Silent Assassins

Horrible acting,badly set-up scenes,laughable situations and clich'es from possibly five hundred other movies all combine to create this turkey.But what do you expect from a film with Sam J Jones(Flash Gordon)as the hero and Linda Blair as co star?

I enjoy the occasional crappy 80s action film, and with its cheesy cover depicting a pistol-packing Linda Blair scowling alongside washed-up Flash Gordon star Sam Jones, Silent Assassins piqued my interest enough for me to cough up a couple of quid for it on eBay. Unsurprisingly, this low-budget action flick, from directors Lee Doo Yong and Scott Thomas, proved to be almost as bad as I expected it to be, and, as a result, it was reasonably entertaining stuff.

Jones plays gum-chewing super-cop Sam Kettle; Blair is his long suffering girlfriend Sarah, who wants her man to give up his dangerous job. After a brush with death whilst chasing CIA-agent-turned-bad Kendrick (Gustav Vintas), Sam finally agrees to hang up his gun. However, when Dr. London, a top biochemist, is kidnapped by Kendrick (along with an innocent five year old girl), Sam is reluctantly drawn back into service.

Assisted by the girl's uncle Jun Kim (Jun Chong), Sam attempts to track down his evil nemesis before Dr. London is forced into revealing the details of a secret germ warfare formula that could result in the death of millions.

Firstly, it must be mentioned that, although the cover of the DVD suggests that Linda Blair's character is every bit as tough as her man, this is just not true, and fans of the actress hoping to see her kick ass will most likely be disappointed. Blair spends most of the film trying to convince Sam to quit his job, or canoodling with him under a duvet (and we don't even get to see her norks—shame!).

Still, even without Blair taking part in the action, Silent Assassins is just about worth a look (if you enjoy iffy B-movies, that is) thanks to some wonderfully bad acting (Vintas as Kendrick is exceptionally hammy, cackling and whooping with glee as he goes about his evil business), plenty of violent action (there are some surprisingly nasty moments involving axes and samurai swords), some fun martial arts scenes, and a very daft finalé which sees Jones blowing up almost everything in sight with a rocket launcher (that amazingly never requires reloading).

Cop Sam Kettle (Sam Jones) was this close to leaving L.A. with his girlfriend Sara (Linda Blair) before his chief tells him, "We need you." I'm not kidding, they were literally packing the U-Haul when the chief showed up. Seems bio-chemist Dr. London (Bill Erwin) was kidnapped by Kettle's nemesis Kendrick (Gustav Vintas). Tagging along with Sam on his investigation is Jun Kim (Jun Chong), whose niece was kidnapped along with the doctor. The duo team learn from Oyama (Mako) that Kendrick has hired an elite Japanese killing squad and, with help from Oyama's son Bernard (Phillip Rhee), they attack the secret hideout before Kendrick can secure the chemical weapons formula.

This is a step up from NINJA TURF as it has better production values, a name cast and explosions. Yeah, I'm easy. There is some really odd stuff like Vintas - a dead ringer for Tom Noonan - always carrying a red rose, leather clad villainess Miss Amy (Rebecca Ferratti) stating "Don't forget, I'm a bio-chemist too" and Dr. London's strange habit of always holding the kidnapped niece in every shot. Jones seems to be having fun in the role, not taking anything too seriously. The same can be said for Rhee, who is a dojo playboy this time around. Blair is featured on the cover brandishing a gun but her role is as the helpless girlfriend. She disappears completely from the picture around the 50 minute mark. Bill "Superfoot" Wallace gets a cameo as a deceitful Colonel and they never show his face! Given the cliff hanger ending, I suspect they were hoping for a part 2 with him as the lead villain.

As with the earlier TURF, the fights are very well done. Chong and Rhee handled the choreography and this is probably the best aspect of their low budget action flicks. One thing that cracked me up is these silent assassins are the loudest mofos around. Any time they sneak up to kill someone, they let out a huge scream before attacking. So, like NINJA TURF with its lack of ninjas, producer/star Chong again fails to deliver on the title's promise.

Decent action flick, albeit a bit silly and could have used a higher budget. The trailer did its job and got me into it. Poster/cover art is bizarre as hell, though. Instead of the 1 white guy and 2 asian guys trio, there's the white guy and, for some reason, his girlfriend. I don't understand why they dressed her up like that and put her on the cover. There is no such character in the movie. She is just a little love interest and never looks like that in the movie. Not to mention she isn't in any major action scenes. Sam Jones and his two asian buddies score an excellent body count, but she literally fires only one shot in the whole movie, so she goes on the cover, haha. Also, Sam Jones burns through so much bubble gum in the movie that Roddy Piper had none left.

