Sharkenstein

I was initially intrigued by the somewhat interesting and nicely made movie cover for "Sharkenstein", but when I started to watch it I knew that this was going to be a stinker. It is hard to fathom that movies like this are still being made, and we are now writing 2016.

I made it 10 minutes into the movie before I was ready to end it all. I just gave up out of sheer hopelessness and a lack of will to go on. This movie was bad, unbelievably bad in every aspect.

The CGI animated shark was so poorly made that it was a literal eyesore to witness. And with CGI effects so poor, a creature feature is just doomed to fail horribly.

The acting in the movie was as to be expected. It was wooden, rigid and stiff at best. And from the 10 minutes I watched, then I just knew that there was not going to be anyone capable of salvaging this train wreck of a movie.

I will not be giving "Sharkenstein" a second chance, because there literally is nothing entertaining or worth wasting an hour and thirteen minutes on here. Sure, it had a really good movie cover, but it just proves that you can't judge a movie by its cover!

It is rare that I actually give up on a movie. Which just indicates that a movie has to be unfathomably horrible and boring, which was the case with "Sharkenstein".

Stay well clear of this one.

Sharkenstein (2016)

* (out of 4)

Towards the end of WWII a German scientist is working on a shark made from various shark parts. Nothing happens until the current times when a nut gets control of the shark and sends in on a killing spree.

SHARKENSTEIN is obviously a film that you shouldn't expect too much from. The title pretty much tells you what you're about to get into you and if you're expecting SyFy type of material then you've still got your expectations a bit too high. Some might find this mildly entertaining if you like really bad movies with awful monsters.

The CGI shark looks horrible but I'm really hoping the filmmakers knew this and purposely set loose a bad looking shark. It really does look like an ugly doll at times so I'm sure no one really expected it to scare people. In fact, my kid watched this and could tell something wasn't right with this shark. The CGI blood effects really aren't much better and there's no other bits of exploitation to make the film stand out.

As it stands, SHARKENSTEIN is pretty much a really bad movie but the badness of the shark brings some mild entertainment. The performances are pretty much bland, the characters silly and what plot is here isn't worth talking about.

Initially, I was watching a Law & Order SVU episode. It was the episode where ADA Barba leaves the show after making a life changing decision of a comatose baby. I found that episode thought-provoking and sad; there really were no good decisions to be made regarding the baby.

After the SVU episode ended, my family was preparing to watch this movie, and I decided to join them. I had no idea what this movie would be except for the title. So, I assumed the film would be a "Sharknado" competitor...

Anyone that watches the first 10 minutes of this film will understand that this film is a comedy! Enough said.

I've seen TERRIBLE movies. Extreme emphasis on terrible. I need to wash my eyes out after this. It was five minutes in and I already had so much criticism about it. This looks like it was edited by a baby. 1. Submarines don't just go down directly, they submerge slowly. 2. Water doesn't look like that. 3. Props are terrible. 4. The acting makes me want to barf. 5. The camera is shaking. 6. Last but certainly not least the clothing, makeup, and hair is terrible? Who dressed them? The undead? I can see why they call it a comedy. I CACKLED at everything terrible. Can't see why it was a horror though. I'm 13 and I can act WAY better than them. The actors need YEARS of classes. The transitions were horrible as well.

Of course there's bad acting and terrible cgi, what would you expect? I didn't expect one of the 3 kids to have gray hair, wearing his hat sideways to appear young and another to be a stripper in a one piece bathing suit acting like an intellectual prude. That helped distract me from the lack of story and action. There is a giant plot hole that I won't mention because I don't want to spoil it but over all it's exactly what you would expect from a movie with this name. I'm not sure why they say it's a comedy but I did laugh once.