Lot Lizards

The Story Line is Weak. The Acting is Substandard. Real Lizards could have done a Better Job Speaking and Acting. The Audio is very Poor. The spoken lines are inarticulate and difficult to understand.

No budget, and hilarious. It's curb your enthusiasm minus talent, and wins for it. Highly entertaining; So bad it's great. Funnier than most comedies out, takes low budget to the best extreme. Robert L Parker is having fun with a few dollars in his pocket and shining light on his local street workers/ friends. Has a message even if it's one of the most poorly executed films I've ever seen. I hope this review brings more traction to this beautiful dumpster fire of a movie. I'm glad tubi has no filter and allows this gratuitous nonsense to exist for the general populace. Solid 8 if you also enjoy movies with no real direction, camera work, writing, or characters. It's amazing.

Right, well as I sat down to watch the 2022 drama titled "Lot Lizards" from writer Andrea Parker and director Robert L. Parker III, I have to admit that I didn't know what I was in for. Had I heard about the movie prior to watching it? Nope, not even the slightest word. But I have to say that I wasn't really expecting this movie to be a grand cinematic experience.

Still, I opted to watch it, since it was a movie that I hadn't already seen, and I do believe in giving a movie a fair chance. But this movie was a swing and a miss. Actually, strike that. The ball never even made it to the playing field. This movie is right up there among the top five of horrible movies I have stumbled upon in my many years of watching movies.

The storyline is immature and felt like it was just made up on the spot as they were shooting the movie. So there wasn't really anything great to be viewed here. It was rubbish and amateurish at best. And the narrative of the storyline was so mind-boggling slow that it was painful to sit through. Running at nearly two hours, this movie was a struggle to sit through. I managed to endure 41 minutes of slow, agonizing torture, then I just couldn't take anymore and had to end the movie.

I wasn't familiar with a single actress or actor on the cast list. And that is usually something I enjoy in movies. But if I have to be honest, then I wasn't enjoying it in "Lot Lizards". Why? Well, because the acting performances resembled something like fish flapping about out of water. It was painful to witness.

The character gallery in "Lot Lizards" was just downright laughable. Talk about having generic and stereotypical characters. And the dialogue that writer Andrea Parker managed to conjure up for the bland characters just didn't work. Plus the fact that in some of the scenes the delivered dialogue was just inaudible.

I am sure that there might be an audience out there for a movie such as "Lot Lizards", though I just can't fathom where or why.

My rating of "Lot Lizards" lands on a one out of ten stars. This movie was downright bad. It felt like something that I could have made myself with my DV camera and a handful of friends.

This isn't a total waste. It fails as a recruiting film for working girls, doesn't do much for pimps, but does shed some light on the horrors of being a motel housekeeper. I admit I did not hang until the ending and may have missed a glimmer of art. I took an early out to volunteer to pick up dog squeeze in my neighbors lawn. Thegirls been eating good and are a hefty bunch.

Will there be a sequel? The Return of the Lot Lizards? Lizards ll? I should have worn protection. I feel so dirty.

This film begins with a prostitute by the name of "Angie" (Chasity Nicole) and her pimp "Slim" (Jeff Horner) having sex in a hotel room. Although everything starts off well enough, he then becomes violent and fearing for her life Angie hits him over the head with a bottle which ends up killing him. Not knowing what else to do, she quickly gathers her belongings and leaves the hotel room resulting in the maid discovering the body the next day. That night, Angie meets up with four other prostitutes and essentially tries to fill as their manager during Slim's unexplained absence. What nobody realizes, however, is that a violent convict named "Tez" (Cortez Maxwell) has just been released from prison and plans to take over the territory once controlled by Slim--and this has severe consequences for all concerned. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this is one of those low-budget films that had a certain amount of potential which was clearly not realized. Of particular concern was the audio irregularities which sometimes caused me to turn up the volume to understand what was being said only to have my speakers almost blown out when one of the characters started yelling all of a sudden. Likewise, in one particular scene the decision was made to play some rap music at the same time some of the characters were having a conversation. Naturally, everything was totally incomprehensible. Needless to say, neither of these things should ever happen and, whoever the sound technician was, he shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a movie set ever again. Not just that, but this rather obvious defect should have also been picked up during the editing process--and the fact that it wasn't points right at the director (Robert L. Parker III) who, by the way, was also credited as the film editor as well. Given this sad circumstance, although the acting was clearly second-rate, I find it difficult to criticize any of the actors too harshly. Along those same lines, there were a couple of actors--most notably Chasity Nicole, Cortez Maxwell and possibly Kamaria King (as "Jade")--who might have possibly made a difference with competent direction. Sadly, this was not the case and, given the obvious faults just mentioned, I cannot rate this film any higher than I have.