The Amityville Curse

I think this is Tubi's effort to prove with a minimal amount of investment that they could make an Amityville film that is still waaaay better than the majority of Amityville cr@pfests that are out there, a lot of them currently in the Tubi roster themselves.

The gore wasn't bad, the blood was the right colour, the special effects were low grade... however, it would have been nice if they made one that isn't a reboot of one of the 'canon' films... even for the sake of parody, like "The Amityville Diaper" or "The Amityville EV" or "The Amityville POTUS"...

and i think anyone who gives this a really low score has not seen any or many of the other mockbusters that continue to be churned out.

No surprise this is another hopeless instalment of the schlocky Amityville Horror movie series. The first one from 1979 is far superior than the rest, but that's not exactly a compliment. Granted, for its time it had good points but it didn't work for me like Halloween or The Exorcist. This one, Amityville Curse actually starts off ok. I liked how they took the pus out of the story and just went off on a different tangen and at least tried to offer something different. The dialogue and acting were ticking more boxes than not for the first 45, but after that, the whole thing crashes down the chimney and the staircase into the red hellgate basement room.

Another Tubi original that fails to entertain or keep me watching the movie. Struggled to get through the hour and a half running time. Actors don't do a great job, the director doesn't do a great job, and the writers didn't do a great job. Starting to lose hope that there are any originals on Tubi that aren't z level schlock.

Giving the film two stars, which is kind of harsh but I'm getting burned by too many shoddy films. I force myself to sit through them in the hopes that something will shift later on. That almost never happens. If a movie is riding on an old actor or a popular name for people to fork over their time, it's never worth that time.

My expectations for any new movie with Amityville in the title are generally low, and knowing this one was brought to us by a free streaming service I figured it would look low budget. And I was right, it does, and the script is nothing more than serviceable, paint-by-numbers, haunted house horror fare. The set-up is minimal before things begin going bump in the night, and the swift pacing remains fairly consistent throughout the brief 90-minute runtime. What works best here is the cast, each of whom had to realize this project would be nothing more than a marginal paycheck. They all turn in credible performances considering the rather thin writing. A no-harm, no-foul Amityville movie that does nothing more than pass the time on a rainy day.

A year or so ago, I decided to binge watch all the Amityville Horror films, or that is, the related-type films to that 1979 original that I could remember seeing in video stores back in the day and find those same movies that went directly to videocassette in that amazing era of the late 1980s through the 1990s.

These were the films that never went to the theater, and were never intended to do so.

Oh, they were all stupid. Every single one of them. All found mostly on the fantastic channel of Tubi (Love Tubi!) All films weak as expected, not scary, with bad story, and mostly poor performances, but still charming in a way with young, up and coming actors, or older actors just trying to stay busy or relevant. I even watched the 1990 version with the exact same title as here, and another version about a haunted lamp, yes, haunted lamp (Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes) it was by and far the worst, and yet neither of these films were close to as bad as this.

This is awful.

Miserable.

It's boring.

Bad acting.

Worse editing. (In the beginning, I couldn't tell if they were moving in or out)

It's bright. Yes, bright. The whole movie is way too lit (and not in a good way!) You can tell they were probably filming at night but blasting in spotlights through the windows to make it look like daytime.

People die unexpectedly and horrifically and none of the characters are frantically trying to reach emergency services or call anybody. Where's law enforcement? Family members and relatives afterwards? A funeral?

The human relationships are unbelievable, from friends to roommates to lovers. There is no chemistry amongst any of the parties involved.

Hey, I know this is low to no budget and it's Amityville #376, but that still doesn't exclude all of the above crimes if not transgressions.

As a matter of fact, this is where those little things like believability and emotional investment could have flourished here on screen.

In searching for this new title of this long, long, longtime franchise, unbelievably (maybe not so unbelievably) I came across other, more intriguing titles than this, such as Amityville Karen (Yes.), and Amityville in Space (Also, a definitive yes.) So, skip this chapter, either watch the 1990 film of the same title (which is so bad, it's good-this is just plain bad-there's a difference!), or watch one of these more interestingly titled recent productions.

We all know this infinite trail of silly sequels will never terrify as the original did.

But this 2023 Amityville Curse is not a horror film, and should you describe it as such to your friends in discussions, when mentioning horror, please place it in air quotes.

I will also note here that I would gladly contribute to any group funding of a future production of Amityville Karen In Space.