Death Rider in the House of Vampires

This seems like a movie that sounds like a good idea, in theory, but, best done as a trailer or music video. Or at very least, a limited edition movie poster.

Do you love Westerns? How about actors who make porn dialogue seem like Shakespeare? Cinematography that looks like it was done on a home video camera from the 80s? There you go. I didn't even make it 30 minutes.

I had never heard about this 2021 movie titled "Death Rider on the House of Vampires" prior to stumbling upon it by random luck. But of course I was intrigued by the title, and the movie's cover seemed fair enough. And thus, I opted to sit down and watch the movie.

The storyline in "Death Rider on the House of Vampires" was sluggish and while you might think that a vampire movie set in a Western setting sounds like a good combination, I will agree, but "Death Rider on the House of Vampires" was not a great movie.

I was rather surprised to see the likes of Julian Sands and Devon Sawa on the cast list in a movie such as this. And truth be told, they were the reason why the movie stayed afloat. The acting performances in the movie were generally fair, but the actors and actresses didn't have much to work with in terms of script and character gallery. It was also nice to see Danny Trejo on the screen, though it was just for a short scene.

"Death Rider on the House of Vampires" will most likely cater to the die-hard fans of Glenn Danzig, no doubt about that. But if you sit down to watch the movie casually, without a rose-tinted view of Glenn Danzig, then you will most likely find this movie to be a dull viewing experience.

While I did manage to sit through the entire ordeal, I will never return to watch this movie a second time.

My rating of "Death Rider on the House of Vampires" from writer and director Glenn Danzig lands on a generous three out of ten stars. I'm not a fan of Glenn Danzig's music, nor can I claim to be a fan of his movies after having seen this one.

There's nothing to enjoy here. It feels like Glenn just ran into a bunch of has-beens and decided to shoot a movie in the desert that weekend. He raided the local Spirit Halloween, grabbed some black lights, crapped out an outline, grabbed a camera, and made the magic happen.

I want to say that "I can't recommend" this movie, but I honestly recommend that you find it for free somewhere. I'm not suggesting any avenues with which to do so, but don't pay money to see this. It's worth watching just so you can say you've seen the worst movie of the past 25 years. I don't know, when did Rollergator come out?

Glenn Danzig did provide, unintentionally, a very positive message from this turd: ANYBODY, literally ANYBODY, can direct a movie.

Do you think you have a movie idea, but are afraid it will be bad? Stop. Go watch this movie and realize that you have a better gift for filmmaking that Glenn Danzig. You might not have the same means, but you absolutely have more talent.

Get a Kickstarter going; Backerkit; GoFundMe. Do whatever you have to do to get your movie made. I guarantee it will be better than this.

Given the incomprehensible mess that was his first film Verotika, Death Rider In The House of Vampires actually was fun to watch. Yes, there were plenty of technical flaws; lighting, fade outs, zooms, and it was too quiet. But I am cutting Danzig some slack. He isn't schooled in film and you can never tell if he is serious or not. Personally, I like B movies, I like Danzig so I found enjoyment in this, but if you don't know who Danzig is you may well find this garbage. The opening credits alone were a weird yet captivating sight. As for Tasha Reign, the topless girl in the beginning of the film, she's an adult film actress and again, this is a Danzig film. If you're familiar with Danzig we can't be surprised at this. As Joe Bob Briggs is wont to say boobs, blood and beasts are what makes B movies, and in this day and age of uptight political correctness I found this throwback element fun. Julian Sands was good and brought credibility to the film, Devon Sawa was good too. Eli Roth brought energy and he commanded the scenes he was in. It was even fun to see Danzig in the film. Again, it is what it is. It was an improvement from Verotika. There was an actual story here and for a Danzig film I enjoyed it.