Witch

It is 1585 England. There be witches. There is a battle before it flashbacks to four nights earlier. The blacksmith's innocent wife is accused of being a witch. This is a British fantasy indie. I don't know why all the printed material says 1575 when the text in the movie says 1585. To me, that tells the story of this movie's amateur production. The first thing I noticed is that none of this feels real. This location feels like some present day reconstruction theme park. I do have to say that there are interesting singular images, but when it gets stretched out to full scenes, it becomes rather boring. In the end, this movie puts me to sleep.

Honestly?

1. As non native english speaker I'd know that in 1500 you would speak like thy/thou/etc , and not "what's up?". ESPECIALLY in England (dunno USA ).

2. Then come the effects. Sometimes reasonably good but never great (rather poor).

3. Actors' play is somewhat good but didn't make me fall of the chair.

4. Music... what music ?

5. Costumes bearable but NOT GREAT.

I could go on till I reach 20 or even 100 perhaps. But what's the point?

The movie I was so looking forward to (because of the trailer) seems to be great... Yes GREAT.

Disappointment.

Make yourself a favor and don't watch it.

By gum, this is truly diabolical. Neil Marshall made a similarly-themed turkey a few years ago, yet this makes that seem like a bleedin' classic in comparison. No effort has been made here. Plot, acting, sets, wardrobes, dialogue, budget. One of the leads wears a terrible false beard throughout. Poor bugger, I felt for him because he seemed to show a bit more energy than the others; like a temp trying to get a perm job in the office. A well known newspaper suggested this was worth a go, but that rag's been going downhill too in recent years. I even paid for this on a streaming site, what was I thinking? I'm thinking I'll need to watch Captain Kronos again to erase this crud from my memory.

Don't believe the high ratings for this film!

These people must be paid shills who are inflating the film's quality for profit.

Historical inaccuracies and inconsistencies abound. "Okay" was not used until 1839. A bowl of obviously plastic fruit is set on the blacksmith's table. Swords are flimsy aluminum. Acting is at best 2nd rate. The horseshoes that the blacksmith is hammering are absolutely cold, and made for gaming, not for shoeing horses. After he hammers these cold horseshoes uselessly for a while, he hands them directly into the bare hands of a customer, and later his wife, even though he was holding them with tongs while hammering them, indicating that they were very hot!

After William and Twyla escape from the jail, the guard who pursues them suddenly just gives up and goes back to town, even though the escapees were only about 20 feet ahead of them!

Johanna was caught red-handed, holding her parents' heads in her hands in the middle of town, yet William screams out at her trial, "How many innocent people have been sent to the gallows by these so-called trials?" Apparently, William does not consider fratricide or matricide as crimes worth prosecution!

"Twyla" was not used as a name until 1965.

AntiChristian bias also abounds! The town priest is a sadistic psychopath who thinks it's his job to cleanse the filthy peasants of their sins by corporal and capital punishment. The gray-robed shaman says that the devil is nothing to be feared. And all religion is a lie based on fear. Demons are evil, but the devil is OK? WTF? Who's the chief of the demons? Wouldn't he be the devil?

DUH!

The old shaman also claims to be William at a younger age. But this begs the question, how did young William's huge nose shrink so much over the years?

Of course, we have more of the parallel universe string theory nonsense that prevails in way too many stories these days. Conveniently makes even the most moronically rudimentary plot too complicated to make sense of! Utter garbage!

I got swindled out of $5 to suffer through this worthless mess, but I am writing this review so that perhaps, in your universe, you will be wise enough not to repeat my painful error!

May the Farts be with all you motherlovers!

Awful movie so utterly painful to watch.

Don't waste your time, you can tell this had a low budget, poor acting, poor, costumes, the set needed work as did everything else the cinematic experience is non existent.

Storyline was completely a miss, and so utterly so predicable.

I was totally sucked in by the high reviews, (really what elixirs are you all on) you're definitely all on something, it maybe worth getting my hands on some then perhaps I'd have enjoyed this movie just as much as you all claimed to have done.

DISSAPOINTED is an understatement.

Honestly find something else to watch.