La guerra dei robot

Poor dubbing, special effects, and acting- oh my! This is truly one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Clearly made in Italy and then dubbed over in America to hopefully make more more money, this is a horribly done copy of Star Wars. The "story" is as follows: A "Brilliant" professor and his "Brilliant" assistant are kidnapped by some guys with Blonde wigs on. Some space station attempts to save them. Hilarity ensues. Every once in a while, a bunch of colors will flash across the screen for half a minute. This movies is probably best to avoid if you experience seizures. Actually, this movie is probably best to avoid no matter what.

Have you noticed that about half of these Italian sci fi movies have people sitting at their panels on the space ship, wearing helmets, and talking with their backs to us. Then there are the silly costumes and antics of the aliens. This film goes to some really low levels. It's about an intervention to save one space culture from another. There are two female leads competing for the attentions of the space hunk. There are a group of silly aliens who keep getting recycled (I'm sure there were only about five actors) and shot. There's a shirtless leader who doesn't dress the way the rest do (he looks like he may have just escaped from the gay pride parade in New York). I don't know. Do things like this make money for their producers. There is nothing here to maintain interest other than the cheese. I've seen so many of them that they don't entertain much anymore. Skip this one.

Bad movie fans will appreciate this Italian attempt to make a quick buck on the popularity of "Star Wars." Everyone else should avoid it as they would a rabid weasel. Even Italian children, no doubt the film's target audience, must have felt insulted after the first couple reels of this low budget non-epic.

That being said, "La Guerra Dei Robot" does have a sort of cheesy charm. It's plot attempts to parallel the first "Star Wars" movie with truly hilarious results. Also the faux "Star Trek" make up of it's crew is funny in a painfully dumb sort of way.

In sum, unless you're a fan of crummy sci-fi movies, keep away from this one.

"If we maintain this velocity we'll catch up to them quite soon." "Have you notified the base?" "No, I haven't yet. Because I have a sort of strange presentment." "Is there something worrying you?" "Hmmm. I don't know, but I feel that my hands are tied." "In what way? How do you mean?" "As long as Lois is in their power, there's nothing I can do about it." "Obviously these damned aliens will take advantage of holding hostages to dictate terms." "If I were you, I wouldn't worry about that." "Let's just catch the spaceship and stop them."

Repeat these lines slowly for about 90mins with a sci-fi throbbing sound effect in the background and you'll have saved yourself time, 36p and a bit of bother...

As I write this, the work in question is still playing back before my stunned eyes. I am not quite finished drinking in this cinematic masterpiece, and I already have to relieve myself of my chicken dinner.

On the more pleasant side, I have to say that the sounds in this movie are WAY rad in such that it is definitely an analog collection of Boops and BLEEPS to be recorded in one's spare time.

The acting is mostly sincere, although I had a hard time figuring out how the character's lips would switch from italian to english and back again while all in the same shot. huh?

I have to say my favorite scene (which just finished a few minutes ago) involved a certain, let's say, "reference" to a certain 'laser sword' from everyone's favorite gray-goateed' master of the pen <chuckle...>.

Credit is still due to the shot selection, although with certain scenes I was left asking myself 'what just happened' too many times to remember.

On that note I must bid adieu to the juggernaut of motion pictures that is War of the Robots.

Ciao baby

3 peter pepperonis out of 10