EatThatPie

Chip Bryant made a deal with the devil to make the worst film of all time, Chip would make a shocking amount of funds out of Amazon prime rentals and Satan would get an incredible new torture method for the denizens in the lake of fire.

To put it simply, this basically is not even a movie. The animators didn't feel like animating most of the character's bodies and so they stare blankly into space while they cycle the same mouth moving animation regardless of what they're saying, even if they gasp or scream. The backgrounds are all basically stock images and not a single character is able to move. It was genuinely a surprise when a character expressed a different emotion. The film just cycles through 2 or 3 camera angles in each dialogue exchange, and you will rarely see a different angle of specific character.

The dialogue is abysmal; besides it being unrealistic they all talk extremely slow to draw out the runtime. This is made all the more unpleasant that the 3 voice actors who do the 10+ characters are incapable of conveying any emotion. We started timing conversations and there were several scenes where they repeated themselves in a cycle for upwards of 3-4 minutes. The "team" that made this crime against humanity clearly couldn't sit with this just being a video short and really wanted it to be a "movie" to justify charging actual currency to watch it on Amazon. The only purpose this served for us was for mockery, and occasional enjoyment on just how horrid the film was, especially when a voice actor will randomly make autistic noises mid-sentence.

The plot and setting make no sense. You will probably think I'm trolling but towards the climax, Santa commands a space dreadnought and goes into a space chase with Dracula and a Patrick Warburton Frankenstein because the Elf he sent couldn't be bothered to do anything except stand there and exchange word salad with someone who takes 3 minutes to finish a sentence. A turkey is sent back in time, NOT to take turkeys off the menu but to pull a Meet the Robinsons with a Jimmy Neutron ripoff who hates reality and wishes to starve and perish in the Jurassic Period for some reason. The villain basically has no plan and every character is a moron. Convenient teleportation devices litter the entire movie and there's a T-Rex unironically wearing a dog translation collar from UP (2009). Nothing makes sense, every character is insane and/or stupid, every character is hyperfocused on just wasting everyones time with word salad at all time, and it's barely about thanksgiving.

Chip Bryant, please, do not ever make anything ever again.

Under any circumstance DO NOT WATCH THIS unless you are a North Korean dictator and the water torture just isn't giving great results anymore.

The first 20 minutes are enjoyable at best, and then the people making this didn't know what to do after they went back in time to the first thanksgiving to get turkeys off the menu so they just goof off with this random native american turkey tribe. They don't even get turkeys off the menu they just give them pizza and I guess every human for the rest of history has no taste in turkeys for the rest of their existence.

Every character is stupid why are they shooting cannons at turkeys why did that happen why does "Free Bird" by leonard not play in the movie called Free Birds why did they do this awful up around the bend cover

Stupid marketable gremlin porg baby yoda angry birds hatchlings need to be curb stomped hate

the baseball card was jake jr the baseball card was jake jr son of jake.

Bad movie.