Golpe maestro

one may ask why? the characters snarl, yell, and chew the scenery without any perceptible reason except someone wanted to make a movie in barcelona. billie baldwin, is that the right one?, is forgettable in the cop/estranged-husband/loving-father-of-cute-little-blond-girl role. the story seems to have been cut and pasted from the scenes thrown away from adventure films in the last three years. ellen pompeo's lack of charisma is a black hole that seems to suck the energy out of every scene she is in. her true acting range is displayed when she takes her blouse off as the movies careens from one limp chase scene to another. unfortunately, the directing rarely goes bad enough to be camp or a parody. it is all just cliché, familiar in every respect. the director cast his own daughter as the precocious brat probably because no respectable agent would have permitted a client to ruin a career by being in such a lame, contrived and uninteresting movie. the only heist here is the theft of the investor's money and the viewer's time.

I don't get it. Ellen Pompeo is dynamic and moving on Grey's Anatomy. What happened? Perhaps its the ensemble she has been placed among. I know why she was cast and what makes this woman is so appealing. This woman has amazing eyes. Even if she wore absolutely no makeup, she would look beautiful and wholesome. I think she belongs in a period piece, a costumer. In a Victorian era film, where the dialog is snappier and the physical acting is more restrained she might fare better.

In any case, Billy Baldwin needs to do something with the hairdo he has been sporting in his last few films. Its like he knows that his early 90s, long in the front, short in the back style is too dated to appear in a film with (not to mention, too young and surfer-dude for him), so he slicks it back which looks even more dated, and a little creepy like Gomez Addams. Baldwin needs to close crop that hair for once, like in a war movie. He has the most interesting face of the Baldwin brood, I just wish he would learn how to act with it.

The quality of "Art Heist" is exactly what one should expect from a direct-to-video title with no A-list actors. The plot is predictable, the twists are both expected and excessive, the acting is deficient, and the action is banal. However, it manages to be entertaining in spite of its flaws, and ultimately fulfills expectations, provided those expectations are low.

The plot actually had some promise but is ultimately crippled by the "shocking reveals" that fail to surprise or even engage much interest. Every single twist is painfully described and explained by monologues and flashbacks, even though someone with severe sleep deprivation (me) could fully comprehend each one long before it happened. The script further detracts from the plot by adding dull and unrealistic dialogue, portrayed in an implausible manner according to the amateurish directing. Tropes and clichés abound, from the flower cart in the chase sequence to William Baldwin's channeling of John McClane, and plot holes larger than the escape pod in Star Wars will frequently cause exclamations of, "Wait, why didn't they..."

As far as the acting, quite frankly, not one of these actors should hold any more than a bit part in any film. Ellen Pompeo is cute and Baldwin gives hope simply because he looks like brother Alec, and perhaps they could do fine with a decent script and nonpareil directing, but believing in their characters (or almost any other character) requires a suspension of disbelief beyond my abilities. The worst of all is the couple's "adorable blond girl," portrayed by the director's daughter in a performance unworthy of a 3rd grade school play (to put it nicely). On the bright side, the actors with two lines or fewer do fine, and Simón Andreu stands out as quietly plausible in his role as a Russian mobster/ art connoisseur.

The main redemption of this film comes from the visuals and sound. Not from the explosions or the ridiculous sound effects, but from the beautiful aerial shots of Barcelona, exquisite interiors, depictions of the art (although limited), and the touching rendition of Mozart's "Introitus Requiem." And it tries so hard to keep viewers in suspense and invested in the characters (or at least in the stolen paintings), that one cannot help feeling slightly entertained.

If you want to see a masterpiece or a useful addition to the genre, you will be disappointed. If you just want to see some blood and boobs with an R rating, you will be disappointed. If you appreciate art and hope to see a film that does the same, well, you will be disappointed. However, if you, like me, simply want to watch something because you're bored, insomniac, out of good movies, and looking to be occupied and mildly amused, then this may be worth your time, if not your money. I love heist movies, from "Flawless" to "The Fast and the Furious," so I don't regret wasting 98 minutes on this film.

"Art Heist" feels like "The Return of Bruno" CD by Bruce Willis.

I say that because the backup singers do most of the work. Just like William Baldwin, Abel Folk, and Ed Lauter do most of the work. Ellen Pompeo, like Willis, can't carry the heavy load of being the main character (or Singer). The script is a little weak and Pompeo makes it worse, with her dull line readings. Thank the Baldwin God, because William swoops down to save it. He plays Bruce Walker, a loose cannon cop who wants to stop Sandra (Pompeo) from getting too over her head. The action scenes are well filmed and William has dethroned Daniel as the sweatiest Baldwin, which is great! The last reviewer took this movie WAY too seriously. You're not supposed to think about this type of movie in that way.

For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

This effort was like a glitzy TV movie...I don't recall this ever being released in theaters...If so, it must've died a quick death. Watching the DVD, in the comfort of our bedroom, it was obvious this film was meant for not much more...Ed Lauter an art critic with a greed streak? What a fun turn that must've been...I haven't seen Ed since "The Longest Yard"...Everyone else pretty much acted by the numbers, led by Baldwin, except for Pompeo...She had zero charisma and seemed to be sleepwalking thru most of the picture...Pompeo's daughter had one dimension...she played every scene like a lovable little puppy...slowest line delivery of any 3 year old I've seen yet...

The chase scenes gave my wife and I headaches...too much quick-cutting and angle-bashing...If you 're going to shoot a chase scene in Barcelona, you might want a few WIDE shots to exploit the beauty of your backdrop, right? The whole story was pretty implausible and far-fetched, but hey, we liked it better than "The Life Aquatic..."