, if the killer does it in new and interesting ways. Nikos doesn't do that, he just lobs of people's heads (with a few exceptions not may though).

I wouldn't recommend this money to my worst enemy, no one should be made to watch this movie, it's simply too crappy.

This movie is ridiculous. Let me add that it is fun to sit around with a bunch of friends and watch, and there's two ways to go about it. You can either put it on mute, and make up your own lines, or turn it up and listen to the ridiculous dialogue and hear people with no talent (for the most part) deliver lines. Nikos is a Romanian Barbarian or something who gets killed or something and some buffoons bring him back in modern day New York. He then proceeds to run rampant around awful sets and the few places that the film makers were allowed to shoot. Bloods flows. Much blood. I think the f/x are fantastic for what the $3.50 budget allowed. The team does a great job with what they had, and I'm guessing it was not that much. Then there's your lead characters. The guy that plays Frank has got to be kidding me. Ham is not the word. He seems to stumble throughout the film as though he's in the worst cartoon to date. Get a paper route my man. Felissa Rose, the one with the mouth from Sleepaway Camp, has her moments. But they're generally not when she's talking. Darian Caine skanks up and gets naked. There's a girl in this film, I think she's supposed to be Velma from Scooby-Doo, but she's a bit less believable than the cartoon character. There's also a bunch of doofy college kids and some dude with huge clownish hair. As for the people I have mentioned, I'm surprised they can read. Congrats. Then there's a dozen or so cops walking around this picture. I think they had 3 costumes between them all. My heart bleeds for the two officers in the movie theater, as their goofy uniforms almost take away from the fact that they're amongst a handful of people in this movie who actually belong on a screen. The short cop throws in some ham for us, the tall cop actually shows concern for the situation(he probably got fined for actually acting) and then tosses in some blatant Schnaas plugs. What does all of this mean? Rent it, buy it, steal it, whatever.....get a group of friends and watch the blood flow. That's why you get this movie. Schnaas obviously had a lot of fun throwing this together, using what he had, stretching it out, and Schnaasing it up as Nikos.

Prepare to laugh like you've never laughed before, people. Andreas Schnaas is the new Ed Wood! He can barely line up a shot, and whoever edits for him acts like he just bought his first iMac and is trying to puzzle his way through iMovie without reading the manual or even the onscreen tutorial. This is absolutely glorious cheese, a one-movie festival of filmmaking ineptitude, with performances that wouldn't pass muster in a high school play. The gore scenes will have you rolling on the floor in such convulsions of hilarity that EMS might have to be called in to feed you oxygen. When Nikos is brought back to life and promptly hacks off the head of the grandmotherly museum curator (with a totally "plywood spray-painted silver" sword), I thought I'd wake up the whole block with my laughter. This movie is fecal beyond the dreams of proctologists, but I swear, if you want to have an MST3K movie party at your place one night, your guests won't need to get wasted or toke up to appreciate this comedy of errors!

Actual worth as a film: 0/10 "Cracking up all your friends at a party" value: 10/10

Aw, come on, another shot-on-video horror movie? Wait, what's that? Starring the Legendary Felissa Rose? And a special appearance by Lloyd Kaufman? Directed by Andreas Schnaas??? Well, hot damn, I'm sold. This gore-drenched super-8-epic begins in 11th Century Romania. A Barbarian with a chip on his shoulder, Nikos, kills and eats just about anyone he feels like. One night, some torch-baring Romanians finally put an end to the monster, in a scene right out of Anthropophagus, simply gruesome. Fast forward to present day New York. Somehow, Nikos is resurrected in a Museum, when blood touches his mask, whatever. After a lot of dialog, and not much else, Nikos slaughters nearly everyone in sight, right before taking it to the streets of New York City to make up for lost time. Nikos goes on a rampage, slaughtering everyone in his path, to a mostly speed-metal soundtrack. As if senseless mutilations weren't enough, Nikos eventually resurrects Hitler to join him, along with a zombie, a vampire, and even some Ninja's for good measure. That actually sounds pretty stupid, now that I think about it. Stupid, but completely Hardcore. Andreas Schnaas has mastered the art of the gore film.

That's right, gang, German Gore has invaded the U.S. although things seemed a little more German in Germany, oh well. If you dig excessive (comical) gore, and don't mind watching something that didn't take $80 Million to make, you might not hate Nikos The Impaler, and if you're slightly disturbed, like someone I know, you might even develop an affection for it. Just about as gory as Schnaas's previous sin, Zombie Doom, although, it's not every day you see senior citizens slaughtered so graphically, so, obviously, in some ways, Nikos is better, especially if you consider that shower scene. This Schnaas guy obviously has a love for classic gore, it shows in his creativity, we need more guys out there like this lunatic. Nikos The Impaler isn't nearly as terrible as some of these other reviews might imply, seriously, it isn't that bad. For something that is THAT bad, check out Zombie '90, and this one will look real interesting, real fast. Who the hell cares, anyway? Starring Felissa Rose!! That fact alone should make up for any inconvenience Nikos may cause. 8/10