Atomic Train

I thought the first half of the movie was good enough for a TV movie once you get past the impossible premise. I look at the second half of the movie as two hours of my life I will never get back! The movie is worth renting for the family for a few dollars just so you don't have to sit through all the commercials (it comes to video on Sept. 21). Watch the first half, then turn it off and you'll be O.K., but if you're looking for a high-quality movie, though, you'll need to keep looking.

Normally, in these type of movies, we get a simple plot where the hero defuses the bomb and the villain is either killed or arrested. Not here, which is the only good thing about it.

The bad stuff is just everywhere. You keep asking yourself: 'why doesn't he do this or that and save us some time?' None of the main characters makes sense.

The boy climbing down a ladder to help his dad finds himself stuck. The father, who is seriously injured, now has to pull his son back up the ladder using a rope. And what does he get in return? A ladder in his face! And so much for his dad, the guy's is goner. Killed by his own son. Nice thing to work with, plotwise? No way, the boy doesn't even care!

Mena Suvari's boyfriend is nothing more than a pain in the ass. He succeeds in getting injured even before anything happens! Then he just lays around feeling sorry for himself. Well done! The would-be-hero-dude (Rob Lowe) who pulls out of the rescue operation and leaves all the work to his college who (of course, he was black and previously unintroduced) dies. It's like saying: 'I'm a firefighter, but I have wife and kids, so I'd better leave now!'

I don't feel like writing anymore about this, as it feels like a waste of time. A strange thing is that I enjoyed watching it, merely to laugh at the mistakes and plot holes. So it might have Ed Wood potential!

O yeah: what ever happened to the black guy leading the firetruck parade?

4/10

The piece starts interestingly enough, as a train carrying hazardous materials and a contraband nuclear warhead rattles its way across the mountains towards Denver with a serious case of brake-failure. The film never quite manages to be the action-adventure flick that the its creators probably intended (my fellow Dayton-ian Rob Lowe as Action Man?), but it does rather start to work as a comedy - a comedy of errors. Just when you think you've reached the end of your bad luck day, yet another incredible coincidence comes up that plunges the characters into harm's way.

I won't give away any of the various plot twists, but my wife and I started to laugh every time an ignorant walk-on character delivered a line like: "I've got to do something right now, because lives are at risk". This is, perhaps, one thing that distinguishes this film from other American-made catastrophe flicks: it does not glorify the plucky non-professional and well-meaning individualist who rebells from authority but then manages to save the day anyway. (Sorry, Bruce Willis.) These sorts of "rugged individuals" (i.e., stupid but well-meaning folk) keep recurring - mostly as cannon fodder for the ever-increasing body count.

Perhaps the moral of the movie could be summarised as, "this is what happens when you don't listen to the people in charge", or even, "no good deed goes unpunished". Unfortunately, the President of the US himself (played by reliable character actor Edward Herrmann) is given the unsavoury task of delivering the trite and didactic concluding thoughts near the end of the piece.

Come on, Rob, you are better than this train wreck waiting to happen.

Working for a railroad in train operations as an engineer, I know how trains work. Several things are wrong with this movie and personally it surpasses what I know as being just plain stupid to reach a new plateau of stupidity and retardation of normal people which I've never known before. For example:

a - when a brake pipe hose between two cars breaks its connection, the rapid drop in break pipe pressure will cause a train to immediately go into emergency and stop. (in the movie they were trying to put it back together to try to stop the train)

b - when a train has electrical problems, such as even a weak battery, safety systems will cause an emergency application of the brakes. This did not happen in the movie.

c - I have never in all my railroading days seen a boxcar with railings on the side and extruding steel for a footwalk to gain access to the door.

d - when the train was creeping at walking speed at the top of the mountain, the people could have EASILY walked to the cars and tied hand brakes stopping the train. Even if all the hand brakes failed (which is an impossibility due to required initial terminal testing on the trains brakes before departure from a yard) a large limb from a nearby tree could have been used to stop the train. *I've done it while working in the yards using a 2x4*

e - when the engine was attached to the rear end and trying to pull the train to a stop, use of dynamic brakes couldn't create so much "strain" as to break a knuckle (the coupling mechanism in a coupler) as depicted in the movie. The knuckle part of a coupler is solid steel, and given the circumstances would be EXTREMELY difficult to break.

f - the crew on the caboose had control of the emergency brake valve on the caboose, and could have placed the train into emergency from the rear.

Oh... no, wait. That's right. IT DID!!! This was on the "Rent three movies, get the 4th one free" rack. That should have been the first clue. I thought, "I'd watch anything with Mena Suvari in it." but, no. I'll never watch this again even if a later Director's Cut shows her wearing just a smile in a deleted scene. This movie, and ones like it, are a clear illustration as to why I usually fold laundry and do the ironing while I watch. Even if the movie sucks - as this one did, hard enough to pull a bowling ball through a garden hose - it's not a total waste of 2 hours. At least I got the laundry done. Oops, I need this to be ten lines. Okay, this movie, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, sucked.