Playboy: Sexy Lingerie II

Neil Ross. He is the master. Numero Uno. The senoir of somnambulance. He can stop a Panzer division at 200 paces with a single utterance. He's slower and more boring than your aged chemistry teacher, until this moment confined to the oblivion he so richly deserved. But now you remember. Neil gives a precise and very technical lecture telling you all you needed to know about Lingerie: "What is the secret of lingerie's irresistible mystique? How can so little mean so much to so many? Lingerie can be naughty and nice or sensual to touch and feel. Whether you like teasing and tempting or hot and kinky (they still used that word in the nineties?) Join us for another visual exploration of this endlessly fascinating subject." Endless is the word. With long...drawn out....pauses...for emphasis on...each....word. He is slick, he is smooth. He is monotone man. He's the one and thank God only, Neil Ross.

FANTASY RAILWAY 1: A train speeds into a station with playmates. "Who knows what possibilities may lie in store...or......(snooze) what might be revealed along the way." There is a shot of a rail guard waving a hand lamp from the side of the train. No doubt warning the platform ahead that Neil Ross is coming.

COUNTRY GIRL: A playmate is hanging washing on a line on a farm while a shirt-less man throws hay bales. Mr Ross is hitting his stride now, like a drugged tortoise. "Far...from....the city, lingerie like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder and a country girl can have fantasies in her own back....yard." Yes Neil, but only in Playboy do the women's clothes come off and the guy's trousers stay on in a female fantasy.

VAMPS: A man enters a high tec house and makes love to a women and they both turn out to be vampires. Dulcet tones of syrup fill the air. "Sometimes lingerie can create a hint of mystery and perhaps an experience both bizarre and....kinky." His voice sort of staccato's. KINKY. Oooooh. Playboy's idea of kinky is 'Nine And A Half Weeks' with plastic teeth.

SUNDAY SNAPS: "Two's company but on a lazy sunday, three...can...be....ZZZZZZZZZ....better." See that playmate on the phone? It's a Neil Ross three minute warning from a compassionate fan.

MANNEQUINS: "Who hasn't been fascinated by Mannequins? You can't blame a young man for wishing they'd come to life." Can the reverse be true? Please lord, begins with an N, ends with an S.

SATIN DOLL: It's nails down a blackboard time, again. "Satin and skin can inspire an infinity of moods and moments." This is the quantum physics part of the lingerie lecture. If a mood is infinite, that is, it doesn't end, how can you get to the next mood? Mind you, waiting for Neil Ross to finish a sentence proves infinity is a relative concept.

HAREM CHIC: "Throughout history people through every land and culture have responded to the powerful spell of lingerie." Well, that's the history break over, let's get naked.

FANTASY FASHION: A playmate strips on stage in front of a man with a fixed smirk. It stays fixed. My God, has the mannequin wish been granted? Is this Neil Ross?

FLYING HIGH: A bunch of playmates are bouncing on a circus safety net. "In the carnival of colours, textures, styles and materials, lingerie is guaranteed to...lift...the....(wait for it, wait for it)..........spirits. It's almost enough to make you run away and join the circus." And you're the decider, Neil.

FANTASY EXPRESS 3: "Part...of...the fun of traveling is the people you meet. And while we're on the subject, what do you say to a naked lady?" Well, with me it's usually "Is this enough money?" The train is vanishing into the distance. Mr Smarm lays it on the line. "The only question is where do we get tickets for the fantasy express?"

Neil, wherever you want to go, just name your price.

Following up with the sequel 'Sexy Lingerie II' a mere one year later, I kept my expectations in check. Honestly thought it'd be another go at scenes high on style, atmosphere, but likely lacking in nudity. Me being proven right is hardly sweet. A nice selection of Playmates and slightly more nudity than before, but once again very uneven.

The intro gave me hope I was in for a steamy video as Playmates (Ava Fabian, Karen Foster) supplied brief but pleasant views of their naked bodies as the narrator talks up lingerie (1.5 mins). "Fantasy Express: Part I" was the first sign of the inevitable. A train themed piece heavy on setup with pretty ladies (D'Andrea Bryant, Deborah Driggs, Donna Sprangler) but very little nudity (2.5 mins). "Decent Exposure" with Playmates (Ava, Lisa Matthews) largely in those LA aqueducts fairs better. Artsy / clothed shots to start then settles into seeing Ava and Lisa topless quite a bit and a few nice views of their butts (3 mins). "Country Girl" sees a lady (Teri Lynn Doss) being stared at by a hunky farm hand. She models pieces of seductive lingerie as nudity comes sparsely (3.5 mins).

An interlude of lingerie themed pics from the magazine is inserted here. It's a toss up in that sense some of the pics are hot, but you can also feel it's filler. Towards the end it has quick video pieces on two ladies, but nothing killer (2 mins). "Vamps" sees Teri Weigel watching tv and getting turned on. Cue see thru leggings on route to being felt up via a dude and per the title a little fantasy about being vampires. It doesn't have enough shots of her naked as reward (4 mins). "Sunday Snaps" is two gals (Playmates Pamela Anderson, Fawna MacLaren) playing around inside a home with the right vibe. Too bad there isn't more nude visuals going on. You get nice shots initially of Fawna's boobs and of Pam's butt, but these two are stuck in a scene wasting time (3.5 mins).

"Mannequins" has two (Sandra Wild, Karen Foster) come to life as the man dresses them. Nice topless shots during this before they reveal themselves to his warm surprise. A slow build mostly it sticks to clothed shots of the lingerie variety with a few more topless peaks thrown in & one nice look at Karen from behind sans panties (4.5 mins). "Fantasy Express: Part II" is back to the train as now two of the three (D'Andrea, Deborah) pose / strip from lingerie in a cabin. Laying out in bed has the topless views we're here for and both get their behinds shown off by the camera as panties stay on (2.5 mins). "Beauty and the Beach" has two ladies (Lisa, Ava) in and out of lingerie at the beach. Waves, sun make for a nice backdrop and there's both topless shots and their butts being shown off, but it all goes by quickly (2 mins).

"Satin Doll" features Pamela once again and is a nice piece of getting out of pink lingerie, but I've seen it so many times (used over many PB vids) that I can't be excited about it anymore (2.5 mins). "Harem Chic" takes on an Arabic feel as archaeologist (Playmate Petra Verkaik) digs up ancient clothing and as part of a fantasy dances, strips for a man inside a tent. Bad news is a lot of time gets wasted thru the setup and shots of her clothed. When it hits its stride in the middle portion you do get views of Petra's lovely all natural bust and butt, but not enough in my book to make the scene killer (5 mins). Another bunch of still pics from the magazine (1.5 mins).

"Fashion Fantasy" sees its lady (Tina Bockrath) in and out of dresses on stage as part of a model audition. You get the kind of shots you want a few times, but a large portion is Tina clothed and flirting with the guy watching (3.5 mins). "Flying High" goes back and forth between shots of it's circus / trapeze theme and the ladies (Pamela, D'Andrea). There's good shots of both semi-naked, but also too much focus on it's theme (3.5 mins). "Fantasy Express: Part III" returns to the train as all three (Deborah, D'Andrea, Donna) return. Donna is shown fully nude right away unfortunately this bit of goodness doesn't last. Fleeting shots of their butts, legs and topless, but hardly enough of them (2.5 mins).

The bottom line with 'Sexy Lingerie II' is its a step up from what came before, but not enough to make it a standout video. I'm always happy to see the likes of Ava, Pamela, Petra and Fawna which earns it some points, but a constrained level of nudity means I can't get excited here.