Suburban Sasquatch

I saw this at a bad movie birthday party. I don't even know where it came from. This is flat out amazingly bad. I think they bought someone with a computer and some skillz a bag of weed and then went down to Target and got the rest of the props for the movie.

This seems like it was filmed in people's front yard and like the neighborhood field. The actors seem like they are mostly trying. The story is crazy as hell, Sasquatch can teleport and I think the main character is kinda portrayed in a racially insensitive way. I literally laughed so hard a couple times I cried.

I wanted the hero to be a deranged homeless person living in a tent in the woods and hunting the people of the town believing they were Sasquatch. But alas, they played the teleporting, dimension shifting Sasquatch straight.

The tagline for this one should read something like this: C-list non-actors accosted by roving hair-suit idiot with massive Sasquatchian pepperoni nipples!

Well that was quite terrible.....having seen "Suburban Sasquatch" the other day gang, I can confidently tell you all that it's easily among the worst films ever made - and dare I say it, in it's most charming of moments this stinking, low-budget, crapfest of a movie has something of a Birdemic-quality to it. So that's something in it's favor, I guess. Of obvious amateur make Suburban Sasquatch is profoundly sub-par in all possible aspects and that's especially true when speaking of the acting that's seen throughout the film. But worse yet are the horrifically bad (sub-Birdemic quality) CGI effects which very frequently stain and smear the screen with copious amounts of computer-generated gore; the films CGI effects are simply among the worst ever seen anywhere. Combine those terrible effects with the fact that this movie was shot on video and you have one of the most visually cringeworthy collision of pixels ever assimilated in the form of a movie.

The films cast is simply beyond terrible and all have day jobs, this is especially true for "Rick" the films scrappy and "quick-witted" reporter. This-shlub-has-absolutely-no-business-being-in-movies! And then there's "John" the sheriff whose just as inept, but he just doesn't have as much screen time to show off his pitifully pathetic acting talents. But perhaps the most pathetic part of this movie is the Sasquatch itself...or rather the Sasquatch's suit; for starters the fur on the hands does not match the rest of it's fur and the mask looks as phony as can be. BUT best (worst?) of all are those massive-inverted-Sasquatchian-pepperoni-nipples!!! Just who was the perv who made that obscene suit?

And so as this most heavy-handed of hack-jobs neared conclusion I found myself cataloging all the usual amateurish mistakes, and let me tell you along the way I checked-off virtually all the mistakes typically made by amateur film crews (continuities EVERYWHERE, bad lighting, inconsistent sound, etc) though surprisingly enough I don't recall ever seeing the boom-mike in frame, so good job there guys! All in all this film really does have a Birdemic feel to it, BUT it's even worse and has an even lower budget. I can say that Suburban Sasquatch does get off to a much faster start, because after all there's murder in the air.

And on the matter of memorable director cameos just forget about Sorcese in Taxi Driver or any of Hitchcock's trademark pop-ins, this film has the absolute best one AND at the same time we also get one of the best reaction shots ever "Dave...".

So wrapping things up Suburban Sasquatch is bad on all counts, BUT it also has many moments of purely nonsensical fun. But I warn you to only watch it once - your brain will thank you for that later on.

Very, very, few movies are worse than Suburban Sasquatch and on that note - Sasquatch Nipples over and out!

Personal note: When I was a kid, there was a local teenager who made his own movies. He would invite the neighborhood kids over to his house, put a bed sheet on the wall, load up the projector, and... his latest horror "masterpiece" would work its magic. Mostly, it was kids from the same street, running around, falling, pretending to be dead, etc. There was also a lot of ketchup utilized.

Fast forward to 2004, and SUBURBAN SASQUATCH is unleashed. It uses the very same aforementioned filming techniques, only now it's adults running around instead of children. Horrendous CGI "effects" have replaced most of the ketchup, especially for the fire hose-like, blood spraying shots.

There are no production values per se, as this isn't really a production of any sort. Just wait until you see the "cops"! Don't even get me started on the whole "native American" angle! As for Sasquatch / Footy himself, well, let's just say that it was half off day at the used costume shop!

Oh my goodness!

Shot on what appears to have been a cell phone, it still managed to cost over $10,000.00 to make! Someone must have eaten an awful lot of pizza!

Now, in spite of everything stated, make no mistake, this "movie" is extremely entertaining. So, gather your friends, amass the appropriate intoxicants, and be prepared to howl until your lungs burn...

One of the greatest nights I've had in a while was watching this with some friends on Zoom. So hang up some tarp, put on an Arby's uniform and give this a watch. You'll have some good laughs.

Yikes! So this is a scary movie, just not in the good horror movie kind of way, it's just scary bad. I never particularly enjoy the ones that are this incompetent and cheap and amateurish on most every level you can think of, it's the kind of bad where you have to turn your brain off just to get any real enjoyment, and that has its place with B-movies that are actually fun and entertaining, but this movie is just rotten and it harmed me physically, I got headache! Except for making you laugh once or twice maybe, it doesn't have any good qualities. I must have caught like five sentences while watching it because the way the lines are delivered my brain just went nope, you ain't watching that! I'd already checked out mentally before it even got to the ten minute dialogue scenes because frankly the acting is the least of this movie's problems. The movie would have been better without the reporter character because he was the worst, they were all poor actors but he was a sack of potatoes in front of the camera and whenever he was on screen the movie went from a one to a negative-one, he was an energy sapper. It should have just focused on the Native American chick fighting the ridiculous motorcycle-roaring sasquatch. The sasquatch just looked so bad and cheap like a dime store Halloween costume that has too much chest showing lol. Power Rangers monsters were more impressive. It was also the writing, the mixing of horrible practical effects with even worse cgi, apparently this movie couldn't even afford to use a real net, and it was always doing that thing where someone would go outside and it would be nighttime when it had clearly just been daytime, in the scenes where you'll get people's limbs flying all over the place, in the next scene they'd be attached, just sloppy and mostly very boring to me.. In closing this is not a so bad it's good movie, not really, the genuinely fun ones aren't usually such endurance tests to sit all the way through. I'm all for cheesy horror but I'd rather drop an anvil on my foot then watch all that again. Thank you Suburban Sasquatch, my soul hurts. 🎃