Final Justice

The MST3K print of this is, in my humble opinion, one of the funniest things they have ever done. I was on the floor. That is primarily the fault of the movie itself, though. OK, we've got a Texas "Indian" (despite the name Geronimo, which I thought was just an amusing nickname, I had no idea he was supposed to be Indian until the end). He lumbers around and when challenged, says, "You think you can take me? ....Go 'head 'on. It's your move." Possibly the stupidest catch phrase ever. The plot keeps going in the same circle - Joe Don is told by someone to let things alone, he doesn't, he manages to destroy something or someone, he is hauled back into an office of authority, lectured, and told not to do it again. Then he sneers and goes and does it again. As seems to be typical of Joe Don in these years (see Mitchell), he intentionally plays his hero as a clumsy, close-minded, stupid but dogged individual. I mean, I appreciate realism, but I don't exactly want to see my hero hit his head on ceiling posts, stumble over tables, or dribble food down his shirt. Let's leave those little enticing details of the human condition out of a two hour film. Man, this movie is packed with laughs...see it if you can, preferably MST version, but this one is so 'good bad' that you can pretty easily supply the commentary yourself, even if you don't consider yourself a renowned wit.

It's amusing to see that Hollywood later borrowed ideas from this film, and used it in BLACK RAIN many years later. Joe Don Baker plays a texas cop ordered to take a prisoner (venantini) back to Italy. But he escapes. Lots of action and exploitation sequences as Venantini goes crazy of some female victims. Rosanno Brazzi has a thankless role as a bad guy, and Venantini is really great as a villain. This was the last of the Greydon Clark/Baker production. The film even has a catchy end credit song. The video print is dark, and the DVD is also dark and scratchy, but I remember the old HBO print was excellent.

Unbelievably pointless

How many times can you watch Joe Don Baker getting up from a cell bunk? Or hear him say "Go ahead on"? Well this piece of cinematic detritus will test your endurance to the max, and chances are, perhaps, that you won't be able to make it; at least not without the cast of MST3K, who are masters at turning mere nonsense into hilarious nonsense. Not only is the alleged hero a thoroughly unlikable lout, but most of the time, when he's not bullying the stereotyped Maltese locals around, he's getting beaten up, jailed or he's making bad on promises. Plus he says "Go ahead on" alot. Annoying as hell, I tells ya. In short, complete, nigh-ineffectual jerk. He seems real good on the draw, however, thanks to bad editing and timing.

Human pot roast Joe Don Baker (MITCHELL) stars in this dull, unremarkable `action' movie as Deputy Geronimo, a fat, gassy slob who sits around in a stupid looking cowboy suit, listening to country music and eating too many donuts. Meanwhile, a vaguely criminal guy named Palermo (played by the guy who owned the drill in Fulci's GATES OF HELL) stumbles into Joe Don's territory and shoots the sheriff in a poorly edited scene. Joe Don- slowly- gives chase and offs Palermo's brother after uttering his now legendary catch phrase `It's your move. Think you can take me? Well, go ahead on'. For some reason Joe Don, a Texas lawman, must transport Palermo to Italy (`Mr. Palermo's been a major source of embarrassment to the Italian government,' says Mr. Wilson, another vague character played by Bill McKinney, who was in MASTER NINJA 1, SHE FREAK, and a lot of good Clint Eastwood movies).

Anyhoo, Joe Don's plane must land on the island of Malta, where Palermo escapes with the help of a briefcase and a guy who looks like Jon Lovitz. And that's where the movie grinds to a halt. For the rest of the movie, Joe Don looks for Palermo, looses Palermo, ends up in a jail cell, is yelled at by the Malta chief of police, and then is let go with a warning not to look for Palermo any more. Then Joe Don keeps looking for Palermo, looses Palermo, ends up in a jail cell, is yelled at by the Malta chief of police, and then is let go with a warning not to look for Palermo any more. Then Joe Don looks for Palermo, looses Palermo, ends up in a jail cell, is yelled at by the Malta chief of police, and then is let go with a warning not to look for Palermo any more. This is one aggravating movie.

At one point Joe Don is thought to be dead at sea. All the other characters wonder if he's dead or not, finally concluding that he is. But then he shows up (he was rescued by a poor family) and no one mentions the fact that he was missing at sea for several days. Even his cute, Julia Louise-Dreyfuss-esque sidekick doesn't welcome him back. She does, however, offer to help him find Palermo, so Joe Don looks for Palermo, looses Palermo, ends up in a jail cell, is yelled at by the Malta chief of police, and then let go with a warning not to look for Palermo any more.

Highpoints include, a bizarre carnival with strange colorful floats, some sexy strippers, a shoot out involving a kid dressed like Napoleon AND a cart of tomatoes, a chase scene involving a guy dressed like a monk, and any scene without Joe Don. Lowpoints include Joe Don threatening a stripper with a coat hanger.

It should be noted that this is from Greydon Clark, director of ANGEL'S REVENGE, who appears as the sheriff. Ick!

Joe Don Baker is an alright to good actor in small roles here and there...he was alright in Goldeneye and made a pretty good Bond villan in The Living Daylights and has appeared in various other movies. One thing he can't do is carry a movie as the lead, which he is in this extremely bad revenge movie set in Malta. Joe Don's partner is killed so he kills the killer's brother and escorts the killer to Italy, but some guys cause the plane to set down in Malta and the killer gets away. The rest of the movie is seeing Joe Don chase the killer here and there, Joe Don getting taken into custody various times, Joe Don torturing a bartendar and being interrupted and so on. The movie is quite bad and you won't find yourself exactly pulling for Joe Don's character. You will be amazed at how many times Joe Don the hero gets taken out by one punch and how incompetent he proves to be. The crowning part of the movie comes when Joe Don chases the killer all over Malta with the killer in a priest robe and then they get in boats and he chases them all around Malta. This movie also features one of the worst closing lines to end a movie ever.