Paraíso en Cancún

Go to the Zoo instead and watch monkeys for 90 minutes. Much more entertaining, more intelligent interactions, a lot more fun! John Lennon and Yoko Ono once made this short film about a house fly wandering around on naked bodies... an Oscar contender compared to this schmutz. Unbelievable what someone somewhere (guzzling himself into some alcohol-poisoning stupor)thought would make a cool flick. Freedom of expression not withstanding, this should be found unlawful, crimes against humanity or something of that nature, and the maker of this indescribable crap should be forced to watch his own movie until death has mercy on him. I hope that all participants will be recognized and properly laughed at for a long long time just for willingly being caught on film in what must be the darkest hour of their existence so far. If you're about to see this flick, run, don't walk, as fast as you can, away from this manifestation of terminal boredom.

MTV is the epitome of narcissistic superficial artificial slack-jawed mentality that has changed the direction in the youth of American culture for the worse. And the film is quite possibly the nadir of said stupidity. In it a group of young blank twenty-somethings slither their war through spring break in Cancun sharing a beach house (a la "Real World). How these rocket scientists can share a house when they don't even share a braincell among them is a mystery for the ages. One of them is a sober geek who never drank so much of the "reality" movie is based on getting him wasted. All of this is accompanied by mostly flavor of the week crappy music that again is like MTV. Horrible.

My Grade: F

...and in a blatant way can be seen for viewers across the world as a comparison to the Roman Empire. In fact, I could see an interesting comparison between The Real Cancun and Fellini's Satyricon, since both works deal with the constant, superfluous binging and purging of sex and partying. But of course, Real Cancun can not hold a candle; make that a lighter, to Satyricon in terms of movie-making.

The Real Cancun is a spin-off of the Real World, which in and of itself is an oxymoron of an idea for a show since the players audition to be ON the Real World and then the seasons that have since gone on in the 90's show how they don't work, sit around there houses all day, get assignments from staff people, party, or go and team up with the cast of Road Rules. Now, however, the producers have decided to turn the show into a movie, in which they find more desperate and privileged 18-24 year olds who want to have fun during spring break in Mexico's Cancun.

The docu-movie could (or now I should say could've) work as a full-on documentary, yet it doesn't seem there is anything real when dealing with HIRED people who feel they need to heighten there expressions, mannerisms, and dialogue when on camera. There is very possibly not one minute of footage where a character is caught off guard while the camera is on him and her (this excludes the quick scenes of a hidden camera in the rooms as couples have rapid-fire sexual encounters), and thus it comes off as mostly dribble for people in there age group, such as myself, to laugh at.

The people are real, to be certain, and that's the film's, as well as the show's, crutch - whenever a director tells real people to act as themselves, which is never the case when dealing with the intellect of these caricatures - when a group of staff personnel host parties and out of nowhere Snoop Dogg shows up it shows as a quasi-reality, interesting, perhaps, but certainly not something that can easily be identified with. At least in Jackass: the Movie, there was a sense of jubilant, if constantly crude, humor to the proceedings of the reality of the situation (i.e. a mother finding an alligator right in here kitchen). That there are so many booze, sex, and gossip actors going through the same motions scene after scene (should I have another body shot? Should I go out in the ocean drunk? Should I go the next step with this girl? Etc.) makes it very tough to handle after a while.

I know there is, and will be evidently, an audience for this picture; lord knows that's how the show has been running ad nauseum for the past 10+ years- but make no mistake, this is NOT for a wide range of audiences. Coincidentally, similar to a Fellini movie (except that any one Fellini scene works with a much higher intellect than this entire movie does)...I can personally say, as someone who considers himself a fairly sociable and fun-loving guy, that if I was around these people for longer than a day or night I'd have an aneurism (unless I was drunk enough, of course) ....so, as a view of my generation, objectively, I actually give it a B+. However, as a film in and of itself, it's a stinking F+ (a + for the moment with the jellyfish).

The Real Cancun was a sorry excuse for filmmaking, if not on mankind. Sixteen privileged kids go out and have fun drinking and basically being idiots for an hour and half, fused together with rock songs and pointless, shallow banter. Fortunately, the negative backlash for this garbage is intriguing, considering the lust most Americans have for reality bull such as this. But then again, this movie was just boring, and idiocy of the people involved just wanted to make me toss my drink at the screen. Hopefully, this whole reality TV faze I looked back upon with distaste, and we can thank The Real Cancun for starting that much needed downward spiral.

Appalling.

It provides its own reward for the cast, who will no doubt buy copies to show their grandkids. I hope they're proud; I'm sure their parents are. The poor specimens of today's youth that it portrays, foul mouthed and ignorant, are regrettably typical of the lower end of the IQ pool, but what's worse is that it fails even in its promise of a T&A movie.

Let's be honest about this; it's like Big Brother. The only reason to get this out is to look at naked young bodies; after all, you can always turn the sound down and fast forward through the talkie bits. Why would anybody want to hear what these cretins have to say? And if even the T&A turns out to be non-existent, why bother making it?

One of the worst movies ever made, and all who had a part in it should be ashamed.