Under the Bed

You can tell from the title alone that "Under the Bed" is attempting to pay homage to the host of other child-horror movies that proceeded it in the eighties. You can see there is real love for films like "Gremlins" "Monster Squad" and even "Poltegeist." The story starts out well enough with a teenage boy returning home years after a tragic event took his mother's life. His younger brother is happy to see him back, but old wounds from the past resurface and both boys are put in a position where they must choose to finally confront the monster that has been plaguing their family for years. The major problem with "Under the Bed" is that it really has no idea what kind of movie it wants to be. Moments in the movie have an innocence long lost throughout the years of horror, but at other times it attempts to be too grown up for its own good by using profanity and generous amounts of fake blood. If this was the movies only sin, we could probably give it a pass, but it is not. The script is shaky to say the least, while many parts throughout simply do not make sense. It also does not help that the shoestring budget is very evident up until the last 20 minutes of the movie. I certainly respect the guts of all involved in trying to accomplish this feat on what little they had to work with, but there are much more suitable, and frankly better child horror movies to sit down and watch for ninety minutes.

This is a difficult film to review, as it appears a loving and sincere tribute to old school video store rental horror from days gone by, but slides a little too off the rails to truly get excited about. First, we meet Neal, a teen with a mysterious past, now returning home. Reconnecting with his younger brother Paulie, the two slowly uncover what forced Neal away. Convinced he was crazy, and after his mother's death, Neal was sent away to live with relatives in Florida. Neal discovers Paulie has dealt with the same mysterious being that tortured him in the past. Of course his father thinks he's crazy, and his well meaning step mom tries, but does not understand. The boys will have to face what lies under the bed - alone. There's a fascinating setup, but the payoff is all over the place. The brothers are great in their roles. The parents appropriately hapless. I think vintage horror fans will enjoy, but the back half of the movie is confusing and feels less developed than the first. It's an interesting idea and throwback to simpler times, that just doesn't gel the way it should. For genre fans only.

Two brothers, the older of which has returned home after setting his house on fire and inadvertently killing his mother, must do battle against a man in a rubber suit who lives under their bed. Okay, so it's actually a monster, but, when you see it, you'll probably think, 'Oh, there's a man in a rubber monster suit.' Yes, that's the tone of the film.

Naturally, the boys' parents think they're crazy and their dad is a complete idiot at all times (whether they're talking about monsters or asking for a drink of milk, he seems to find it in himself to start shouting and threatening to lock everyone in their rooms forever... or something like that – in short, he's a douche). Then you have your clichéd bullies who think he's crazy and they live next door (do you get the impression this film is lining up plenty of characters who are going to fall foul from the thing under the bed?). But it's not all bad news for the older brother... no sooner has he returned to his home town then he's met the one hot girl who finds surly, reclusive arsonists who ride BMXs really attractive. So there you have your 'love interest.' Yawn.

The film starts off slow. I'm guessing this is to 'build tension.' But it just involves things moving in the house. Personally, I've never found a washing machine's door shutting by itself that horrific.

Yeah, there's a climax and some funky coloured lights here and there. They even throw in a chainsaw by this time to try and spice things up, but, by now, do you care? I didn't. It's not terrible, just nothing remotely new enough to warrant me paying it any real attention.

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This movie smells a lot like "Phatasm". Instead of the tall man and the flying spheres you get a smoke machine and a hunchback in a foam-covered wetsuit. There's also an evil dimension with a lot of coloured lamps and sheets. The biggest win however is the angry dad character, whose crowning achievement is the "grow the f.#k up" speech towards the middle of the film. It's hilarious to see him respond to his children in the way that he does. Basically it goes something like this: child: "A demon ate our mommy." Dad: "Get a job." I can't believe the actors went along with dialogue this bad without protesting or at least laughing.

The script could have been written by a pre-school student. Ooh there's like a monster under the bed and you have to sleep on cupboards. You can't touch the floor. And sometimes like the washing machines kind of wobble when it's mad. If you could judge this movie by normal standards I would say one out of ten, but how can you apply a normal scaling when a movie has become so bad it's good? Also to be fair the crew did a good job with the low budget they had for the monster scenes. Especially the heads getting ripped off.

For a rainy night with nothing to do, I guess this creature feature will do. Literally no background.

****possible spoilers****

You have no idea where this "monster" comes from or why. All you know is it wants the older kid but has been tormenting his younger brother while he's been away. The father is completely unlikable and borderline abusive. The stepmother was about the only good thing about the whole, hole filled storyline. The acting is mediocre at best. The ending is very bleh. There's just nothing in this movie that I can give more than a 4 for.