Amy Schumer: Emergency Contact

I don't like Amy Schumer, I don't think she's very good at her job. However, I watch her specials in the way someone might watch a low budget B movie. I like gawking and cringing at a bad piece of media - who doesn't? Her leather special was so bad it almost came full circle around to being accidentally funny. This special doesn't come close to that. There's nothing interesting, funny, or noteworthy about this special, accidental or intended. This is the auditory equivalent of a saltine cracker without the salt. I've never heard a comedian with less energy on stage, with weaker delivery, or with a lack of jokes. This was like a live 50 minute (couldn't even make it an hour long!) podcast, rather than a standup comedy special.

No laughs were had, nor smiles. There were a couple sighs and eye rolls but that was about it. At least the leather special was so gross and off-putting it brought a little emotion out of me, even if it was to cringe/laugh at how bad the jokes were instead of at the jokes themselves. This special elicits absolutely nothing. Some of the joke premises had potential but are immediately squandered by perhaps the worst delivery I've heard from a standup comedian. It's like a living AI onstage, operating under the prompt: "be a female Louis CK".

This special is unbelievably dry, bland, drab, and has no rhythm or flow. She's just saying words. At least this time she's not talking about her bodily fluids the entire time, although that was the only thing that made the last specials interesting; otherwise this is nothing more than just dull, unfunny standup comedy.

This was just Amy Schumar coming out to have a chat to the audience. You can hear the audience laugh, but, at what? I didn't manage to laugh, or even chuckle once, at anything she said during this under an hour, or an over the time limit, 30 minute failure.

No, I'm not an Amy hater, but this stand-up is not worthy of being called one. The audience deserves their money back and the viewer can never get back that 50 mins of waiting to hear something funny, but instead, just Amy gloating about herself and shelling out filler after filler.

This is where this review should end, but I need 22 more characters and ... oh, done!

I've seen morgues with more energy than Amy. She looked bored and completely un-interested in performing on stage. It doesn't help that her material is mostly recycled from her previous specials: being fat, plastic surgery, having an autistic husband, and married life. She is a 40 year old woman who acts like she's 80. She talked to an audience member who's almost 30 like she was a toddler. The biggest problem is that Amy just doesn't have anything interesting to say. She tries to make up for boring topics by using quirky voices but ends up taking a dirt nap. I don't blame Amy for this turd, I blame Netflix for still paying this unfunny clown to stink up their platform. Throw this special to the dogs.

If you're chronica;ly depressed and unhappy with your appearance and your life, why go on stage and show it to everyone. Of course, some people (Woody Allen, Joan Rivers) could do it and do it well, but it's really hard and that's nowhere in evidence than in this depressing demonstration. What's worse, if anything could be worse, she's not very funny. She got a few snickers and one or two laughs, but otherwise it seemed to be like listening to a boring person at a cocktail party drone on about their life. If you're not ready, why do it? Even the audience is only luke warm, which speaks volumes itself.

Is she there on some sort of quota? One specifically for people called Amy Schumer? I don't understand how she keeps on creating these unfunny specials and keeps on getting gigs like life and beth. She has to be the most unfunny comedian out there and is literally somehow stealing opportunities from people who actually have some talent and are not a propped up character that people HAVE to find funny (rotten tomatoes has a 100% positive reviews for this torturous special). Probably shouldn't have watched it in the first place but oh god the 100% positive reviews thing got the better of me and I thought I could finally see what these media executives see in Amy and her wit, never again though can't put myself through her forced "jokes" and I hope media execs realise she is just a big name with nothing to show for it.