La Maldición De David

1. It's a BuzzFeed Studios original film, and BuzzFeed is a putrid pestilence, a blight on Internet's body that fuels the addiction to the "content" and boils people's brains. *a disgruntled Desperate Housewives character GIF*

2. The main character is a chubby, neck-bearded, latte-sipping, overly sensitive yet sarcastic gamer dude in his 30s, obediently serving the corporate by doing a laptop-ridden, "creative" job of drawing infantile, disposable comics. In other words, the very worst caricature of Millennials you could imagine. *a reality show Black woman cackling GIF*

3. The story is contrived, exploitative and unapologetically poorly-thought. *an Ad*

4. The dialogues are written by someone severely lacking real-life communication skills and experience. *an Andy Samberg "Gotcha!" GIF*

5. There's a scene where the main character (an adult man, in case you missed) hides under the blanket. *a Steve Harvey "WTF" GIF*

6. The CGI is ludicrous and amateur. *an Ad*

7. The scariest thing about Dear David is that it might be the last thing someone watched before dying. What a horrible way to go. *a creepy smiling Willem Dafoe GIF*

8. The script fails miserably to blend elements of horror, comedy and drama together, creating an uneven and borderline appalling mess.

9. The whole Twitter killer schtick died in 2014, when there was supposed to be a film called #ikllr, but even the director bailed on it and left it permanently unfinished. *a The Office "It's true" GIF*

10. Dear David is a cringe-inducing, shallow, vapid and downright miserable experience that no one deserves.

Related article: These 27 Twitter Threads Absolutely Do Not Need A Screen Adaptation.

I assumed Dear David to be a serious horror movie, however it blew me away with it's horrible attempts at being scary! The script is unnatural and tonedeaf, this is not how the internet works and this is not how people talk. Every jumpscare flopped, there was no suspense or tension throughout, very disappointing for a HORROR MOVIE. Despite being produced by BuzzFeed, (a news company that writes about stuff that happens on the internet) it felt out of touch and was as if it was written by someone who doesn't use the internet often. Ontop of that, the story and script made no sense, despite being based off of something that (supposedly) actually happened. And, with as little spoilers as possible, the video game segment was the worst bit of this movie. If I had a single ounce of respect for this movie after any of the previous events, it was gone after the video game segment. All in all, this movie is atrocious, it isn't scary or funny, or even entertaining! Save your money and keep away.

A horror-movie, with at its core the (over)abundant use of social media, has an attractive 2020's touch to it. The critical edge is well done, we see the main character being absorbed by his cell phone, to the extent of neglecting his friends and even his lover; and we see how his social media company thrives on inventing new trending topics - however extreme or cringing - just to expand their bulk of followers.

But as an intended horror movie it fails. The premise is just too farfetched, and the execution too chaotic to make it really involving. Apart from a few creepy images, that flash by in an instant, there's hardly anything scary going on, and it's hard to get a grip on the supposed narrative. It's some sort of Candyman or Bye Bye Man "saying something three times" thing: in this case asking the supernatural internet troll a question three times, that does the trick of summoning a horrific fate unto yourself. But why this troll haunts the internet, or why Adam is chosen as a target, never becomes clear. The acting was just average. And it didn't really help that the Adam-character was rather sulky and unsympathetic, and not very pleasant to look at.

I was so looking forward to the movie version of this story for quite awhile. Glad I waited to watch it on a 7 day free trial of Starz because I would have asked for my money back if I saw it at the movie theater! And I want my free trial back! Lol..The original story that Adam Ellis put on Twitter (X) 😂) was so much better and creepier than the Hollywood version. I found it by accident and was glued to the entire thread. Read it as it plays out on Twitter because it has so many creepy chills even though we know it's fictional. I even liked the original backstory of David better that the movie version. Just don't even bother with the movie it'll be a complete waste of time.

Step 1: Have Buzzfeed be anywhere near it.

Step 2: Be money hungry.

Step 3: Have the most cringe worthy "message/lesson"

Honestly I ADORED the story on Twitter (X) and having LoeyLane read us the tweets and discuss it with us. It was some good times and this movie just upped and ruined it. I HATED Adam in this movie.

What I am most disappointed with is Justin Long. Why would he work for/with BUZZFEED? He could have done some much better with another movie. Maybe he needed the money, but honestly is money worth bruising your reputation?

Find the OG story and read it. This strangers wannabe story isn't it. You can do better.