Parasite

I was expecting the lowest of the low, but it turns out that this movie has several things to recomment about it. Its atmosphere is effectively dark, the cast is adequate, it taps on some timely issues, and the creature in this movie is unique. People who like movies like this, hate it when the film makers muck it up, but these people do the genre justice.

An abandoned oil rig in the middle of the North Sea. Dr. Christine Hansen (Saskia Gould) is charged with the task of testing an experimental cleaning fluid which could revolutionize the oil industry. Hired to carry out the tests is Jacob Rasmussen (GW Stevens) and his rough and ready crew of deconstruction engineers. But within hours one of them is missing under suspicious circumstances. Things go from bad to worse when environmental activist Mickey Hennessey (Conrad Whitaker) and his hard-bitten associates seize control of the rig, taking everybody on board hostage. But very soon oil workers and environmentalists will be compelled to join forces in an evolutionary battle for survival. For a savage new life-form has made its home on the rig. And it is hungry. Not an especially bad movie, but far from being a great one. A dumb script (courtesy of 5 screenwriters) and weak acting destroy the tension. Special effects weren't great but that's to be expected. It's an OK time waster, but it's very familiar and highly unsatisfying. 3/10.

PARASITE is one of those sci-fi/horror combos that shamelessly rips off ALIENS, showcasing that film's enduring popularity some two decades after its release. This one is set in the usual North Sea oil rig locale, with groups of workers and oil-protesting activists being forced to team up when they find themselves stalked by a mysterious creature which has joined them. This one features the usual plucky female heroine alongside a cliched cast of wooden actors, and an enemy which is perhaps wisely kept off screen throughout. It's entirely undistinguished as a thriller, with awful CGI helicopters and explosions; the best moments are directly copied from the ALIEN films, like the vent scenes.

This movie was awful. I mean, let me add up all the bad things: bad acting, bad special effects, bad script, the clichéd 'girls losing all their clothes', improbable events, dumb characters. There was not one single redeeming quality about Parasite. Not one. I think my favorite part though were the explosions that were obviously fireworks. That has to be a new low. There's also the 'Let me rip off a piece of my already-very-short shirt to help hold off the monster!'. Apparently the director feels that women should be chosen for their roles based on how they look in tiny shirts rather than actual acting ability. Well, for that matter, the men couldn't act either. No one could act in this overly-processed joke of a movie. Avoid at all costs!!!!

From the opening scene, I knew this would be among the worst movies of all time. I was not disappointed, as the production values of segments made for high school television stations are much higher. With that said, the Sasha character is hot, and what can one expect- it's 3 AM and I'm watching the sci-fi channel. "I'm sorry I smacked you earlier" seems like a great line at this hour. Another great quote: "Just because I don't live with you any more doesn't mean I've forgotten how to live" (I seem to remember an ex-girlfriend saying something like that). Also: "Hi, I'm Erik Estrada...start planning your future by owning Arkansas real estate" (Ok, that was from a commercial).