Robin Hood: Thief of Wives

Robin Hood: Thief of Wives (1996)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

One of the countless porn movies Joe D'Amato made in the later part of his career. This time out Robin Hood doesn't want to steal money for the poor but instead he wants women and will stop at nothing to get them. This includes going after the Sheriff of Nottingham's woman. D'Amato "remade" several classic films into porn movies but this one here isn't one of the better ones. Sometimes the director got to work with a large budget but that's not the case here as the budget seems to be lower than some of his earlier films like EROTIC NIGHTS OF THE LIVING DEAD. The performances are all bland, the direction sleepwalking and even the sex scenes are rather lazy. As I'm going through D'Amato's porn career there's been very few that actually jumped out to at me as being good films. It's no secret the director hated making these movies and you can tell because there's no real energy to the film.

ROBIN THIEF OF WIVES is Joe D'Amato's quickie take on the legendary hero, here reduced to dumb sex comedy. If you can stomach a horrendously asinine English-dubbing job, it's OK XXX diversion.

Just as the crappy Kevin Costner hit version ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES injected an anachronistic Black character into the mix (played by Morgan Freeman), D'Amato makes the Sheriff of Nottingham into a Black, broadly played by Sean Michaels in the film's leading role (Robin doesn't show up at all until over 30 minutes has elapsed). Adding to the silliness, the Sheriff wears a cheap turban (at first I thought it was an elaborate shower cap) -what's that all about?

Key gimmick here is the use of chastity belts; to raise money for King John's coffers, the Sheriff kidnaps all the town's women and fits them with the belts, giving the keys to the King. If any peasant wants to get laid, he has to pay a tariff for the privilege. This is fun, and my mind wandered to today's moronic Tea Party movement - I guess those stiffs would go along with the Christian Right and favor abstinence if a similar taxation plan were instituted today.

So Robin of Sherwood pops up (in the form of Mark Davis), repeatedly stealing the keys and thereby making a hit with the townsfolk. Lovely Maid Marian is abducted by the King and her title and lands are to be turned over to her treacherous servant Rebecca, who for the fans is sexy enough (with over-sized nipples to boot) to have us porn hounds overlook her wrongdoings.

Film culminates in a very poorly staged archery tournament called by the King, with the winner to get Marian's hand and (contradictorily) all her lands and possessions (continuity person forgot about the Rebecca subplot a reel earlier). Surprise ending has King Richard incognito winning the contest, having surreptitiously just returned from The Crusades, and setting everything right in the kingdom.

An even dumber continuity error occurs during one of many slapstick scenes where the Sheriff torments a hapless peasant regarding his wife. In long shots during this sequence she is nude, but in closer shots is wearing her chastity belt, a glaring mismatch every time there's a cut. It's all jumbled together in the final print.

This silliness is an excuse for lots of sex, with Michaels doing a lot of the mixed-combo humping. Cast is nearly identical with that for D'Amato's JULIET AND ROMEO. Since the actors' roles are never identified in these stinkers, there is confusion over who played what; suffice it to say that the same tall & slim, pale beauty who played Beatrice, helping out Romeo in his video is cast as Maid Marian in this one. IMDb calls her Caterina Altieri, but I'm guessing (from the billing) that she's Stefania Sartori instead, but not the "Stefania Sartori" credited with appearing as Juliet.

"Robin Hood: Thief of Wives" is director Joe D'Amato's erotic take on the classic Robin Hood legend, and it's certainly a wild ride! This 1996 adult film sees our heroic outlaw satisfying his own desires rather than the poor's, as he sets his sights on stealing women, specifically the King's harem, and the Sheriff of Nottingham's lady.

Mark Davis takes on the role of Robin Hood, but his performance is as stiff as the wooden staff our hero might carry, lacking the charisma and charm one would expect from such a notorious character. However, he certainly embraces the physical demands of the role, engaging in a plethora of explicit acts with his merry band of sex-crazed women.

Speaking of which, the film delivers exactly what one might expect from an erotic film: anal sex, blow jobs, orgies, threesomes, and facial shots galore. D'Amato ensures that the sex is plentiful and diverse, offering something for every perverse taste.

However, the production values are noticeably lacking. The English dubbing is particularly cringeworthy, detracting from the overall enjoyment of the film. It feels like a quick, low-budget endeavor, lacking the heart and creativity seen in some of D'Amato's other works.

That being said, "Robin Hood: Thief of Wives" has its moments of guilty pleasure. The premise is intriguing, offering a fun twist on a well-known story, and there's a certain level of camp and humor that might appeal to some viewers.

In one standout scene, Robin Hood and his band of merry men (and women) engage in a raunchy orgy in the heart of Sherwood Forest, with the participants donning tights and feathered caps, adding a touch of comedic absurdity to the already explicit proceedings.

Overall, "Robin Hood: Thief of Wives" is a mediocre effort from D'Amato, earning a rating of 5 out of 10. While it delivers on the sexual front, offering a diverse range of explicit acts, the poor production values and lackluster performances result in a film that feels more like a late-night, giggle-inducing guilty pleasure than a genuinely compelling erotic experience.

So, if you're in the mood for some light-hearted, mindless entertainment with a healthy dose of sex, this film might just hit the spot, but don't expect a cinematic masterpiece. 🏹🔥🎬