Monster Ark

The only reason why I tuned in to see this movie is that the monster looked really cool in the previews. As it turns out that is the only good thing about this movie.

The story is that college professor Nicholas and two of his students discovers a urn. They take the urn back to America and have Nicholas's ex-wife Ava open it. Inside they find the original book of Genesis. Ava decodes it and discover that Noah had made a second ark to banish demonic monster, but the ark crashed and sinked in Iraq. So just like that the team heads over to Iraq with no problem from the government. There they meet hard ass Iraqui Captian Backhar. Together they find this "Monster Ark" and open the cage holding the monster. The monster escapes and goes on a rampage. Captian Backhar fail to stop the monster with raw fire power. Team then figures out that they must get Noah's staff to stop the monster, but the offspring of Noah are protecting it and won't hand it over so easily. Nicholas now must learn to have faith in order to stop the monster.

The Monster was the only thing that kept me watching. The acting was below average. The director inserted a sub-plot between Nicholas and Ava about them not trusting each other. He also add moments to create chemistry between characters, but these fail. The chemistry seemed fake and the sub-plot wasn't though out well enough.

The special effects on the monster where good enough but still looked fake. The Monster design was awesome but the movement needed work. The flash back scenes of the ark where completely CGI and look like something out of a 90's video game.

If you are looking to see a good monster movie watch this but fast forward though all the talking and just watch the scenes with the monster.

It's a movie,I know, but when can you just pack up overnight and head to a war zone and arrive in the middle of the desert instantly? The uniforms were horribly wrong. The US Army stopped with stripes on a field uniform long ago. The weapons were slapped together , cut-rate equipped, not for an "e-light" unit. Pu-Lease, the acting of the troops; parade ground antics. Nobody acts like that. I won't even go into the vehicles or anything else military.

No let's talk about the main actors. Must have needed the money. If it weren't for the women, I'd have given it a 1. The high school romance between the doctors, oh so sweet. The dialog, painful at best.

A train wreck. Awful to watch, but I couldn't take my eyes off it.

You know, I realize why casualties in Iraq are so bad. Apparently, Iraq is crawling with ancient monsters that have been let loose by meddling by the US military. Saddam was keeping the world safe from ancient monsters, but Bush has managed to screw that up.

This is the second Skiffy channel movie that was built around this premise. The first was "Manticore" with Star Trek Voyager's Robert Beltran. This has a biblical theme.

Well, my complaint with this one is similar to the my complaint with the other. If you are going to do a movie about the military, actually learn what you are talking about. If this is a mission that higher ups consider important, they'd send a lot more than a squad. A senior Non-commissioned officer is referred to as "Sergeant" or "Sergeant-Major" not "Major" or "Sir". The uniforms are completely wrong. (Big rank insignia on the sleeves of combat uniforms went out in the 1970's. It just tells the enemy who to shoot at.) In a combat situation, you don't go into a nice cluster that can be mowed down with a few shots. YOu also had a clearly overweight soldier, which would simply not happen in a combat zone.

My other complaint with the movie is that the whole character conflict comes between the bible-thumping translator (played by ex-Xena Life Parnter Renee O'Connor) and her atheist ex-husband archaeologist. Which begs the obvious question, if these two had such diametrically opposed views on faith and God, how could they have ever gotten married to start with? Not that it matters, their discussions on faith are so vapid and shallow they barely move the plot along.

Hell, I'm getting addicted to these Sci-fi original productions showing on cable, but boy there are some stinkers amongst the charmers and sadly 'Monster Ark' is a dud. The premise actually sounded tolerant, but what came of it was not. After a somewhat imaginative opening, it becomes your stock-like monster on the rampage yarn leaving a small group of people to stop the problem. Its biblical horror set in a war-torn Iraq. When I mean biblical, it's the context of the film, and the sub-plot between the two main leads and that of religious faith. One who questions it and the other who does not. Where love and redemption wins out… lovely. And to set in Iraq… what an inspired choice… meh.

Archaeologist Nicholas Zavaterro along with his grad students discover a vase with an ancient manuscript informing them of the whereabouts of Noah's first ark that imprisoned a monster known as the darkness. Zavaterro, his grad students and his ex-wife/archaeologist head to Iraq to where it is. Along with some babysitting American Soldiers they discover the ark and find a crate which they obviously open and unleash the darkness.

Actually outlining the premise is really starting to bore, and when the darkness is released it's an unconvincing monster (an awful looking design… leftovers from a video game?) in clunky CGI breaking out total chaos. Rather unexciting chaos though. Jittery editing and shaky camera-work is plain tiring, as it sloppily moves. But the damaging aspect is the very dodgy script with its preachy/forceful messages… it was like a bad tooth ache. A towering Tommy 'Tiny' Lister's Sergeant character gave me a good laugh though, as he truly chew up his lines (enthusiastically) and then spits them out. Renée O'Connor was an itch that wouldn't go away and Tim DeKay is typically modest. Amanda Crew is wasted in a low-key role as one of the students. One thing, why does everybody have to yell out their lines? Declan O'Brien's direction is slick, but feels empty and goes for clichéd devices. Claude Foisy's eerily rippling score on the other hand was perfectly balanced and infused in to the film.

Lame, tacky and a drag. Simple as that.

This is film-making of the shoddiest and laziest sort. Every scene is a showcase for the writer/director's ignorance. O'Brien is completely unfamiliar with science. He knows nothing of how scientists talk, how they analyze, how they approach discovery. He is completely ignorant of how military personnel think, how they process situations, how they act, and how they carry themselves. O'Brien even misses the most basic tenets of Christianity.

Had O'Brien spent the slightest amount of time with military men/women, or talked to an actual scientist, this film might have acquired a hint of credibility. But he chose to write out of an abundance of ignorance. The film suffers horribly as a result. The viewer, even more.

The film's low budget may explain the dreadful costumes, equipment (woodland cameo/olive drab Humvee in...IRAQ???), and effects. But the low budget doesn't justify O'Brien's willful ignorance about the material he wrote and directed.

Tim DeKay turns in a far better performance than a film like this deserves. Amanda Crew, while still learning her craft, provides welcome visual interest. But beyond these two minor bright points, nothing in this film justifies the writer/director's paycheck.