Asesino secreto

I laughed and laughed as I watched this. I confess I like the storyline, but that's where it ends. How reviewers are rating this a minimum of 6 out of 10 is beyond me.

If you're a fan of cold war films from the mid-1950s that reference World War II propaganda, then this film will delight. It doesn't take long into the running time to figure out some plot devices I won't reveal. If you watch it through all the way, just remember the dialogue, "Two men and a girl."

This is some weird crap. It's a great plunge into why television devoured filmgoing when Lucille Ball was trying to figure out how to make her husband more successful than she.

Yes, the cast is great. Yes the first ten minutes or so, up to and including the first twist, is a great movie.

But after that it goes so completely insane in a way that's super not fun or campy or bombastic. It somehow manages to be both boring, and implausible. The plot folds in over on itself. It's just very, very bad writing.

Right now, this has an average of a six. I just think that's way way too high. This deserves a four at best, and so I'm on here to try to push that to happen. I love noir, and I've now watched so many, to relive the high of first seeing the greats. I've seen so many bad ones. This is the worst one I've ever seen.

Drive-in restaurant owner Stan Fabian and his car-hop girlfriend Joanie (Frank Lovejoy and Mari Blanchard) become involved in a scheme to recover the proceeds of an armed heist when Joanie's brother (Richard Denning) unexpectedly arrives in town. Her brother offers Stan half of his share of a robbery he pulled off while in the Army in WWII if Stan will travel back to Germany with him to help retrieve the buried gold. Complications and a few surprising turn of events arise along the way.

This low budget crime drama starts off promisingly enough but quickly fizzles out under the strained believably of the plot and characters. It was directed by Nathan Juran with a decidedly disinterested feel. Juran was a director who was capable of doing some decent low budget pictures like Gunsmoke and Highway Dragnet. Juran just didn't breath much life into this one. All of the principals struggle with their character identities. The script has Lovejoy who was at his best as a tough guy with a hard edge, walking around through most of the movie in an impatiently perplexed way, seemingly oblivious to what most people would consider obvious. His role seems to pivot around implausible reactions to Denning's character for the sole purpose of making it possible to move on to the next scene. Blanchard's character lacks believe-ability. It makes it hard to understand why even the perennially perplexed Lovejoy would be willing to risk so much for a character with such head-scratchingly odd reactions and shifting motivations. The script moves from one contrived situation stacked upon another contrived situation in order to reach the end.

The Crooked Web has recently been released on Film Noir DVD packages. It's part of the current marketing ploy of repackaging black and white 1950's crime dramas and labeling them as Film Noir. While it does have a noir influence, it's a garden variety, double feature, crime B-flick. Anybody looking for the next undiscovered gem in the mold of "Double Indemnity" or "Out of the Past" should keep on looking because this isn't it.

Both Juran and the cast had better days then what we see here. Other than some early on interesting exterior shots of 1950's L.A. there isn't a lot to recommend in this one.

Frank Lovejoy runs a roadside cafe. He's in love with carhop Mari Blanchard, and wants to get married. She wants security. When her brother, Richard Denning, shows up, he's got a big deal in Chicago, which Mari drunkenly spills to Frank is about $200,000 in stolen and buried gold in Germany. Deming is willing to cut Frank in for operating expenses.... yet when Frank goes home, Denning and Miss Blanchard meet up and canoodle. When they meet Denning's partner in Chicago, he doesn't want any more partners, and says he'll do it all on his own, so Denning shoots him.

It's clearly a confidence scam at this point. The question is, what has Lovejoy got that they are willing to spend such time and effort to get him to Germany? The movie veers fast and furiously as it bumps along, with a great script. Nathan Juran's directon is adequate, but the performers are up to their roles for a movie that is a lot of fun for fans of con-game movies like me.

Holy cow. Completely ridiculous, unbelievable crime (not noir) drama that would put Ed Wood and Harry Stephen Keeler to shame.

The movie is acted and directed OK, and it's oddly watchable, but the plot is laughable. It's quite simply, ludicrous.