- [Buford walks up to Bandit's car, but in his mind, he sees "The Real Bandit" - Burt Reynolds - behind the wheel]
- Buford T. Justice: I gotcha!
- The Real Bandit: [looks up and smiles] Hello, Buford. Well, you caught me with my pants down.
- Buford T. Justice: [taken aback] I did?
- The Real Bandit: It's a... figure of speech.
- Buford T. Justice: I gotcha!
- The Real Bandit: Yeah. It's over for the ol' Bandit.
- Buford T. Justice: Yeah, you're gone.
- The Real Bandit: It's gone. Buford?
- Buford T. Justice: Yes?
- The Real Bandit: I just wanna say one last thing before you... haul me off in the cuffs.
- Buford T. Justice: Go right ahead.
- The Real Bandit: There's kind of a... a kindred spirit we have, you know what I mean?
- Buford T. Justice: Yeah, I think I feel the same way.
- The Real Bandit: No, I mean, it's special. I can almost read your thoughts.
- Buford T. Justice: Is that so?
- The Real Bandit: Yeah.
- Buford T. Justice: What am I thinking now?
- The Real Bandit: You're thinking right now that possibly you... no sense in sending me off to prison where I'd lose all my friends and everything. I mean, you could give a five-minute head-start and chase after me...
- Buford T. Justice: Oh, no. I'm sorry. I'm a law-and-order man. I gotcha and I'm gonna keep ya.
- The Real Bandit: Yeah, you're right. I was silly to even think that. You're too tough for that.
- Buford T. Justice: That's right.
- Buford T. Justice: I'm upright, straightforward...
- [Buford begins having flashbacks to the beginnings of his miserable retirement and realizes he's nothing without the Bandit to chase]
- Buford T. Justice: ...I'll give you a five-minute head-start.
- The Real Bandit: [smiles] Bye-bye!
- [the Bandit's car pulls away quickly]
- Junior: Daddy, my face is all white.
- Buford T. Justice: Well, put a little lipstick on, I'll drop you off at a gay bar.
- Buford T. Justice: [sees the girl's breasts] Oof!
- Girl at Picnic: What's wrong, Sheriff?
- Buford T. Justice: I haven't seen anything like that since I was a little baby.
- Nudist Female: If you want to stay, Sheriff, you've got to take your clothes off.
- Buford T. Justice: I don't even take my clothes off in front of my good wife, Wilhelmina.
- Nudists: Awwwww.
- Buford T. Justice: I've said it before and I'll say it again. There is no way, no way that you could come from my loins. Soon as we get home, I'm gonna put a lump on your mama's head.
- Little Enos: Daddy, we just walked past a Penicillin dispenser.
- Big Enos Burdette: I feel like the guest of honor at a crab's convention.
- Junior: Does this mean I won't be your little tick turd anymore?
- Buford T. Justice: Son, you'll always be my tick turd.
- Cledus Snow: I'm going to be the bandit! I get to wear the hat and drive the car! I love this! Gimme the car!
- Cledus Snow: I get to be the bandit? I don't have to drive the truck, don't have to haul anything but my ass?
- Dusty Trails: Is it just me or are you slowing down?
- Cledus Snow: Maybe. Think of it this way, what good is the roadrunner without the coyote? What good would the fox be without the hound? What good is the Bandit without the Smokey?
- Junior: Did you ever join the Klan, Daddy?
- Buford T. Justice: No chance. But your momma did. When she put on her sheet, she looked like an iceberg with feet."
- Junior: Gee Daddy this is just like being at the beach.
- Buford T. Justice: It's only a minor complication. Nothing is gonna stop me from catching that big pile of dragon dump, and when I do I'm gonna marinate his walnuts. Get out and dust off the car.
- Little Enos: Now then, Sheriff, be careful with the badge. It's going to make a beautiful belt buckle for me.
- Buford T. Justice: If you get my badge... it's going to be a seven-pointed suppository.
- Little Enos: What are we stopping for?
- Big Enos Burdette: It's time to take out some insurance, teach those county mounties a lesson.
- Little Enos: I don't get it. I mean, they certainly lost enough time as it is. We're winning, ain't we?
- Big Enos Burdette: We're winning, son, but winning isn't everything.
- Little Enos: [paused] What is?
- Big Enos Burdette: Winning dirty, boy. What's the matter with you?
- Little Enos: Sorry, Daddy. I lost my head.
- Big Enos Burdette: Shame, Little Enos.
- Little Enos: Ashamed, Daddy! Ashamed! Look, Daddy! Here they come!
- Big Enos Burdette: [looks through binoculars and sees Buford] They're coming alright.
- [whistles and signals for milk tanker driver to block Buford's path.]
- [Disguised as women and surrounded by men]
- Little Enos: That's... no, no, no, boys.
- Big Enos Burdette: Let my daughter alone!
- Little Enos: What's the rubber glove for?
- Big Enos Burdette: Let my daughter alone! You let my daughter alone!
- Big Enos Burdette: I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way we expected. Especially, you getting the big guy.
- Little Enos: Don't even talk to me!
- Big Enos Burdette: What's the matter?
- Little Enos: I'm trying to remember his phone number.
- Big Enos Burdette: Never mind. We got to get out of these dresses and get back to business.
- Little Enos: Let's see, was it 555-1414? Or 555-4141? 555-1415?
- Junior: [last lines as he drops the prize money and chases after Buford] Wait, Daddy! Don't leave me! Wait, Daddy. Wait for me. Don't leave me, Daddy!
- [ends with freeze frame]