Anthem

... you'll need it to soften the blow from uncontrollably and violently shaking your head whilst trying to watch this steaming pile.

Remember stumbling across your dad's "adult" videos from the 1980s, and wondering why they even bothered to pretend to act? Well this movie features writing, acting and production values on par with those movies - but with absolutely none of the "good bits."

Give this thing a very wide berth.

If you were hoping for some cheap entertainment for your spank bank, this is not the Droid you're looking for.

I forced myself to watch it because it seemed the right thing to do. It was not. I couldn't even stay awake long enough to keep a minichub going.

The other review about your dad's films from the 70s or 80s is correct. Except they actually did try to actually act here, although I am using a lot of latitude when I say "try".

I'm not sure who blew whom to get in the cast, but this entire film blows, in spite of the ironically non-existent amount of blowing. In the annals of film this should just go down...and stay there.