The Phantom Empire

On the disc this was on, before the movie started there was a word (actually more than that) from the director. We apparently get him in his home with his wife (I did not check if this is factually correct), just to get a side character from the movie invading - or is it from the movie? If you find this funny, you're in for a treat with the movie itself (though do not expect nearly as much nudity as you get to see in this short).

You have to actually shut your brain off, not care about the movies actual intro (after we get to see quite a decent effect for a low budget movie), that edits the opening credits with a detective style throwback ... it tries to be funny but does not really succeed. What it does though from time to time (maybe) - it surprises you with some neat choices. Like making the female assistant be more macho than the detective himself. A nice touch, if you care enough. Otherwise very low production values but a nice throwback to claymation towards the end - does it make sense? No not at all - but if you are looking for that, you are way wrong here

"The Phantom Empire" stars Ross Hagen and Dawn Wildsmith as low-rent salvage experts hired by rich girl Suzy Stokey to investigate caves that could potentially contain a windfall of jewels. With Jeffrey Combs (a paleontologist) and Robert Quarry (a mineralogist) in tow, they discover a tribe of sexy cavewomen, Robby the Robot, and B movie goddess Sybil Danning as a feisty alien queen.

Admittedly, "The Phantom Empire" is awfully slow to start, but at least director-producer-co-writer Fred Olen Ray has a sense of humor about what he does, much like his peer Jim Wynorski. The movie is VERY goofy nonsense, but it's too irreverent to dismiss outright. What helps is that scene-stealer Wildsmith has a plethora of sardonic dialogue, as well as constant unimpressed reactions to all the insane stuff the characters experience.

The movie does also benefit from the presence of Michelle Bauer, who, like Danning, is a constant welcome presence in diversions like this; here she plays a mute cave bunny who wears little and is always helping out our heroes. But the movie never really hits its stride until Sybil shows up. (About 55 minutes into the running time.) There are some mildly amusing stop-motion dinosaurs that wouldn't past muster in a Ray Harryhausen picture, but let's face it: Sybil and Michelle are the reasons why many guys will enjoy it as much as they do.

At its best, this is an agreeable update of Z-grade movies of decades past, a mash-up of "The Lost World" and "The Time Machine", with dime store versions of the Morlocks from the latter story.

Six out of 10.

Rent this picture only if you're trying to see everything Fred Ray ever made. Ms. Danning struts around in a black leather outfit with big shoulders and a cutout for her cleavage. Poor stop-frame dinosaur animation. No character development. Trite story. Skinny "cave bunnies," no titillation value. Unconvincing, pathetic troglodyte zombies.

My review was written in July 1989 after watching the film on Prism video cassette.

Named after a famous Gene Autry serial, "The Phantom Empire" is an affectionate nod to old-time lost world sci-fi pics, which should amuse home video fans.

Helmer Fred Olen Ray shot this 1986 picture on a shoestring budget, ingeniously making up for lack of resources by stressing snappy dialog and in-jokes (even Robby the Robot pops up as a bad guy).

Plot is simple: after a mutant creature emerges from a cave and kills two picnickers, Susan Stokey hires salvage experts Ross Hagen and Dawn Wildsmith to mount an expedition into the caves to search for the lost city of Rilah.

Robert Quarry and Jeffrey Combs tag along as mineral experts. Crew finds a race of mutants, plus beautiful girls in bikinis led by Michelle Bauer, Sybil Danning pop s up as a queen from Outer Space mining for diamonds to fuel her crashed spaceship on the return trip home.

There's some fun animated footage of dinosaurs plus endless chasing around, but pic mainly works via the tongue-in-cheek dialog exchanges of its cast, most of whom are cult favorites from fantasy and horror pics.

Wildsmith is in particularly good humor, cracking sarcastic jokes in a tough-girl role. Bauer is funny in exaggerated mime as, with no knowledge of English, she's pressed into service as the expedition's guide. Danning has one of her better, campier, latter-day roles in a flashy black leather outfit.

....and that happens at around the 50-minute mark, when Sybil (as a character in the film exclaims, "WOW!") Danning appears, well-cast as a fighting alien queen. Up until then "The Phantom Empire" is a plodding, sleep-inducing trek, and the cannibals with Halloween masks over their faces and old rags for clothes are beneath Z-grade cinema. The sole bright spot is Michelle Bauer as a bikini-clad "cave bunny". After Danning's entrance, the viewer can at least focus on her phenomenal figure, and it's easier to forgive the unimpressive stop-motion animation effects (I think "One Million Years B.C.", from 1965, has a better dinosaur battle than the one featured here). But if you want to see something from Fred Olen Ray that looks more like a real film and less like a college project, seek out his "Cyclone" from the following year. (*1/2)

P.S.: To claim that you watched this film "for the dinosaurs" is like claiming that you watched "Jurassic Park" for the T & A.