One Million AC/DC

Back by popular demand, "Matthew Rants". Boy, did this movie made me want to rant. It is just an hour and twenty minutes of pure sex and orgies and not enough monsters. I mean the monsters don't get enough screen time. I know that this film contains scenes from "One Million B.C" (1940), but they don't get enough screen time. Now the film's plot is hard to follow because all the scenes are taken up by all the sex with these skinny women. It is about the day in the life of primeval times where man must fight this one T-Rex, where the characteristics change from a plastic toy to a cheesy puppet that was used in "The Mighty Gorga". Speaking of gorilla's, a woman gets raped by an ape. If the that stuff can be released on DVD, then why not "Ingagi" (1930). In a nutshell, I can describe this movies as follows: Crap crap crap crap. Wow, they spoke profanity back then? Crap crap crap. Whoa monsters! Crap crap crap crap crap. That was random. Crap. Yeah the F-word, the three lettered A-word and the four lettered H-word is spoken. The film's plot is a far cry from "One Million B.C."

Bottom line: This is a complete waste of time. A complete wast of money. A complete waste of talent and a complete waste of celluloid.

Rated NC-17 for constant sex.

This has been another "Matthew Rants".

A soft-core movie( I won't call it a comedy, as it's not funny) with inserts of a dinosaur toy. Directed by Gary Graver who has directed 125 movies thus far and none of the watchable (well save for "Arroused", but that's only for Traci Lords) It's pretty horrid when you have to proclaim the worst movie of Ed Woods Jr's life, but that's just what this is. The girls are not even good-looking as they look like they just strolled off a hippie commune. Hippie commune girls are nasty with a capital N. Saw this crap-fest on a Something Weird DVD double-feature with "the Mighty Gorga"

My Grade: F

Eye Candy: every girl gets nude, but there's NOT supermodels BY FAR!!!

Something Weird DVD Extras: Shorts: 'Nightmare', 'Prehistoric Days, and 'Diane the Jungle Girl and her Gorilla of Love'; exploitation art Gallery; Theatrical Trailer; Trailers for :Valley of the Dragons", "Lost Continent", "Equinox", "the Lock Ness Terror", "The Cyclops", "Island of the Dinosaurs", "The Cyclops", "Tom Thumb". and "Sound of Horrors"

Easter Egg: old Volkswagon commercial

"One Million AC/DC" is one in the line of sexploitation films that Ed Wood wrote late in his career. I use the word "wrote" generously, as there is little more than ten minutes of dialogue in the whole film.

The "plot" revolves around a group of cave people who eat and have sex a lot. They are being kept in their cave by a dinosaur that lives just outside, keeping them from going out. Ultimately they hatch a plan that involves inventing the bow & arrow in order to kill it. There is also a sub-plot involving a cave girl held captive by a gorilla. (Shades of "Bride and the Beast.")

The sex is soft-core, but all throughout this movie. Some of it (especially the deflowering of a virgin with a sacred stick) can be quite disturbing, rather than titillating, as it is meant to be. The cast (at least the ones we see having sex) are all attractive and the various justifications for sex scenes can be quite amusing.

Overall, only get this film if you are a big fan of Ed's and want everything he worked on. Otherwise, there's little of his writing style to be found here.

The only good things that happened in this film revolved around the dinosaur. It's a plastic child's toy that someone has put up on a rock and filmed from laying on the ground. It doesn't move its head, just bounces around a lot.

Besides the amusing dinosaur, the movie is very boring soft core. I like the fur outfits and I wish I had one. But no one kept the outfits on very long.

And if I may comment on some of the nudies, I thought the women were way too skinny to be attractive. You can see their rib cages and all their spinal column. They looked really gross. If I wanted to see hot women, I would not watch this because they look like stick figures.