Outlaw of Gor

Let's see.... take one of the more infamous literary staples, namely the Gor books by John Norman, convert it to film and you'd think you'd be onto a winner. Why? Well, the Gor books, for those of you who haven't had the pleasure, or pain, can be summed up as follows: Conan with pornography. Each and every novel was chock full of porn, sado-masochism and bondage. In short, a "raging-hormone-male-teenager's" wet dream. Hidden amongst the sleaze and thinly-veiled attempts to make the reader think of women as nothing but objects, there are actually some pretty good action-adventure stories. So it would seem that converting them to celluloid would be a winner, even if only on the soft-porn circuit.

Sadly, Outlaw of Gor is nothing like the books. Given my description above, some might breathe a sigh of relief at that. Unfortunately, by taking away the sex, having a budget less than that of the average teenager's weekly pocket money and doing some awful re-inventing of the novels' original ideas (yes there were some!), the filmmakers literally killed the golden goose and replaced it with a prize turkey.

Outlaw is just horrendous throughout, from the acting, the sets, the laughable "costumes", the editing and dialogue right down to the fight scenes that appeared to have been choreographed by the Marx Bros. But the worst thing is seeing how little they used the original material. Nevermind the porn, they plucked names out of the books and didn't do a whole lot else. Tarl Cabot, the hero of the novels, is translated into a weedy vegetarian who is totally against slavery - a complete reversal from the novels. Likewise the Priest-Kings - In the books alien insectoids who ruled the planet. In the movie we get.....Jack Palance, who doesn't seem to be in command of his own lines, let alone the planet. And yes, Jack leers and mugs his way throughout the movie, at least having the grace to look embarrassed at several points.

The plot is feeble, centering around an evil Queen's attempts to take control of the city of Koroba by murdering her husband and blaming it on Cabot. There then follows interminable amounts of wandering about in the desert by Cabot and his midget henchman (I kid you not!). We're also treated to far too many shots of the midget's rear end during the film (I mentioned the costumes were rubbish, didn't I?) and awful moralising dialogue by Cabot about the evils of slavery.

There are no special effects to speak of - the budget was too miniscule for that, just the heady excitement of one lame swordfight after another. At the end, which really sums up the whole movie and had me in hysterics, Tarl Cabot makes as if to snap his sword over his knee - a symbolic gesture of peace. Would have been good too, except that the sword does not break - it bends into a U shape like it was made out of thin tin. Yep, that's Outlaw of Gor for ya - all bent out of shape.

Even on MST3K this is one of the lamest excuses for a movie. It really is best avoided.

The first Gor at least had the music score redeeming it a little even if nothing else worked, it also made the mistake of having on board two talented actors and wasting them both. Here in Outlaw of Gor, aka Gor II, the score is the closest the film gets to having any kind of energy, unfortunately it is almost inappropriately utilised and actually doesn't fit at all.

Outlaw of Gor is a really cheap-looking film, as with the first Gor the photography is constantly shoddy, the sets are drab and the costumes are a mix of the cheapest plastic armours and left-over-fabrics except to even worse effect. The script is incredibly juvenile, in a way that even a child would find insulting hearing it, and has no flow at all, you can actually feel the cornball awkwardness the actors clearly felt delivering it. The film is so thin plot-wise that you'd be forgiven if you thought there wasn't one, it's laboriously paced and doesn't even try to make sense- in fact the duller the film gets the more incomprehensible it gets too. The fight scenes and their choreography are even more artificial than the children's-playground-like ones in the first film, the editing is slapdash in the scenes, the choreography is unenthusiastic sloppiness all over and there's just no fun or tension or even life to them.

The characters have very little personality, just underdeveloped genre clichés really, and Outlaw of Gor has to have one of the most irritating comedy relief sidekicks of all time. To call the direction inept is an understatement and the acting is terrible across the board. This is including Jack Palance, who actually was a great actor who excelled in villain roles but you wouldn't think so here, here is his career worst performance and the only time where he looked bored and embarrassed. Particularly bad in the acting department were Urbano Barberini who once again tries to mask his lack of charisma and limited acting skills with cornball dialogue delivery and acting like a buffoon and it gets annoying, Donna Denton who screams her lines almost the entire time and it gets old quickly and Russell Savadier whose character is useless and irritating in the first place and his performance really grates on the nerves. Oddly enough despite Palance being the best known actor and actually having acting talent Rebecca Ferratti is the least bad, there's more life and expression than there was in her performance in the first film and she does light up the screen with her sexiness.

All in all, one of the worst sequels ever made, making the same major mistakes the first film did to even worse effect and makes more on the way. As extremely weak the first Gor was, it's Citizen Kane compared to this almost irredeemable follow-up. 1/10 Bethany Cox

Terrible movie, great MST3K episode. The movie, bad in just about every aspect. The acting, writing, and special effects are on par with a high school play.

If you think that the presence of Jack Palance can save this movie, think again. He actually makes the movie worse by just being a good actor. He makes it glaringly obvious that the rest of the cast is horrible. Oh and the costumes, my god the costumes.

For a fun game while watching, drink every time they say Cabot. You'll be drunk within the first 15 min of the film, and that's bound to make it more interesting.

No, not really. Possibly the most disturbing "buffalo shot" in cinematic history (the poor dwarf in the bearskin diaper bares all as he climbs down a building face.) Obviously I've only seen the MST version, but even that was hard going. It made for quite a funny episode, though. If it ever comes out on home video, check it out. Just avert your eyes when you see the dangling dwarf. ..

Ah, Gor. I really used to think Cave Dwellers was pretty crappy, but Outlaw of Gor makes me wish Ator could skewer Cabot while Thong pummels Watney Smith into submission. Having seen Outlaw several times, I must admit, it does tend to get better and you catch even more hilarity. The strange thing is that the humor is so unintentional since the actors really play their roles so seriously! Also, add to the fact that Outlaw is preceded by Gor which makes following the plot (what plot??) a difficult task indeed.

Jack Palance really looks annoyed in almost every scene he's in. Maybe it's those really goofy hats he wears and his facial expression which says "I have more talent in my pinky fingernail than all these scum actors combined." Urbano is less than mediocre as Cabot, but is less painful to watch than Russel Savadier's portrayal of sex starved Watney. Try not to regurgitate during his massages (EWW!). The barely clad nymphs in the film add a little (and I do stress little) enjoyment to the film especially the terrific acting of Donna Denton whose "Get out of here, you disgusting worm!" speech may be the highlight of the entire movie. That or any scene with Nigel "Kermit" Chipps.

There must've have been so many Seymour Butts jokes during the making of this film.