El cavernario siniestro

MORD39 RATING: ** of ****

This is not a classic by any means, and it shouldn't be expected to be one. The 1950's gave us simple, cheesy fun from more innocent times (which we could all use again).

TEENAGE MONSTER succeeds in providing us with all the things we love in these half-baked films: A laughable monster, former Universal Forties film star Anne Gwynne looking embarassed just having to BE in it, and a scant running time of just over 60 minutes that breezes by with good, clean fun. I'll watch this over a a true modern piece of manure (like 1999's THE MUMMY) any day.

Hey - it's a 50's horror movie, what can we expect, kids?

This one is truly original in that it actually combines werewolves, meteors, and the Old West. However, the sci-fi aspect (meteors) is particularly tenuous - the 'meteor' appears to be a lit sparkler held close to the camera in soft focus. And the 'grown-up' Charles is just unbelievable, even if he is a werewolf - it's seven years later, but he looks at least 40. But if you can deal with 50'd Sci-Fi - you'll find this fun. Nice comment on manipulative women as well -actually a fairly coherent, if more than a bit far out - plot.

Talk about your 50's juvenile delinquents. This one makes Lon Chaney's Wolfman look well groomed. But it's not the kid's fault. Seems something unexplained fell from the sky and turned the boy into a teenage yeti with lockjaw. But Mom keeps him hidden away in her house, otherwise he has a habit of throttling people he meets. Just how she's managed that for years is one of the unexplained mysteries of teenage drive-in.

But hey, I really like the twist with sweet little Ruthie. She's every guy's ideal prom date. But what a calculating little brain behind the charm. In fact, I'd say she's the real teenage monster. After all, our wolfman is more pathetic than evil. A good barber, a few skin grafts, plus a speech coach, might introduce him to semi-polite company. But I guess that's why the setting is back in the 1800's. Anyhow, Gwynne shows her acting chops as long-suffering Mom, while Gloria Castillo scores as Bad Ruthie. I just wish our grunting outcast got more screen credit, maybe the Drive-In Golden Comb for the biggest Elvis pompadour. Now don't laugh, but I take the movie more as a human-interest story than as a scare feature. Plus, it's a rather effective one, despite a plot with more holes than grandma's sieve and a budget of about a buck eighty including bus fare. It's also rather sneaky— that is, see if you think the moral scales properly balance at movie's end. After all, this is the straight-laced 1950's.

Surprise, surprise... "Teenage Monster" isn't all that bad a sci-fi movie. Sure, the teenage monster is laughable: he doesn't look scary at all (just hairy) and you're left wondering if Gil Perkins decided to play a monster with a speech impediment or if he's trying to speak normally and the make-up is making him mumble. Anyway, the result is pretty hilarious. (I meant to say "scary", but the only word I could think of was "hilarious".)

But "Teenage Monster" is pretty educational: did you know what happens when a meteor strikes a father and his son? Well, I didn't! Apparently such a meteor strike kills a grown man, but not a child. However, the child will grow up with an exceptional amount of facial hair. Okay, so the plot seems to be ludicrous to non-existing at first, but give it a few minutes (not too many, the movie is only just over 60 minutes long) and see how scriptwriter Ray Buffum (also the man who penned "Teen-Age Crime Wave", "Brain from Planet Arous" and "Island of Lost Women") adds a few interesting touches to the script: see how the monster's mother tries to hide her son from the villagers (it doesn't help that the sheriff is in love with her) and how the monster is abused by another character. This may not sound too spectacular (and indeed it isn't), but do remember that most 50s sci-fi films offered you a cheesy monster and a dull story: "Teenage Monster", directed by Jacques R. Marquette (famous for directing "Teenage Monster" and ... oh, that's it?), at least tries to offer the viewer a compelling story. Compelling it isn't, but at least it keeps you from being bored and waiting for the next scene with the unconvincing monster.

In TEENAGE MONSTER, an old legend comes true when a meteor (aka: someone waving a sparkler around) sails to Earth, killing a man. Said man's son is burned by the space rock, eventually transforming into a babbling mutant!

Death and destruction ensue, while mom (Anne Gwynne) tries to keep her mutated son hidden.

Set in the 1890's, the story is the same as many such movies from the 1950's. Trade in the horses and western wear, for boat-sized sedans and blue jeans, and this could be one of any number of drive-in spectaculars from the period.

The monster resembles a half-turned werewolf / Barry Gibb hybrid. Hearing him moan, blubber, and whine is as hilarious as it is irritating!

This movie does get high marks for at least trying to be different...