The indifferent title notwithstanding, 'Silent Assassins' (1988) almost immediately struck me as having enormous potential to be, perhaps, a neglected, low budget 'maverick cop on the rampage',80s crime-busting, DTV classic. 'They must stop the masters of the ritual art of killing...' Who are 'they'? 'They' are, sinfully sultry Sam J. 'Flash Gordon' Jones and the perfectly delectable star of 'Savage Streets, the petite scream Queen supreme, Linda Blair!

This outrageously entertaining, Gun Happy fight film also features zesty contributions from, Jun Chong, star of schlock classic 'Bruce Lee Fights Back from the grave', the voluptuous Rebecca 'Gor' Ferrati, and, last, but no means least, firm fight-fan favourite, 'Best of The Best' Philip Rhee; this time out, arrogantly playing the wilfully obtuse Kung Fu sensei, the hugely irritating, yuppified, errant son to 'guest star', Mako's honourable Yakuza boss. So far, so B-Movie bodacious, even if you combined the wafer-thin plotting of nefarious scientist and his weaponized, death-bringing bacilli, along with the Mr. Big's 'yadda-yadda', 'blah-blah' kidnapping scheming, said lunk-headed narrative wouldn't stretch the confines of a fortune cookie. Happily, this encourages the noisome action to swiftly take precedence, which, quite frankly, is the sole reason I'm watching something called, 'Silent Assassins' in the first place!!!

The feisty fight scenes, while, plentiful, are resolutely not in the stylised mode of martial arts magicians, Sammo Hung/Ringo Lam or balletic maestro of martial mayhem, Yuen Woo-Ping, arguably, more in line with the somewhat less burnished DTV ouvre of action impresarios, Joseph Merhi, Aaron Norris, Gordon Hessler, and beloved 'American Ninja' mastermind, Sam Firstenberg. Interesting to note that the story/screenplay credits go to the celebrated scrivener John Bruner, whose wondrous writing credits include personal favourites: 'Invasion U. S. A.', 'Mission in Action', and the triumphantly tense Chuck Norris, Golan-Globus action-fest, 'The Delta Force'. I think it would be fair to say, that if this fine fellow's glistering literary CV means little to you, 'Silent Assassins' won't strike much of a chord either!

Objectively, this is not a 'good' film, 'subjectively' it could still be terrible, but thankfully the magnificently mercurial merits of exploitation/action/gore cinema isn't based on anything quite so prosaic as good taste, and thus 'Silent Assassins' remains an edifying, B-movie barnstormer, and, curiously, this frantic fight-film is a also remarkably sanguineous example of cheap-o Gun Fu gore! The beautiful Sam J. Jones & his perky beau, Linda Blair, do make for the most adorable screen Couple, and for a super-splattery, DTV punch-fighter, their warm relationship has been rendered in a remarkably heartfelt manner, having a volatile chemistry, which, er, is rather apropos, considering the pseudo-Bond machinations they both become so hotly embroiled in!

I am in no doubt that my final fanboy summation will garishly expose how hopelessly unfashionable my opinions have become of late, but, honest injun', I genuinely appreciated the wickedly appealing look of sensationally swarthy Sam Jones's ubiquitously 80s action-hero 'spiky hair/Raybans combo'. While far from a top-flight fist-fighter, boisterous directors, Lee Doo-Young & Scott Thomas's explosive 'Silent Assassins' is a considerably more compelling B-Movie than its lack of reputation might suggest. And, gore-hounds rejoice!!! As those hellaciously horrific, hemoglobin-spilling hatchet kills are most righteous to behold! If one should be intimately familiar with, and subsequently relish the blissfully bellicose oeuvre of B-Movie mavens, Bruno Mattei, Niko Mastorakis, and the, by all rights, should-now-be-funking-legendary, David A. Prior, 'Silent Assassins' might resonate louder with the more unrepentantly schlock-savouring, trash-loving freaks who still avidly seek out the weirder examples of psychotronic DTV action!

The 2003 'Musicbank' DVD I own, while wholly lacking digital definition, is apparently uncut, whereas the previous VHS release wasn't; so absolutely no improvement of its blurry, analogue fidelity, but the gleefully grisly assassinations have been lovingly restored!