The Russian Job

A completely original premise - Italian mobsters who curse and, are you sitting down, live in NEW JERSEY; remind you of anything? Not horrible, but a very straight-to-video production. There are a few laughs and only one embarrassingly unfunny scene (the "number one doctor in Russia" played by the late Frank "I should have sued my agent" Gorshin, who I MET, best known as the Riddler from '60s Batman). Wesley Willis fans will LOVE the romantic ballad "Stay Here In My Heart." Seriously though, the only real reason to check this movie out (which is the only reason I checked it out) is to the see the historic cast that includes both Jackie "The Joke Man" Martling AND Artie Lange (Artie replaced Jackie on The Howard Stern Show, for the four of you who didn't know that). Artie is (I'm sad to say) disappointing, but Martling undergoes a transformation from "Jackie, The Joke Man" to *gasp* "Jackie, THE VIKING;" I hope he got paid in jokes. I did a search but couldn't find whether it was produced before or after Artie officially replaced Jackie on the show. Anywho, a warning to all curious Stern fans - ARTIE AND JACKIE DON'T HAVE ANY SCENES TOGETHER! That is all.

Even by the straight-to-video, D movie standards, "Mail Order Bride" is simply too preposterous for words. Wow! I thought I've seen some crap in my time, but there's simply no preparing for this turd shower.

From one of the lamest plots in the history of American cinema over to the fact I've heard more authentic-sounding dialogue in many porn flicks, the English language may not be descriptive enough to convey how horrendous this stinker really is.

How do obviously horrible movies like this one get made? Even if I can somehow grasp the misguided motivation of Robert Capelli Jr., an apparent self delusional NYC goombah turned not only actor, but also screenwriter and director, I'm truly at a loss when it comes to understanding the money trail. Taking the production over to Russia and shooting on location in Moscow couldn't have been cheap - surely someone must have put up some major cash to make that happen. Who are these wonderful benefactors? Who looked at this script, agreed with the assertion about it "possessing some big-screen potential" and forked over a certain amount of dough? And how many others repeated the above sequence in one way or another?

I demand answers! There really should be some kind of tangible punishment for enabling film-making this maladroit.

Burying this piece of garbage in limited video release isn't enough. Public tarring and feathering of every single person who made "Mail Order Bride" financially possible is the least punishment these heinous enablers should have to endure.

PS: Artie Lange and Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling ought to pick their drinking and/or drug buddies more carefully. I can believe Jackie really did need the money back in 2003 to supplement his chochkie selling income, but what was Artie's excuse for being in this. Committing to movies while intoxicated is definitely not a good idea.

Just saw it and WOW, what a funny movie! Artie Lange and Jackie The Joke Man in same film! Next Gore and Bush? Crazy! Danny Aiello was awesome as always. And all the cameo's! Kamal of Jerky boys! Hysterical! The Riddler from original Batman! Was laughing out loud at his scene's. My favorite was when Artie and Bobby walked into Bar and that actor said the winning number as a developmentally challenged gangsta! Comedic genius that one. Funny stuff. And the scenery in Russia was unbelievable! Let alone the car chases. I swear that Russian mobster's body guard was a pro wrestler in the early 70's! The films only flaw was it was too short! Great ending! Really surprised me. I strongly recommend anyone and everyone to go and see it.....

Mail Order Bride is one of the funniest movies I've seen in along time. Being in the industry I'm an avid movie watcher and I have seen my share of movies this year and none of them are head turners. I found Mail Order Bride to one of the funnier movies this year. The cast of characters are very funny including Artie Lange, Vinny Pastore and Danny Aiello. I was definately entertained and I would recommend this movie to anyone.

Russian Mafia..its sounding more pathetic every time i see it. leave the mafia bosses for the Italian-Americans. It sure makes the movie a lot more better when the Mafia Boss is an Italian. Russian characters seem to be all Godfather & Italian copy-cats. I'm totally getting sick of all these Russian Mafia characters, directors must think the viewers are stupid, as the majority of the Human race will realize that all there trying to do is make it look like some character out of the Godfather. Personally, i wont take out a film from now on if I've heard it features Russian gangsters. I hope we get to see more real mafia bosses in the future, as there the characters the viewers want to see. Not some Russian thinking hes in the Italian Mob.