- Lisa Helena Fellini: How could I be that stupid? You're wealthy, good-looking, intelligent, charming! I should have known better than to get mixed up with someone like that.
- Robert L. Talbot: You're not making any sense.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: I don't have to make sense. I'm Italian!
- Lisa Helena Fellini: You're wealthy, good looking, intelligent, charming. I-I should've known better than to get mixed with-with someone like that!
- Sandy: It must have been a terrible war.
- Robert L. Talbot: They usually are.
- Sandy: Yes well I'd like to talk to you about it sometime.
- Robert L. Talbot: About what?
- Sandy: The war.
- Robert L. Talbot: The *war*?
- Sandy: I have a feeling I can help.
- Robert L. Talbot: I doubt it. It's over.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: When they answer, ask for him.
- Sandy: Oh, you think I should?
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Of course! It's like fighting a war. If you retreat and the enemy doesn't follow you, you've got turn around and attack. What good is winning the battle if you lose the war?
- [speaks Italian into the phone]
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Why be miserable with someone you don't love? Better to be miserable with someone you do love!
- Robert L. Talbot: Lisa, I'm asking you in a nice way. Now stop being an idiot! Get off that blasted bus and marry me.
- Robert L. Talbot: You know, man is the only animal clever enough to build the Empire State Building, and *stupid* enough to jump off it!
- Robert L. Talbot: I can go to *jail* for what can happen to those girls!
- Lisa Helena Fellini: What can happen to them? They are four boys and six girls. That adds up to ten, and there's safety in numbers.
- Robert L. Talbot: Now there's more to mathematics than adding. Those boys look *quite capable* of dividing and multiplying!
- Robert L. Talbot: [looking at his villa] I said, isn't that a new color?
- Maurice Clavell: [chuckles] Houses are like women; The older they get, the more paint they need.
- Robert L. Talbot: Lisa, believe me, no love affair can survive if the either part starts to *think*!
- Robert L. Talbot: I want that villa put up for *sale*! And if you can't *sell* it, *burn* it! I've *had* it with this country!
- Maurice Clavell: Sir, this is not time to be burning your villas behind you. She loves you. She wants to marry you!
- Robert L. Talbot: Yeah, she has a funny way of showing it!
- Maurice Clavell: Italian women are emotional. Sh- sh... she been hurt. She wants time to think.
- Robert L. Talbot: Well, I wanna go back to America... where people get married *without* thinking!
- Lisa Helena Fellini: They are normal, healthy boys and normal, healthy girls, no?
- Robert L. Talbot: That can lead to a normal, unhealthy situation, yes.
- Robert L. Talbot: The bedroom is like a wedding gown; it's bad luck to let the fella see you in it before you marry him.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Robert! How could you do this? Hm?
- Robert L. Talbot: I was only following their golden rule: do unto others before they do it to you!
- Robert L. Talbot: Somebody has to look after those girls.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: I think that they're parents' responsibility.
- Robert L. Talbot: You know the trouble with the American parent? They have a new gimmick. Keep your kids off the streets, send them to Europe.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Robert?
- Robert L. Talbot: Mhm?
- Lisa Helena Fellini: When you get to the terrace, would you do me a favour?
- Robert L. Talbot: Sure.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Jump off.
- Robert L. Talbot: It's gone!
- Lisa Helena Fellini: What?
- Robert L. Talbot: There's a body missing. It's the one body I don't wanna have missing.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: I don't care what train Mr. Talbot is taking. As long as he takes it. We don't want him here in Italy. I speak for the government. Goodbye.
- Spencer: I can tell you I've had some problems: those sisters of mine. Well, I had the deuce of a job persuading them that it was the accepted thing nowadays for an Englishman to marry a foreigner.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Here in Italy, I am not the foreigner; you and your sisters are the foreigners.
- Spencer: Oh, yes, of course. I mean, I realize that, but I wouldn't mention it to them. They're really charming girls.
- Robert L. Talbot: [speaking to Lisa] Teenagers are like the H bomb. When they go off, it's much better to observe them from a distance.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Anna, do you know what it means to be happy?
