Star Paws

First off, some of these early, glowing reviews here are obviously planted reviews. Other movies on their 10/10 review list share either the same writer or director - and I'm certain those other movies are trash too.

Anyway, if you want to see terrible, repetitive CGI, stupid dialog reminiscent of the stories kids make up on-the-fly as they play with their toys, and a few shots of real dogs sitting, panting, and sometimes walking, then this is the movie for you. It's so completely pointless its only purpose was to make a quick buck. It's padded with pointless dialog and "educational" tidbits to lengthen this junk to feature length. I'm looking at the same shot of the same pair of panting white dogs right now - for the fifth time already. The limited footage repeats as often as a child's attention span would allow. The animals "speak" but it's only a voiceover. They didn't even attempt to make the dogs do it. They just sit there.

So pointlessly stupid. Worth a watch if you wanna see how stupid stupid can get.

This is basically a PowerPoint with the same cgi shots over and over again. The plot is completely incomprehensible and like...bad. It's bad. Really bad. I'm actually wondering if Evan is doing all of this to launder money because looking at his filmography, it's all this way.

Couldn't tell you what the characters were named, couldn't tell you what the plot was. There's not a single thing in this "movie" that is an actual movie. It's an hour of monologuing and the worst script I've ever heard. It wasn't even funny in a bad way, it was literally just bad. This website requires more words so I'll keep rambling, much like this movie. Doesn't even deserve a 1.

From other reviews i fought it was going to be awful, but now I see that those guys re just haters. This movie, was really funny and I loved it.

This ... thing seems to be amed aroung 7years, some cheap, but oddly satisfying edutainment monstrosity.

The only good animation is the space-fights, so I suspect some stock-footage from somewhere, otherwise the film is pretty atrocious, but it could be worse, and it is in Jurassic Bark, which is a remake of this? Who knows.

The script is a mess, the animation is lazy, the live dogs are entirely weird, but I give it a 5/10, because although being an obvious cashgrab, it's not boring.

I really hate when a franchise is run so deep into the ground that it ends up six feet under from having been dead for so long that no one even knows what the original movie was about. This is one such franchise. "Cats And Dogs" was a fun and enjoyable movie with some bad puns and decent practical effects, but like many other similar franchises (Air Bud comes to mind), some people just can't seem to let it go and so they keep pumping out sequel after sequel in the hopes of keeping the zombie alive long enough to make money off of. If you want an idea what you're in store for, nothing on the cover art shows up in the movie except for some vague representations of what it shows. None of the dogs have collars or headsets, the cat doesn't wear a belt, the golden lab doesn't have headphones or a remote, and the bone is a rawhide bone. I guess that was the concept art to pitch the movie.

Star Paws continues this tradition of beating the proverbial dead horse to the point that there's nothing left. The name gives indication that this is a Star Wars rip-off and when an opening narration starts off with "A long time ago...", it's made even more apparent. Having come out the year after "The Force Awakens" (and December no less), the movie obviously tries to cash in on two franchises by promising lots of lasers and light swords. Well, you're in for some major disappointment. What you end up with is a 120 minute movie of stationary (real) dogs and bottom of the barrel CGI cats... that last part actually made no sense. For some reason, the producer decided that real dogs and CG cats were the way to go and it really makes for a good trip into the "what the hell?" zone. The dogs themselves are fine, though there are only four total through the entire movie and are the only real animals present... well, aside from a couple of goats and a chicken, but they are only there for a moment. At some point I was fairly certain that the dogs had been sedated as most of the time is spent starting at them as they stare back at the camera and at least half of that time is them staring back with eyes half closed looking as if they had been drugged. I'm not exaggerating, the dogs look drugged. I would compare this to another scene where the same dog is in a press conference (I think) and looks spritely and alive as he stands at the podium, it's almost like a different dog. The husky that shows up every now and then just has this dumbfounded look on his face no matter the shot. The entire movie must have been shot in one take because they literally recycle the same shots for almost every other scene. Using similar scenes for movies is nothing new, but I'm certain that if you cut out the repeated scenes, the movie would be a half hour long. I'm also very certain that if you recut this properly, it could end up as a 15 minute short on Youtube.

The rest of the animals, the cats and the dinosaurs, are completely CG and are some of the worst I've seen... not THE worst, but they rank right up there. The cats especially look like someone just learning to do CG work, the limb movements are all wrong (for humanoid or animal) and the mouths never, EVER sync up with the voices... though I will give them credit for at least making their mouths move as the dogs have zero mouth articulation. This is not an uncommon in animal movies, but it really gets hard to tell who is talking at times without a mouth movement. The only two cats that talk do have moving mouths and they look like someone broke the clone cat #9's jaw at certain points. Since they also recycle the same shots over and over, you can't miss it. I would also like to point out that a number of the CG models used in this movie are not original models. At least two of the ships in the opening battle scene are from DAZ Studios (I happen to own both myself) and I'm fairly certain some of the other ships and dinosaur models are from DAZ as well. As this is not a terrible thing so long as they obtained the license for them to use in the movie, I do find it cheating instead of coming up with your own designs to make money off of, but that's my own personal opinion.

The plot... I think there was a plot... centers around 'THE BONE', the almost "McGuffin" plot device that apparently came from God's left leg because that's how much power it has. I'm really confused on the plot actually, it seems to go two ways with the cats wanting the bone to be able to eat it forever and another plot about the cats using it to rule all universes, galaxies, and dimensions (yep, in that order) to steal all their sardines, kibble, and "fishie" things. The movie never actually makes up its mind what plot to go with and just bounces back and forth. The dogs are creating a time machine to go back to the Jurassic period to find The Bone, even though they literally say IN THE MOVIE that the bone was found in the basement of a museum, but they totally ignore this. The cats find out about this and begin building their own time machine as well and through numerous scenes of never-ending exposition (the exposition makes up the majority of the movie) both the dogs and the cat go back in time to get the bone. The entire time they are in the Jurassic period, they are somehow able to speak perfect English (or whatever the equivalent might be for animals) with the dinosaurs. That left me scratching my head. I try not to think too deep about movies that have two different races with different languages speaking to each other, but this one just boggled my mind.

If that isn't insulting enough, as I came here to review this, I wanted to see what others had said and wondered HOW it had a 6/10 rating and discovered that two of the reviews are from the same person and one of those repeat reviewers and another reviewer have near identical grammar mistakes. Another review said there are scenes that might scare children. I'm not sure I was watching the same movie he was, but unless your child very young and is only amused by moving pictures and doesn't understand plot, they're going to be bored out of their mind. This movie doesn't even rank up there with the "so bad it's good" movies because it's just a cheaply made cash grab for two franchises and done so poorly that I don't understand how it even got made. Even Asylum movies can have some entertainment from being so bad, but this was just boring and I kept looking at the time to see how long I had left.

Why did I even bother getting this movie? Back when "The Force Awakens" came out, I began researching and searching Star Wars rip-offs (also including parodies and homages, I also have a list here) and during a trip to the store, I found this movie and had to add it to the growing collection. I honestly can't recommend this even for the "see how bad it is" reason. If you watch this, it's of your own decision, but you are going to be bored and wish you had those two hours back.

I did find one thing amusing, however, there are only five voice actors in this movie. One voice actor is credited SEVEN times while another is credited four times. There are only 13 actual characters with two more being "additional voices".