Dice Rules

DICE RULES is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It isn't even a movie. I don't like Andrew Dice Clay as a comedian. He is not clever, funny, interesting, creative, or daring. He just picks on different groups of minorities. He obviously hates women. He doesn't seem to see them as anything other than servants and sex tools. Why is this considered funny? I think George Carlin and Lenny Bruce are funny as hell. Why doesn't Andrew Dice Clay work? Because he is exploitative, mean spirited, and doesn't understand why what he is saying is simply wrong. He seems to hate everybody but himself. The audience of his skits are scary as hell. They look like an army of criminals with their fists thrusting upward and chanting his name as if they had practiced to chant it in perfect succession beforehand. This is one of the depressing films I've ever seen and I definitely don't recommend this film to anybody. I don't even want to meet somebody who finds this to be funny, although I already have numerous times. DICE RULES is complete crap.

Pros:

-none

Cons:

-bad comedy

-crude

-rude

-mean-spirited

Watching this embarrassing spectacle was a reminder that the dumbing-down didn't start just yesterday with Paris Hilton's generation. Clay is unfunny and primitive to the bone, hence no wonder the crowds looked like as if every single American gas-station attendant and janitor had been flown to the gig to watch their one and only hero spit out nursery rhymes that any 8-grader could top given just ten minutes and a paper and a pencil.

The humour is beyond sophomoronic: it is utterly predictable and cheap. I'm one of the biggest proponents of political incorrectness in comedy, but being solely un-PC does not a good comedian make. The material, I am convinced, was specifically/intentionally targeted at the country's lowest demographics, and by that I mean the lowest IQs, people with the lowest education levels, even physical appearances. I've seen more intelligent/better-looking crowds at TV evangelist mass prayers. Watching a bunch of moronic riff-raff recite Clay's infantile rhymes was like sneaking a peak at your typical day at a school for the mentally-challenged.

Besides, making fun of invalids is not only downright pathetic, but the easiest thing anyone could possibly do; like stealing candy from a baby. Hence those "gags" were the worst. "Ha-ha, those midgets, they're so short, see!" It's amazing that even the most bird-brained truck-driver would find this amusing...

Clay hasn't even got half the charisma necessary to pull off any of these cretinous jokes. In fact, to get away with such ultra-inferior material, he'd have to be 20 Eddie Murphys, Ricky Gervais's and Dana Carveys rolled into one.

I was moved to write this comment after reading several of the negative comments. I was a HUGE Andrew Dice Clay fan in the 80s and 90s. I was even a member of his fan club. I had his first five comedy albums memorized. So, I admit, I am a little biased. But, I feel that those who are writing poor reviews for this feature are selling it short. I truly question those who call themselves "Dice fans", then say that this feature is unfunny and annoying. I ordered this on pay-per-view when it first came out. My friends and I were literally on the floor laughing for most of the movie. I taped it, and my friends and I memorized the skits at the beginning and would whip out lines from those skits for years after we first saw it. I am tempted to say that this is one of his best performances. But when you look at "One Night with Dice", "The Diceman Cometh", "For Ladies Only" and "No Apologies", it's hard to say that any one of them is the best. They are all equally good when you take into consideration the point in Dice's career that he made them. As for any performances after those, or any albums after "Forty-two Long", don't bother with them.

by Dane Youssef

Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Bill Cosby, Bernie Mac, Darryl Hugley, Jerry Seinfeld, Steve Harvey. What do they all have in common?

They are all stand-up comedians who have had the honor of having their stand-up acts get filmed into movies.

"Dice Rules" is one of the few to actually make it to theaters. And with good reason. Dice is one of those comedians who has a strong persona and stage presence. As a matter of fact, that's stronger than any of his material.

The very beginning of the flick where the Diceman croons is almost worth the rental price. He has such pipes, you kinda wish he actually put more use into them. He did a first-rate job in his first (and only) Hollywood star-vehicle "The Adventures of Ford Fairlane" where he sings "But I Ain't' Got You." He does the same here with an opening bit "Can't You Take A Joke?" But before we're treated to the main course (Dice in a sold-out concert at Madison Square Garden), we get an appetizer. You know, so these things feel more like an actual movie than just some tape-recorded stand-up bit.

The opening clip entitled "A Day In The Life" features a cock-and-bull prologue about who he was (Andrew Silverstein) before he became "The Diceman." Eddie Murphy has a brilliant one in his stand-up movie "Raw," and Martin Lawrence had an effective one at the beginning of "Runtelldat" where the press is airing out Lawrence's dirty laundry and kicking him when he's down on his knees.

