God Knows Where I Am

"God Knows Where I Am" (2017 release; 97 min.) is a documentary about Linda Bishop. As the movie opens, we are at "393 Mountain Road, Concord, New Hampshire" and it is "May 3, 2008". The body of a woman is found in an empty house by a prospective buyer who was taking a look inside. It's not long before the body is identified as being Linda Bishop. The investigating cop cannot believe his good fortune that she left a diary of the last months of her life. It contains a letter saying: "To whomever finds my body, I am a victim of domestic violence/abuse." The documentary goes back in time to Linda's upbringing and youth... At this point we're 10 min. into the movie but to tell you more of the story would spoil your viewing experience, you'll just have to see for yourself how it all plays out.

Couple of comments: this is the directing debut of long time documentary producers Jedd and Todd Wider ("Taxi to the Dark Side"). Here they bring the story of a woman whose death seems suspect. Was she abused? Was she on the run form the law? The directors do a marvelous job at going back in time, and the slowly letting things unfold, as if taking off lawyer after layer from an onion. Of course this film could never have been made without the extraordinary journals of Linda Bishop (who are read in a voice over during much of the film). This movie sheds new light on the incredible and devastating illness that is schizophrenia. Sometime in the film it is mentioned that there are 2.5 million people in this country suffering from schizophrenia, of which HALF deny that there is anything wrong with them (Linda Bishop was one of those). Linda's sister, daughter, and a slew of friends and others who know her are all interviewed at length. It all makes for a terrific, if very sad, documentary. "Dear God, please save me" are the opening words of the film (from Bishop's journals). And that's just the first emotional gut punch. Don't tell me you weren't warned...

"God Knows Where I Am" opened out of the blue and without any pre-release hype or advertising at my local art-house theater here in Cincinnati. Curiosity got the better of me, so I checked it out. So glad I did. The Sunday matinée screening where I saw this at was attended okay but not great (probably the perfect weather had something to do with that). If you like documentaries, by all means do not miss this one but be prepared for a emotional wallop. "God Knows Where I Am" is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!

Stunningly accurate portrayal of the innocence of the person with mental illness be it bipolar, schizophrenia or both. It has been four years since my father was arrested with many counts of felony charges living a similar unknowingly, self-destructive path; the late onset of his disease started at age 56 years old. Thankfully, by the grace of God, the court required him to take medication. He has lived with myself and granddaughter for the last 7 years and even before that off and on for ten years. I pray that treatment continues to bless him with good control over this illness albeit imperfect yet striving to beat it. The answer to this is love, hope and forgiveness. Never give up but I know it will hurt.

The subject matter has been well covered in other reviews, but I just want to mention that the film making's use of conventional documentary tropes such as re enactments, voice over, interviews, and pans over letters, are somehow woven together in a mesmerizing fashion with absolutely beautiful cinematography and lighting of the re enactments, which are shot in the actual house. The shots linger over beautifully lit and composed scenes, without feeling slow. The voice actress that plays the crazy lady is really good. The music is subtle but creepy and melancholy and really adds to the atmosphere. Almost every line is a description of the woman by another person who starts out with the word "she", which at times is almost overwhelming though i'm sure that was the point. "she was this, she was that, she was the other, she did this she did that," imagine hearing sentences starting with the word she at least 200 times. Anyways the production values here really elevate this over the way this type of story is usually handled.

It is a very moving, emotional and, frankly, depressing portrayal of how the mentally ill often fall through the cracks and fail to receive the care and assistance that they need. However, I didn't feel that the film really gave enough detail or information about the woman herself. We learned about her childhood and did get some sense of what it was like for her based on her own journal entries, but I still felt like most of the film contained very little about the victim and was mostly just dramatic cinematography which stretched out the length but didn't add any real substance. The whole thing could really have been condensed into a 30 minute length program. So, while I was captivated by the tragedy of this woman's story, it felt too drawn out and left me with so many questions about her illness and the events that led her to that house, that overall I was pretty disappointed.

As a former psychiatric patient who ultimately chose talk therapy over medication, it's important for me to understand that psychiatric drugs are often necessary and therapeutic. I'm not sure, however, that the average viewer fully understands how traumatic psychiatric treatment can be, or the deleterious side effects of the antipsychotic drug therapies that were part of Linda's treatment.

It is heartbreaking how the stress of work, being a single mother, and the fraying of family relationships due to paranoia from Linda's illness all contributed to a loss of functionality and a downward spiral, as the documentary portrays. I do feel compassion for Linda's sister and friends and the owner's of the house where Linda starved to death, unknown to them.

The average viewer may not see God in the tragic story, but I'm not sure He wasn't with Linda. You see, she was losing touch with reality and couldn't deal with the treatment her illness would require. An abandoned house must have seemed the only option. But, something prevented her from harming others. Even her imaginary husband, Steve, was perhaps a reminder of love and family, perhaps because she had seen him being part of a loving couple at the Chinese restaurant while she was waitressing.