Steven Kan's Sharks of the Corn

Generally speak, I like Shark movies. It's really a stretch to call this a shark movie.

Everything about this was bad. Bad acting, bad cinematography, bad dialog, bad... no, not just bad but HORRIBLE "special effects".

I've had bouts of explosive diarrhea that were more enjoyable than this movie.

To be fair, I only got about 10 minutes in and pulled the plug. Maybe it's like the Wizard of Oz where the first part of the film is black and white and then transforms into a mind-blowing full-color experience only in this case, the movie starts horribly bad and then pivots unexpectedly into a cinematic masterpiece.

I mean, I highly doubt it, but it's always possible. I'll have to spin it up again and forward to the end.

I LOVE bad movies. It's why I came to it with a name like Sharks of the Corn and sat with giggly glee at the fake shark going through the corn field in the beginning. What it's lacking though is a poke fun at itself. No humor really. They tried too hard to get the audience soon on with the immediate nudity of chunky girls and slashing with chunky ketchup blood.

The camera work is bad, as it should be, however, I think a middle schooler with a smart phone and social media filters could make it better (as we see on TikTok). For example, they bludgeon a guy, but we miss the hit and see their torso down with a ground shot. Head space isn't considered in any shot either.

I stuck with it because of curiosity of how bad could it get. Was it a waste of time? Maybe. Would I watch it again? Na. Will I talk about it after? Oh yeah!!

From what I saw. It's not Sharknado. It's not so bad it's good. It's not good tongue in cheek, It's someone with a video camera, who simply decided to......I'm sorry I just can't speak anymore.... I need to sit down. Videocameras, editors, and viewers were harmed in the making of this. I think of the poor editor who had to sit for hours and hours on end and likely had to go alone to a bar and drown his sorrows. That's who I'm sad for. Think of him ladies and gentlemen. Think of this poor poor man who had to edit this.

Look I welcome the ridiculous. Shark in a cornfield could be silly fun. But it wasn't even silly, nor fun.

This is not one of those movies that some scientist says that there are land sharks and no one believes until half the town is eaten; then you see the shark. In this movie you see the little cutie upfront. So, they wrote the script backwards.

I have cats that look more vicious. That is why I to not let them watch this sort of thing.

Some randy girl says "You can bite me. No extra charge." And there is some sort of Shark-a-do-do cult. That is still teething.

Speaking about girls, all the females in this movie look like they have been plumping up as shark-chow. Not one scrawny female among them.

Oh, no there is even an evil cabal of shark people. Or possibly alien shark people. Twists and turns abound without waiting for the end.

We may be confronted by a whole menagerie; I will not go into details as it is the fun of surprise. Luckily, we do not have to listen to rap music in the background. Periodically the cutie sharks barf up red corn sweetener.

I cannot believe Benchley (Casey Miracle) is a scoundrel. Will he come unhinged. As everybody must get stoned. He is also known as the varmint.

Filming location The Roundabout in Clark County, Kentucky U. S. A. Too bad as they have Inka giant corn in Salinas Valley, California.

The only thing that might be missing is Richard Dutoit Carlson. Then again?

This could be based on a real incident. As we know that there was corn in Mexico:

WORLD A boulder blocking a Mexican cave was moved. Hidden inside were human skeletons and the remains of sharks and blood-sucking bats.

BY KERRY BREEN DECEMBER 22, 2023 / 2:38 PM EST / CBS NEWS.

Right, well with a movie titled "Sharks of the Corn", of course you are bound to believe that you are in for either a spoof or a comedy. One would think so. But no, this 2021 movie from writer and director is seriously labeled as a horror movie. Yeah, exactly, a horror movie.

And, well, I guess it was a horror movie in some way, because this movie was bad. So horribly, horrible bad. And yet, I sat through it, hoping that it would eventually become so cheesy and bad that it would become one of those movies so bad that they are enjoyable and hilarious to watch. That just never happened with "Sharks of the Corn".

The storyline in "Sharks of the Corn" was just downright corny, pardon the pun, so at least the writer and director got that right. But it wasn't by any means an enjoyable storyline. And the whole thing about sharks and Stonehenge being interwoven? But why?

The acting in this 2021 horror movie was dubious at best. Of course it was, just take a look at the special effects, the storyline, the dialogue and the sharks, and you get the idea.

There there were the special effects. Boy, were they special alright. The effects were lowkey and practical in origin. And points scored for making something like this. But the effects in "Sharks of the Corn"? Come on. It was atrocious. It was so blatantly obvious just a hand shark puppet held in front of the camera. And the blood effects? Well, let's not even go there.

"Sharks of the Corn" is without a doubt one of the worst movies that I have suffered through. Don't get suckered in by the movie's cover, the title or the catch phrase "Steven Kang's Sharks of the Corn". I did, and I regret it awfully.

My rating of "Sharks of the Corn" lands on a one out of ten stars.