That quickie movie in "Dice Rules," is the biggest abomination and folly since Napoleon and Waterloo. Dice has NEVER been this unfunny. Has anyone?

The Jerry Lewis vocalizations are painfully annoying. Not just annoying really, but actual torture. Like bamboo under the fingernails or death by a thousand cuts. I know he's know for that s--t (he's known for breaking into on occasion), but it irritates to the point that we feel like we're being interrogated. The people antagonizing his ass, riding him like a damn pogo stick, until he's ready to break. It's so horribly done. It's not even so bad, it's funny. It's more like... unforgivable. And the payoff (I can't believe I just used that term), is so patronizing, it's the most offensive thing in the whole movie. Not the goddamn stand-up material.

I read right here on IMDb that the whole "Diceman" character was largely inspired by Jerry Lewis in "The Nutty Professor." Fine, but that mock Lewis voice is excruciating. And the other actors are just as bad. Well... almost as bad.

Good Lord, and he wrote this bit? I was so sick, I couldn't even vomit.

Then this mini-colonoscopy ends and we're treated to centerpiece. The minute we see the Diceman pull on his luxurious studded trademark leather jacket, we know something big is happening. As if Elvis himself has resurrected and is performing for one night only. Perhaps for them, it is.

His impersonation of an Itallian accent is so thick, you could choke on it. It's a miracle he doesn't.

The weirdest thing about the film is the audience members in concert. The audience doesn't stay quiet while he tells his jokes and then laugh when the punchline comes. They spend almost every second throughout the film cheering. Every time he opens his mouth, every time he says something---anything--the audience cheers like mad. Hell, every time he finishes a sentence (even before he actually even begins to make a point), the whole damn crowd gives him a standing ovation.

Jesus, throughout the whole damn movie, the cheering never stops. Dice may the star here, but it feels like we hear the damn crowd more than him. I... I must confess, I actually someone to start heckling them. I wanted to start throwing tomatoes at the crowd.

Remember the "Seinfeld" episode where Jerry gets heckled by Kramer's girlfriend, so Jerry, in retaliation, goes to where she works to heckle her? Yeah, I wanted to grab every one of them and scream, "Hey, idiots! You're in awe of the Dice, I can see that, but I can't hear HIM! DAMN!

Oh, and you know that whole "Jerry Lewis" vocal shtick I was talking about? Yeah, he keeps doing it throughout the whole movie. Whenever he's impersonating someone else, especially some woman. Lord, it makes you want to kill. Him.

Dice's usual subjects---women, sex, homosexuals, New Yorkers, the elderly, the ill. Hell, birds and insects, even. I gotta admit, I laughed at that. Damn freaking' birds & insects.

Still, as a stand-up concert film, this one's kind of a strike-out. The opening bit is too dumb and horrible to inspire anyone to do anything, but feel pain. And the rest of the stand-up, well... if you're a Dice fanatic (and you damn well who you are), then well.. hit-and-miss.

Dice is polarizing. You love the MF or you want him dead. There's no middle ground.

So, if you are reading these words right now... this review, and ANY of the other registered user reviews on IMDb for this one... that means that...

A)Youv'e been wanting to see this movie since you first fell in love with Dice. But it's been hard to find, especially on DVD. Not exactly "Casablanca."

B)You already have and you're just curious to see what others had to say about it.

Otherwise, you'll give yourself rabies, beat yourself to death, swallow fire (and more) before you even glance at one frame at anything related to Dice.

Still, "Ford Fairlane" continues to be his best work. I'd like to see Silverman actually cut a whole album full of music with himself on vocals and maybe push back for a while on the possibility of another comedy album anytime soon.

the opening segment, which explains how andrew became "the diceman," may be the most hilarious & entertaining thing i have ever witnessed. clay showcases his little-seen acting ability & shows a penchant for slapstick, physical humor. those who can't find the humor in this opening film must be spending a little too much time sniffing airplane glue. even if you aren't a fan of dice's stand-up shtick, i suggest that you rent "dice rules" to get a better appreciation for his talents as a comedic actor. even though the concert portion (the sold-out show at madison square garden) isn't his best, it's still filled with classic dice moments that will bring a nostalgic tear to any true fan's eye. but i'd pay top dollar for this movie just to hear the super-square andrew utter lines like: "have you noticed how my savings have started to accrue?" simply put, he's unbelievable.