You Hurt My Feelings

Write about what you know. That's the advice Beth (Julie Louis-Dreyfuss) dispenses to her writing students. It's also pretty much the path Writer-Director Nicole Holofcener has followed in her six feature films. Her stories center on urban upper middle class professionals.

Beth is an author who's latest novel hasn't sold yet and it's causing her some stress. Her husband, Don (Tobias Menzies), is a therapist who is also having some career doubts. They have a son (Owen Teague) who wants to be a playwright. Beth's sister, Sarah (Michaela Watkins), is an interior decorator who is becoming disenchanted with her work. Her husband Mark (Arian Moayed) is struggling actor. Plenty of first world angst to go around.

Holofcener and her cast are good enough to overcome some of the familiar tropes here and the theme of how to tread the line between honesty and (hurting one's) feelings is decently explored. David Cross and Amber Tamblyn as a passive aggressive couple in Don's care are terrific scene stealers. What's missing here is true bite. There's never a sense of either urgency or sharp insights. One never feels that any of the interlocking relationships are truly in peril. A hug, a kiss, or a hit of edible marijuana and all will be fine.

YOU HURT MY FEELINGS is a pleasant enough little movie, but, it's the epitome of a 'dramedy'- it falls just short of either of it's components.

The issue of how we, if not lie, fib to our loved ones in order to either spare their feelings or be supportive. And the consequences of that well-intentioned lack of honesty are thoughtfully dramatized, as are the family dynamics between spouses, parents and children, and siblings. But even at a short (by today's standards) 90 minutes, the movie feels overlong, and while there is an occasional laugh, the entertainment quotient is disappointingly low given the talents of the parties involved. Bottom line: a worthwhile watch if one's expectations are very measured. And much more of a family drama than a comedy.

It was hard to figure out what exactly the takeaways were from this casually paced 2023 comedy, but director/screenwriter Nicole Holofcener appears to prefer it that way because she has a uniquely ramshackle way of depicting the messiness of life through her comically flawed characters. The meandering plot focuses on a tightly knit group of upscale Manhattan narcissists basking in a culture of positivity only to fall apart when each is confronted with honesty. That's what happened to the central couple when Beth, a marginally successful novelist, finds out her failing therapist husband Don hates her latest book draft but doesn't have the temerity to tell her. Julia Louis-Dreyfus starred in Holofcener's superior "Enough Said" and plays the novelist here with her trademark wit intact. The rest of the expert cast perform in a typical Woody Allen-like deadpan manner including Jeannie Berlin as Beth's irascible mother and Michaela Watkins (she reminds me of Kathryn Hahn) as Beth's acerbically evasive decorator sister.

Well, I sat down for this one trusting A24, and it delivered more than what I asked for. It's a pretty simple drama alright, with conflicts not carrying the greatest of stakes. There's a sense of softness to the leads here, and they are, by nature, "good people". While it wouldn't have worked if that aspect was shoved down our throats, but the writing is careful when it comes to its subtleties. The lead performances are also great; the relationship equations between Beth and Don, Beth and Sarah, Mark and Sarah, the daughters' relationship with their mother, the couple's relationship with their young son - each of these were adequately portrayed. I loved the few scenes featuring the feisty, opinionated, and encouraging mother (Jeannie Berlin).

The other beautiful scene is the one where the couple resolve their key issue, and the dialogues are especially well-written in this portion. It's a realization that shared journeys (of life) mean a lot more than individual journeys. It's natural for spouses to think that they're unconditionally supporting each other in their efforts, but sometimes, it's difficult to convey your opinion without even hurting them in the slightest. All that said, there were a few elements that didn't exactly work, such as the badly sketched robbery scene and the one where Don randomly suggests a solution to a patient's family issue. But that shouldn't stop you from checking the film out. It has Julia LD reuniting with writer-director Nicole Holofcener after Enough Said, in a very candid role.

This is a simple concept but carried out very well. Don (Tobias Menzies) and Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) are a long-time, loving couple. They live in Manhattan. He is a Psychiatrist with what appears to be a thriving practice. She is a published writer who also teaches writing to small groups. They have a 23-yr-old son who works at a smoke shop and wonders what better might be in store for him.

Most of the first half hour of the movie establishes the setting and interactions between the couple, her mother, the son, some patients. Beth is writing her second book, her first novel, and seems to be having difficulty getting it published. Don always reads her drafts and tells her how good they are. He encourages her. Their relationship appears ideal.

Then it happens, Beth and her sister come upon Don in a shop, as they approach hear him tell his B. I. L. That he doesn't really think Beth's book is good but he praises it for her encouragement. Beth is devastated, she leaves without Don ever knowing that she overheard. Until days later, after Beth has been acting cold towards him.

And the rest of the movie is the real story, how they sort this out, how they develop an understanding of lying vs not hurting the others' feelings. In the process Don also learns how he might become a more effective Psychiatrist.

Good, interesting relationship movie. My wife and I watched it at home on DVD from our public library.