Ice Woman

Michael Zen is 100% embarrassing in this 2-part VHS era sci-fi comedy, managing to in-joke reference "2001", "Star Wars" and "Quest for Fire" all within the opening to his movie. An attractive cast is wasted on utter nonsense.

Zen also edits his movies, and this one is completely inept in that department. It opens in 6000 B. C. in the Tyrolean alps with Caveman/Cavewoman action, that makes no sense. We see Steve Drake as Rog as well as Tom Byron as Org f*cking cavewoman Icewoman (Euro porn star Deborah Wells) in a cave, with Org murdering Rog. Drake reappears 8000 years later in the Alps with girlfriend (or maybe wife, the dialogue is unclear) Ashlyn Gere and they find Wells frozen in the glacier, and she's brought back to his lab in America.

The nonsensical screenplay falls apart at this point, with much reuse of footage, dreams/flashbacks and perhaps intentionally confusing editing. I suspect much of the problem here is the determination to cough up two separate VHS features to release separately to the video stars, rather than take the footage shot and release it as a single, coherent movie.

Subplots of Tony Tedeschi as a TV reporter out to do an expose on Icewoman and scientist Drake (Tony makes love to Kristi Lynn, who is cast as a therapist to introduce the story as if it is really about reincarnation and regression to past lives -all ridiculous); Gere's jealousy causing her to try and destroy her husband/boyfriend's new obsession, Icewoman. Plus Brittany O'Connell as a nymphette lab assistant sucking on a popsicle (get it -ice pop) and also up to no good, plus ridiculous intercut shots of caveman Byron supposedly watching the action from behind glass even though there is no reference to him as perhaps Iceman ? Also found in the glacier?

The fact that nothing tries to make any sense doesn't stop Zen from passing this off as comedy, including such lame jokes as when Drake muses about all the great loves over the ages: Romeo & Juliet, Anthony & Cleopatra, Sonny & Cher -that about covers it. I haven't seen part 2 yet, but I'm certain it will feature more random footage amounting to nothing.