Graveyard Stories

This anthology is fun and if you're a Kaufman fan it's even more fun. If you're not a Kaufman fan might be a good time to try and watch his classics Poultrygeist and Toxic Avenger among others. Grab a big bowl of buttery greasy popcorn, add beer, soda or whiskey and enjoy yourself. Great for a night of Netflix and chill with your significant other. I met Lloyd Kaufman and he is the last of a dying breed of Great B Horror movie writers, producers, directors and actors. ENJOY!!

I can't believe this even qualified as a movie. Movies typically have a larger budget than $10. That's most likely what they paid the actors (together) so this explains why it looks like this was filmed illegally without permits and with VHS camcorders. This movie is hands down the worst I've ever seen in my entire 48 years of life. I've seen better acting at a 4th grade Christmas play. Not one (1) of these people should even be considered actors because that is the last thing any of them are. The performance is as horrible as the storylines and in truth is the only horror you will see in this one hour and fourty one minutes of your life that you will never get back again.

If you actually came out of pocket to see this nonsense you should file a lawsuit against the entity that took your money for insulting your intelligence and defrauding you claiming it to be a movie. If they spent more than one hour filming this fiasco it certainly doesn't reflect it in this thing. They should be ashamed of themselves for even putting this out as something they thought the public would enjoy.

If this "movie" receives just one good review it's only because it came from one of the producers.

Hosted by the storyteller, a short anthology of terror tales is presented for everyone.

The Good Stor(ies): Story 1-Trying to get away from her abusive stepdad, a teenager in a small town incurs the wrath of a savage killer terrorizing the town. This was a fairly solid and enjoyable starting point that gives this a fun way to open up. The simple setup involving the reports of the savage killer running loose and the sleazy dynamic at home involving the stepfather and daughter provide a great starting point that can go in numerous directions. Indeed, when she leaves the house despite the angered threats and the car appears, it seems as though the premonition came true with some brief but suspenseful tales involving the killer potentially following her, so that when the full twist is revealed and everything gets twisted around, this has a decent shock ending to go along with the fine gore present in a fun opener.

Story 2-After murdering its caretaker, a group of agents in possession of a cursed mummy find it come to life seeking revenge on them. This was a decent enough tale that manages to offer up some interesting ideas but is hampered by its running time from exploring them. The formulaic story about the figure being the subject of intense scrutiny after the belief that it's still alive and out to avenge those that disturbed his sleep, which makes for a generally solid revenge rampage against the group that came in and stole the professor's work on the creature. This is fun enough with some cheesy gore and enough fun to make up for a slacked pace that spends far too much time on the build-up with the professor's dreams and visions about the mummy coming to life so that the rampage part of the film is rushed through with little time to breathe. It's not enough, though, to lower this one.

Story 3-Trying to get her house cleared up, a woman becomes concerned that an antique doll has been possessed by black magic and is out to get her. This was a fairly enjoyable if somewhat slightly problematic story that's brought down mainly by its length than anything. The whole idea of this one featuring the woman frantically trying to clean her house, unaware of the growing circumstances that would lead her to believe that something's wrong, including the flashing visuals of dolls and other objects moving around the house while the flashing thunderstorm adds a flair of Gothic atmosphere to everything going on. The resolution is a bit rushed and feels like a cheat with the involvement of the characters that bring it around to a neat resolution it never really needed, but against it, it's not a big deal and doesn't bring this down much.

Story 5-After murdering a drug-dealer, a dishonest cop is forced to deal with the consequences of too many similar skeletons in his closet. This was a fairly fun way to end this, as it goes for a solid old-school formula. The idea of the past coming back to haunt someone after one too many incidents that leave him as an openly degenerate figure in need of comeuppance works incredibly well to paint the background characters in the necessary broad strokes that move this one along quite nicely into the actual retribution angle which becomes the main selling point here. As this is all formulaic to a large degree, there's not a lot of surprise in what's going on with everything being familiar and generally easy to guess what's going to happen, but that's to be expected here and doesn't hold this one down.

The Bad Stor(ies): Story 4-Leaving her lover's house, a cheating wife takes a detour through a supposedly haunted bridge to get home safely. This was a mildly disappointing effort that should've been much better than it is. The fact that there's not much in the way of actual genre content here with the majority of the segment spent on looking up where the actual bridge is located and what she needs to do to get to the other side safely. That focuses the main part of this to rely on driving around aimlessly or talking with the one local who knows what's going on, which makes for a severely dragged-out time before anything happens, as it's barely shown here interacting with the fabled location. These scenes are chilling and tremendously atmospheric, which, along with the fun central setup, helps somewhat to overcome the rest of the sluggish material here.

Wrap-Around-Traveling through the countryside, a guy takes a ride with a mysterious driver who begins relating terrifying tales to him. This serves as a fine wrap-around segment even more than the main wrap-around that introduces everything. The idea of the guy going around with the traveler relating these various stories in the car ride there or the haunted attracted he works at that provides a great way of integrating the next story into the running time. The storyline about them together is fun enough and manages to work far better than the other wrap-around with a second host that introduces the storyteller who talks to the traveler, so it's a redundant concept that smacks of adding extra star power for no reason. It's the one thing about this section that doesn't work, as the rest of this is quite fun.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Language and Violence.

I've seen some bad movies in my time but I'm sorry but this movie has to be the biggest waste of time and money in the annals of movie history. This lame, cheesy "horror" anthology looks like a local amateur dramatic society has put on a show for the local villiage to entertain them. The acting is so wooden, they look like a bunch of dolls walking around in slow motion and the dialogue makes you want to cringe. Did they get these actors out of a lucky bag? If they did these "candies suck." The scenes with the toilet rolled covered growling mummy who kills the guy who has tomato soup" pouring out of his mouth and those "evil" dolls poking around the corner on the end of someone's arm show you just how bad this movie is. In fact it should come with a health warning: AVOID: Do not waste your time!!! bcarruthers-76500

I really dislike horror "Legend" Lloyd Kaufman, so when his face immediatly popped up I expected the worst. The man really is the pits.

Oddly the film has two wrap arounds which is bizzare, one with Kaufman and the other with Jim O'Rear. Doesn't take a genius to tell which I preffered.

I can only assume Kaufman was brought into add some star power to this low budget effort, when really it takes credibility away from the film!

This horror anthology is made up up 5 tales including a masked killer, a mummy, a black magic doll, a hungry goblin and ghosts haunting a dirty cop.

None of the tales are bad, but none are good either including the wraparound story.

There are plenty of great horror anthologys out there, this isn't one of them.

The Good:

Passable stories

The Bad:

Kaufman

Ropey sfx

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Kaufman needs to retire