Death Train

This is quite simply one of the worst films ever made. It has no plot, it has no acting, or plain overacting. It has guns with limitless ammo and people who can carry limitless ammo clips.

But the very very worst thing - there was not one, single, tiny bit of continuity anywhere in the film. Ine some of the scenes the train was quite clearly standing still, not even moving, yet seconds later it was thundering at high speed over a bridge, next moment it was crawling along slowly in the mountains.

I didn't watch the credits, but I have to assume there was no continuity editor listed simply because a blind man could do better.

Bryan Genesse's charms aren't dissimilar to his more mainstream meatheaded counterparts Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Seagal etc. He's got the necessary brawn and martial arts finesse and surprising watchability despite having very little appeal. What makes or breaks the vehicles he stars in are first and foremost the writer and director.

Unfortunately for Genesse, he doesn't have the collaboration of solid directors like Peter Hyams ("Timecop") or Ringo Lam ("Maximum Risk," "Replicant"). His best film that I've seen is "Human Timebomb," where the real points are earned with the balls-out action sequences that are undeniably fun even when they have the lowest of production values. That director, Mark Roper, shows skill at giving B-movie productions big, well-constructed sequences, but God help him if the script has too much dialogue.

Yossi Wein, who served as cinematographer for Genesse's "Cold Harvest" and "Traitor's Heart", tries to bring similar sensibilities to the 2002 Nu Image flick "Death Train". It starts off with a slam-bang train heist sequence that finds all in top form. From the first ten minutes, Wein shows skill at keeping the action coherent and at least marginally expensive-looking. Genesse doesn't need to bring much more than brawn in this one, and keeps the cringe-worthy wisecracks to a minimum –in comparison to his other performances anyway.

Unfortunately, there is not much more to be found after the competent opener besides loads of camp and unintentional humor. The villain Weaver, played by Bentley Mitchum, is anything but threatening, only memorable for some downright weird lines. There is way too much talking and not enough challenging complications to keep the film moving after the beginning. In fact, Genesse seems to be doing pointless acrobatic maneuvers along the train cars for most of the second act, which Wein unwisely uses to supplement action. When the action does come, it is usually pretty sloppy – like a shootout in the cafeteria car that plays more like an amateur action scene staged by third graders.

Things do come together somewhat in the end, with a decently-choreographed showdown between Genesse and Mitchum (if you ignore one extremely lazy somersault by Genesse). However, the resolution has some bizarre details that should not be given away, because they are probably the biggest laughs one will have in the whole movie.

Camp value seems to be the most redeeming factor about this B-movie, and in that department it consistently delivers. If it could have delivered some good action among the camp, it would have been in better form. But, as any B-movie buffs knows well, asking for both is asking for too much.

Many of the characters in DEATH TRAIN are just like the ones you`d see in a disaster movie : The young pretty attendant , the young couple in love , the young crippled boy and the man of god . There`s a couple in nuns in there too and I was expecting them to pull out a guitar and give a singalong but fortunately this doesn`t happen . Unfortunately this doesn`t stop DEATH TRAIN from being a bad movie .

As everyone else has noticed ( And unless you`re blind , deaf and dumb it`s impossible not to notice ) DEATH TRAIN is more or less a DIE HARD clone set on a train except it doesn`t have any brain or intentional humour to it . There are laughs of course but I don`t think they were actually in the script . Remember that NAKED GUN film where Frank and the bad guy are shooting at one another behind the bin - the same bin ? well there`s a couple of sequences like that where the hero is in a gun battle with the bad guys and no matter how close they are no one gets shot , at least not untill the script requires someone to die . Plus the film is full of entirely dumb bits like hostages trying to jump the baddies only for them to be shot , this happens several times in fact which led me to ask what on earth made the hostages want to be dead heroes for ? Without doubt the dumbest bit of the film is when the hostages are left unguarded and none of them think about jumping off the train , a train that`s only going 20 mph , this isn`t a continuity error as someone commented , the action switches to the train cab and you can clearly see the speedometer that reads 20 mph

Despite not liking this film I guess it could have been worse - It could have used scenes from UNDER SIEGE 2

This is possibly the most horrific film in history. (Maybe even worse than 'The Mummy Returns')

The special effects looked like they were compiled in Microsoft Paint. Horrendous. The acting was incredible. The thought that these people were actually being paid for this is incredible. The gun fights were about as sharp as Ade Akinbiyi's shooting, were they actually pretending to aim for people or aiming to miss?

Could they not afford extras? One moment there were three people sat in the back of a carraige and within minutes all the "terrorists" had forgotten they were there.

And what was with the mexican train driver? Surely this was a joke. Or do all mexican train drivers listen to that music whilst swigging tequila?

This was entertaining, almost as entertaining as guessing where the train would be in the next scene. Speeding across a bridge, rolling into a station, standing still in the middle of the woods?

With a budget of $27.00, by the looks of it.

Ok, it's only March but I'm willing to guarantee this will be the worst movie I see this year (Christ, I hope it is!)

It's obvious the makers of this flick looked at the basic premise and format from DIE HARD, and simply transferred it onto a train, believing that all they then had to do was have the good guy and bad guys shooting at each other for 90 minutes and the magic (and profit) of DIE HARD would be repeated. Wrong. DIE HARD was a successful fusion of blockbuster spectacle and sublime classical narrative that has yet to be repeated, whereas DEATH ON A TRAIN is just a bunch of bad actors shooting at each other.

The acting in this movie is terrible throughout, although it is difficult to see how even an accomplished actor could make anything of the cliched, expletive-strewn lines this lot are forced to utter. Bryan Genesse, as our hero, flits around in a long leather coat for the duration - he looks very cool, but it's hardly the attire of choice for an action hero repeatedly clambering over a train. He is also as bad a shot as the villains - the movie is crammed with interminable gunfights in which nobody fires anywhere near their opponent. And Bentley Mitchum, looking a bit like a chubby Tim Curry, is simply horrible as the villain. So over the top is his performance, it has a dreadful sort of fascination that compels you to keep watching until the bitter end, just to see how much worse his over-acting can get.

If you value your sanity steer clear of this movie.