I was hoping to die because I just couldn't face getting clean. I'd rather have put a gun to my head. Alcohol and drugs are pretty rampant on the reservations. I tasted my first drink at the age of 15. I got drunk and thought, 'This is the best thing ever'. Later, my parents were starting to separate so I was very angry. I thought if I stayed with them I'd get thrown into jail for being drunk or knock a girl up. So I ran away to New York and, at 21, started studying acting. My favourite actors had started in New York - Newman, Brando, Pacino. I thought I was in heaven. But my habit eventually led me straight to hell. One night someone whips out some white powder. I was already drunk so I thought, 'Yeah, cocaine. I'll try that'. Then a girl I was dating introduced me to heroin. I started smoking it then snorting it. Three months in, I was doing it every day. My work ethic went out the door. I tried to stop drinking and doing drugs on my own but I was scared to quit because I knew withdrawals would kick in. One night I ended up in jail because I'd bought some weed and two undercover cops nabbed me. Another night, I was doing speedballs - a potent mix of heroin and cocaine - and I remember lying in bed thinking, 'This is it. If I go to sleep I'll end up dead on a dirty mattress'." They asked us [in rehab] to work out how much we'd spent on drugs. I'd blown $2million.
