Retreat Vama Veche

This was probably meant to be a tiktok story, turned out too long when editing so they tried to see if cinema is a better fit. Fear not, Romanian content quality rating won't suffer too much, just like TikTok videos, lowest quality in the world in script, direction, "actors" play. Don't be fooled, none of them are actually actors, they are old-fashioned influencers trying to grow their online profile through this. Don't waste your time on it. Go, watch a real movie, this is not one of them. Such a waste of time and space on the streaming platforms and waste of money like most recent Romanian movies that are being made.

Even if I would have wanted to spoil it, I couldn't have done it as the screenplay is too obvious. It's a low quality movie and I don"t know if it can be included in the comedy genre. It looks like some friends decided to do a movie for the need of appearing on tv. Same typologies as seen in other low quality movies, same lines, same situations. I have to admit that after the first half I started to do different things in my home so the time would fly quicker. I think the only attractive thing about this movie is the title, that's all. Even if the action takes place in Vama Veche, don't expect to see any interesting thing from there, as the movie has been filmed out of season (spring, I guess) when there's no soul there.

Retreat Vama Veche is a disaster from start to finish. The lack of direction, uninspired writing, and mismanagement of characters make it a frustrating watch. It's hard to believe that Romanian filmmakers, with so much cultural richness to draw from, could produce something so superficial and empty. There's no humor, no heart, no artistry-just a disappointing waste of time and potential.

The film goes nowhere, quite literally. The premise of a getaway to Vama Veche is misleading, as most of the so-called "action" unfolds in a villa or back in Bucharest. There's no trace of the bohemian, carefree vibe that makes Vama Veche iconic. Instead, we get an incoherent series of events that feel like filler material rather than a story. The plot, if we can call it that, meanders aimlessly with no real conflict, resolution, or meaning. It's as though the writers were making it up as they went along, scribbling dialogue between takes.

The characters are one of the film's biggest failures. Each one feels plucked from a completely different movie, creating an ensemble cast with no chemistry or purpose.

Laura Cosoi's character, allegedly a CEO, behaves nothing like one. Instead, she comes off as a clichéd caricature of a "horny jobless woman with a rich dad" with no depth or credibility. Her actions are baffling and completely out of step with her supposed role.

The bride-to-be is insufferable, grating on the nerves with every scene. There's no charm, no emotional anchor-just an unbearable presence that makes you want to fast-forward.

Adela Popescu's character and the pregnant wife showed hints of comedic potential, but any such moments were quickly squandered by poor writing and lackluster execution. These two could have injected life into the story, but the film simply didn't know what to do with them.

The dialogue is wooden and emotionless, with lines delivered superficially. The script lacks wit, depth, or even a coherent message. It's all surface-level fluff, devoid of any philosophy, lessons, or insight.

The film's biggest insult is its refusal to do a smooth transition between the scenes, they end abruptly, leaving the audience to imagine what needs to happen in that scene. This lazy storytelling makes the film feel like an unfinished draft rather than a polished product.

Skip this one or leave it as background noise while doing your house chores especially now that it is on Netflix.

It's a bad movie. Director, screenwriter, actors, absolutely all of them seem to be poor amateurs who met to produce a crappy movie.

The actresses are talentless, full of mannerisms, they play unnatural, forced, artificial, even embarrassingly weak.

The script is flat, with banal, witless, boring or even annoying lines.

The montage is incoherent, although we want it to be dynamic and fun

Directing? It's like it doesn't even exist. Did this movie really have a director?

Don't waste time to watch it. There are a thousand and one much more interesting things that you can do during this time.

In conclusion, I give grade 1.

Really bad movie: poor acting, poor lines, I cannot belive this movie is so bad. I had the feeling that they did it on purpose to be this bad!!!

The dialogue is very stupid, it is a disaster!

I would not recommend wasting even 5 min of your time to watch this crap!

It is a joke!

Also, the fact that Adela Popescu brought her husband and child to play in this stupid movie, its disgusting. Confirms me once again why I do mot like this lady and her arogance.

Also, some characters are not even actors : like Adelina Pestritu and the guy that owns some night clubs and restaurants. Did these guys paid to appear in this crap???