Bikini Hackers

First, let's address what this really is. This is in no way a movie as we know it. This 1 hr long pile of garbage is made up of approximately 75 % stock footage of Hacking, buildings, traffic, nightclubs, beaches etc and 25 % of poorly shot original footage graded by someone who had never worked on video footage before.

Now, about the "film" itself. It's supposed to be a comedy.... I guess? It's painfully unfunny and unentertaining. The so-called bikini hackers for the most part look terrible in their bikinis. The lead one is nearly unintelligible as she struggles through her lines. In fact, the movie is so amateurish that in many instances, the same lines are repeated in different camera angles due to poor editing!

Avoid.

This film begins with a young woman by the name of "Sarah Lanchaster" (Caroline Elise) going out to a nightclub and then having drinks with a blonde over at the bar. The next morning, she wakes up in a strange bed and upon venturing into the back yard, finds that same blonde swimming in the pool. After a quick breakfast, she is then introduced to the blonde's roommates and told that they have formed a group which is intent upon hacking into a large financial organization known as OPSEC for the purpose of dispersing trillions of dollars from their computer system to the general population. Although Sarah is initially reluctant to join the group, she eventually relents and soon finds herself inside OPSEC with instructions to place a flash drive into one of the computers there which will create all kinds of financial chaos within that financial institution. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this is easily one of the worst films I have ever seen with a shallow plot, bad acting, a poorly written script and a host of other issues commonly seen with low budget productions in general. Admittedly, Caroline Elise looked nice in her leopard print bikini, but other than that there was nothing here that was even remotely interesting or enjoyable. In short, this was a bad movie, and I have rated it accordingly.

This movie (if you can call it that) must have been made just for fun or "The worst movie of the year".

The plot holes are massive. I mean you would have to suspend all reality of society to believe some of the things that occur to set up the "story" or "plot" or whatever this thing is.

The "plot" is allegorical and so basic. Why do films like this even get made? How do scripts like this get financed? Black mail? I don't get it. Even the acting isn't great.

There are other parts where you will just shake your head and ask: Why. That's the main question. This is utter nonsense. Unless you're into watching a plot that moves in ways that confuse you and make you annoyed, I would avoid this movie. Not good.

IDK what people were expecting but this was fantastic. Absolutely amazing.

Loses one star for not having a sex scene where they say "I'm in".

Otherwise this was an effing masterpiece. You've got all the classic characters: The girl who doesn't know whats happening and never does.

The girl who you can't understand a freaking word she says.

The girl who gives weird scary horror proclamations about her death, and knows ninja stuff.

The guy in the hat who watches them swim.

Also the supporting cast wasn't afraid to get weird. I can tell they were trying to be goofy in spots and it either lands and is brilliant or doesn't and is hilarious because of that.

Must watch.

Given the movie's cover and the title, then I have to admit that I wasn't exactly harboring the highest of hopes or expectations to writer and director Scott Hillman's 2023 comedy "Bikini Hackers". However, with this being a movie I hadn't already seen, nor even heard about prior to watching it, of course I opted to give the movie the benefit of the doubt.

I checked out the movie on IMDb prior to watching it, which is something I usually rarely do. And seeing that the movie had a staggering 1.6 rating, I must admit that my expectations and hopes for the movie went from slim to none.

And the movie's low rating is with good cause. Because "Bikini Hackers" is a horrible movie. I am all with the low rating reviewers on this one. The storyline in "Bikini Hackers", as written by Scott Hillman, was just pure rubbish. It felt like something that was concocted by a bored high school kid doodling in some class at the end of a long and boring school day. Fully and wholly ridiculous concept and idea for a storyline, and it just made for zero entertainment value.

The fact that the acting performances in the movie were as wooden and rigid as oak didn't exactly help to win me over either. I wasn't familiar with a single actress or actor on the cast list, and that is usually something I enjoy when I sit down and watch a movie. But the level of acting skill, or rather the lack thereof, seen in "Bikini Hackers" was just draining away the will to sit through and endure 66 minutes of this ordeal. And believe me, those 66 minutes might seem like a drop of water on paper, but on the screen it felt like an eternity.

Do yourself a favor and stay well clear of writer and director Scott Hillman's "Bikini Hackers" movie, because it is exactly as bad as the low rating indicates. Some of us suffered through this ordeal so you don't have to.

My rating of "Bikini Hackers" lands on a one out of ten stars. It is definitely a contender for most laughably bad movies I have stumbled upon in a long, long time.