- Anna: Yes, of course.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: But I mean really happy.
- Anna: But that kind of happy only gets you in trouble.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Really, Robert, they're very nice American boys.
- Robert L. Talbot: So was the Dalton gang.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: You know the boys are very hurt; they think you don't like them.
- Robert L. Talbot: The boys are right.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Robert! You have a moral streak.
- Robert L. Talbot: You know me better than that.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Ah! That's another thing. If you loved me, you'd have learned my language! But no, I had to do it. The weeks I spent studying... Learning to speak this... fluid English.
- Robert L. Talbot: Not "fluid." Fluent!
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Big shot! Knows all the words!
- Maurice Clavell: A martini for breakfast?
- Robert L. Talbot: It's great for the morning after, especially if there hasn't been a night before.
- Robert L. Talbot: I just wanna get out of here. If there's a plane, train, or a bus, or a jackass leaving this city, get me on it!
- Spencer: First you say you don't love me, then you spend two nights at a man's villa, and finally, when you return you're arrested.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Oh, well...
- Spencer: Frankly, Lisa, I can't allow this to go on after we're married.
- Robert L. Talbot: Mr Clavell!
- Maurice Clavell: Sir?
- Robert L. Talbot: You are to go with them and you are not to let those girls out of your sight.
- Maurice Clavell: Sir, I can't ride a motor scooter.
- Robert L. Talbot: Then learn.
- Maurice Clavell: I have no sense of balance. I was the only child that ever had to be strapped to his tricycle.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Where's the telephone?
- Anna: I put him in the dish. Don't let him out. While he's in there, you're safe.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: I am safe whether he is in or out!
- Robert L. Talbot: We never even talked about the future!
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Women don't want talk, they go by intuition. And I've learned one thing: A woman's intuition is a man's best friend!
- Anna: Eleven months of the year you are intelligent. A good businesswoman. Successful. Then he comes here, and you haven't got a brain in your head.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Please. Oh, please listen to me.
- Robert L. Talbot: There is nothing I'd rather do than listen to you. I couldn't even wait till September. I rearranged my entire schedule to be here early - just to be with you.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Did you?
- Robert L. Talbot: Mm-hmm. Did you miss me?
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Yes.
- Robert L. Talbot: Well, tell me.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: I missed you.
- Robert L. Talbot: Oh, Lisa. Lisa. My sweet, sweet Lisa.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: Yes, Roberto.
- Robert L. Talbot: Now, listen carefully...
- Lisa Helena Fellini: I can't live like a gypsy. Believe me, Spencer, I'm doing this for your own good. Someday you'll meet a girl who will enjoy going into that cold shower with you.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: I could never be happy living in England.
- Spencer: Oh, you will. Really, you will. I mean England's not a bad place. It's a bit like a cold shower at first, but, I mean, once you get used to it, you'll feel all the better for it.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: I don't like cold showers.
- Lisa Helena Fellini: He has a right to know I'm getting married.
- Anna: A man comes here once a year, stays a month and you never see him for the rest of the year. He has no rights! Send him a letter. That's more than most husbands get.
- Robert L. Talbot: What's the big joke?
- Lisa Helena Fellini: He said, how could he tell her? She was taking a bath, and they're not that friendly.
- Margaret Allison: [views Lisa sashaying up the stairs] Who's she?
- Maurice Clavell: A schoolteacher.
- Margaret Allison: She doesn't look like a schoolteacher.
- Maurice Clavell: Margaret, if beauty symbolized occupation, one might mistake you for a former star of the cinema.
- Margaret Allison: [giggles] Oh, Maurice!
- Maurice Clavell: That's part of the charm of Italy. It's the only country where a man can send a telegram and be reasonably certain he'll be there to receive it.
- Maurice Clavell: The war came along. He was standing sentry duty at an ammunition dump. Blew up.
- Margaret Allison: Really?
- Maurice Clavell: Left him slightly shell-shocked.
- Sandy: You wouldn't know it to look at him.
- Maurice Clavell: No. It's like looking at a magnificent castle with a weak tower.