Bitten

There are B- grade movies . . . and then there are way, way . . . way below B- grade movies. This is absolutely one of them.

Actually, this is one of those films that is so completely ridiculous and awful that it could become a true classic, sort of the "Plan 9 From Outer Space" of the modern vampire genre'.

I can't possibly imagine anyone connected with this project was actually serious while they were in production. They must have been having quite a party offset, having way too much fun while shooting this thing.

Erica Cox is fun to watch (what a perfect name), I have to admit.

In an attempt to put some sort of life into this creation, there is a bit of quasi porn woven into the "plot" (I use that word very sparingly here). This could be quite fun to watch, if one is in the right mindset.

Perhaps some recreational imbibement should be recommended before attempting to view this.

OK . . . considering its comedy value, I could actually offer (gasp) 5 stars for this one. But be warned, this is definitely not academy award material.

Jason Mewes (Clerks, Jay and Silent Bob, Mallrats) is a para medic who finds a girl in trouble (Erica Cox). Trouble is, she has a bloody secret.

The problem is that Danika (Cox) has some really strange foreplay issues. In order not to hurt Jack (Mewes), she has to have her foreplay with someone else before they have sex. Of course, when she has her foreplay with Maya (Amy Lynn Grover), it really gets interesting. Now we have two gorgeous naked babes in bed covered in blood.

Jack is really flipping out, because he has to clean up the mess. The body count is really rising.

How is he going to solve his problem? Normal women are tough enough, but a vampire?

Really funny.

I enjoyed this low budget comedy which explores the perils of having a vampire for a girlfriend. It's painfully obvious that the producers of this independent movie didn't have a great deal of money to throw around, as almost the whole film takes place in a single location and in terms of special effects, fake blood and contact lenses are all we get. But the profane script just gets better as the story progresses and I ended up having a ball with it. It's as if the scriptwriter started out attempting to make a serious movie, then threw his hands up in the air and decided to enjoy himself.

Much of the comic interplay comes from the pairing of two ambulance drivers (Jason Mewes and the deliciously bad taste Richard Fitzpatrick) who curse, shout and rant at the world in general. The story, about Mewes falling in love with a girl who's always hungry, is fairly by the by, and the fun lies in the execution. It's as if the people who made this knew they didn't have a great deal to work with, so they just had fun instead.

A great deal of the scenes are played for titillation. Erica Cox either appears nude or in an extraordinarily skimpy little top. She's certainly one of the most arresting vampires I've seen on screen. Not content with that, they throw in a brief lesbian scene as well. Mewes is fun, and that sense of enjoyment rubs off, allowing you to ignore the plot holes (why don't the drug dealers come back?) and the fact that not a great deal happens during the film after all. Sure, the ending is over-the-top and cheesy in the extreme, but as a whole BITTEN kicks the asses of plenty of other similar independent horror films.

Bitten is a low budget black comedy-horror film, in the realm of Shaun of the Dead. Jack is a paramedic who has just broken up with his girlfriend when he comes upon a sexy young lady, bleeding in an alley. He takes her to his place and quickly discovers that she is a vampire who needs blood in order to survive. Danika kills his ex when she tries to pick up her stuff. Jack puts a stake through her heart when she comes back to life.

The murders become more and more frequent and Danika's violence and thirst for blood increase. His best friend from work helps him work out a plan to terminate his troublesome new roommate, and this leads to an interesting conclusion. The acting is competent for what it is; not exactly Hamlet, but a fun distraction for ninety minutes.

The paramedic Jack (Jason Mewes) works in the graveyard shift and is needy of love since his girlfriend Sherry (Jordan Madley) dumped him. His peer Roger (Richard Fitzpatrick) is bored of his laments in the ambulance and suggests him to date another girl. While going home after hours, he sees a beautiful woman covered with blood in the alley and she refuses to go to the hospital. Jack brings the stranger home and nurses her until she is recovered and tells her name, Danika (Erica Cox). Jack falls in love with Danika that seems to be drug addicted suffering from withdraw symptoms. Sooner Jack discovers that Danika is a vampire and she is not addicted but starving of blood and he has a serious problem at home.

"Bitten" is a politically incorrect comedy about the love between a lovelorn paramedic and a sexy vampire starved of blood. The story is entertaining and Jason "Jay" Mewes and Richard Fitzpatrick are very funny most of the time. I was disappointed with the open end of the film but I found that the conclusion is actually in the end of the credits with Roger nursing Jack. My vote is five.

Title (Brazil): "Amor Entre Vampiros" ("Love Between Vampires")