The Emu War

To my utter shame I managed to watch for ten minutes. I can only hope all those involved in the making of this, Trump of a movie, can find gainful employment elsewhere. It's so bad I thought it was a sequel to Pearl Harbour (2001). It really needs a health warning!

Did you consult Mother Theresa by medium for military advice? Has your Emu advisor seen any animal... ever? In the world? Pictures of animals? The only thing that could be called half decent was the wobble-board player. He'll go far.... further the better, to distance himself from the trauma of having participated.

You took a really funny story and killed it, with less mercy than the real thing. Worst idea since Dame Edna Everidge failed to replace Sean Connery as James Bond.

In a cinematic landscape where originality is often sacrificed for safe formulas, "The Emu War" stands out-not for its creativity, but for its staggering lack of quality. This film, purportedly a dark comedy about Australia's infamous conflict with emus, feels more like a tragic misfire. If I were an actor involved in this project, I would have considered walking off the set to pursue a more dignified career, perhaps waiting tables or washing dishes.

From the outset, the premise seemed ripe for satire. The idea of a government declaring war on flightless birds is inherently absurd, yet the script squandered this potential. Instead of a sharp, biting commentary on bureaucracy and the human condition, we're met with what feels like the ramblings of preteen dope smokers. The dialogue is clunky and riddled with clichés, delivering lines that lack both wit and originality. It's as if the writers thought slapping together a series of juvenile jokes would be enough to carry the film, and it simply isn't.

The characters, rather than being fleshed out and relatable, are reduced to one-dimensional stereotypes. The film presents a cast of caricatures that lack depth, making it impossible for the audience to connect with them. The lead, who is supposed to embody the beleaguered soldier, comes off as a whiny figure rather than a sympathetic protagonist. We're left watching a man grappling with absurdity, yet his struggles are portrayed with such lack of nuance that it becomes exhausting to endure.

Pacing is another major flaw. Scenes drag on interminably, leading to a tedious viewing experience. There are moments that could have been punchy and impactful, yet they are stretched out to the point of tedium. It feels as if the filmmakers were unsure of their own material, afraid to edit down the excess fat. As a result, what could have been a tight, humorous commentary becomes a meandering slog that tests the viewer's patience.

Visually, "The Emu War" fails to impress as well. Cinematography is uninspired and lacks the vibrant depiction of Australia's landscapes that one might hope for in a film about this unique historical event. Instead, we get drab settings that contribute nothing to the story. The emus themselves, which could have been depicted as both comical and menacing, are rendered as cartoonish antagonists. This reduces them to mere props in a poorly crafted narrative rather than the formidable force they were in real life.

The film also attempts to inject social commentary, but it misses the mark spectacularly. There are glimmers of potential insight into the absurdity of government responses to crises, yet these moments are drowned out by the surrounding mediocrity. Rather than offering a fresh perspective on the folly of war-no matter how trivial-viewers are left with a series of half-baked ideas that feel tacked on and unoriginal.

Humor is where "The Emu War" truly fails. What could have been an opportunity for clever satire is instead filled with forced jokes and awkward attempts at slapstick. There's a blatant reliance on cheap laughs that feel more appropriate for a low-tier sketch show than a feature film. The comedic timing is often off, leaving viewers cringing rather than chuckling. It's frustrating to watch as the film stumbles over its own attempts at humor, making it clear that the writers had no grasp of what truly constitutes comedy.

To say that "The Emu War" is a disappointment would be an understatement. It's an affront to the very idea of storytelling. The film feels less like a homage to a bizarre historical event and more like a failed experiment in bad taste. Instead of a celebration of the absurd, we're left with a tedious, uninspired narrative that drags on without any real purpose or enjoyment.

In summary, "The Emu War" is a cinematic disaster that proves that not all quirky tales deserve to be told. It's a cautionary tale about how not to approach a fascinating historical moment. If you're seeking entertainment or even a modicum of engagement, I urge you to look elsewhere. This film is best left forgotten, a reminder that even the most outlandish stories can fall victim to poor execution. Save yourself the time and frustration; this is one "war" that should have never been waged on the big screen.

Juvenile, pathetic and not funny

I agree with the comments made by reddfivepublishing, which I now summarise, as I could not improve upon them. 100% spot on!

• I sat at the back of the cinema waiting for the film to find a rhythm to its madness or a single joke that landed, and it never happened.

• one of the most fundamentally lazily written films I've seen in a very long time.

• The entirety of The Emu War is the same joke repeated again and again "let's tell an unintentionally unfunny gag which is so dumb and lowbrow that the audience will appreciate the irony".

• despite the sincere efforts of the filmmakers, it seems like an improv comedy group decided to frantically pull out the most juvenile gags they could and stuffed it onto the page.

• The Emu War doesn't have a script. It doesn't have a story.

• It has and endless surplus of dialogue which the filmmakers seem to think are jokes, many of which are flashbacks seemingly designed to distract from the fact that the story is absent and bereft of movement. I could forgive this if the movie was funny because it aspires to be a comedy more than anything, but I couldn't find a single good thing to write about.

• To its credit, the visual effects in The Emu War are pretty decent.

• And the cast give it a very sincere effort, even if the material they're working with isn't pristine.

• films typically have narrative, script and storytelling etiquette to go with them. Those are three things, among many, many others, which are completely absent from The Emu War.

• it's a silly little film made by a bunch of people who just wanted to have a good time, but I didn't have anything close to a good time watching it.

• All I could say was "Gallipoli was funnier".

The only other reviewer (roddraper-227-22177) must be associated with the film or the filmmakers to have given it a 9 out of 10.

75 minutes of my life wasted that I can never get back. You have been warned!

Looking at the other reviews, apparently this movie came into contact with the wrong kind of audience.

Of course it is stupid, of course it's dumb, and messy and over top! Have you read the description? It's about going to war with emus... What did you expect?

It is not a sharp biting commentary on bureaucracy, with fleshed out characters or well-written dialogue or big budget birds, or relatable situations. It never claimed to be. And if you went into this expecting something like that, you are lost, very lost. Please find the nearest exit, you are definitely in the wrong place.

It is juvenile, nonsensical, chaotic and most of all silly.

Go watch it with friends. Don't watch it if you're looking for anything that's historically accurate or thought-provoking or realistic.

I hope this helps.

Firstly, what the hell is Screen Australia doing funding absolute garbage such as this when much better quality films and genuine filmmakers cannot even get a meeting with them. This tripe is a blight on the Australian film industry and an insult to every other Australian filmmaker who busts their arses to try and get funding.

To the guys who made this film, stick to what you know, because filmmaking isn't it.

And to those who gave glowing reviews, I can only believe they are associated with the film or filmmakers.

Production values were so non existent that I've seen better offers from a Year 10 media class.

Avoid this at all costs.