The Last Heist

Such witty dialogue... no not really... absolute garbage. The acting is horrible too - terrible actors passing round a baton of poorly delivered, cliched lines.

How long would it take a group of monkeys to write the entire work of Shakespeare? A very long time. However, I think they could probably produce a script for The Last Heist in a couple of hours by flinging excrement at a keyboard.

There is the usual collection of 10/10 reviews, and I'm not surprised - Think The Godfather meets The Dark Knight with a bit of Pulp Fiction sprinkled on top.

There is one part that's real cinematic magic,,,

When I first started to watch that movie it had more than 8 points from 10. Now it has less than 5. I know why. Terrible acting, bad cinematography, erratic screenplay and boring editing.

There is something new about telling the story at the end of the movie, but it is a mixture of bad heist movies, with very poor acting. I don´t know what else to say, I warn people: be ware of watching this thing. There is nothing about the title You could expect on it.

I am taking note of the name of the director, and then I am not going to watch anything from him again.

Very very poor movie

3 stars out of 10.

The Last Heist squanders whatever potential it had within the first ten minutes. What should have been a tense, stylish thriller ends up being a cliché-riddled, painfully dull mess that plays like a knockoff of far better films.

The dialogue is wooden, the characters are paper-thin, and the plot - if you can call it that - stumbles from one predictable scene to another with all the urgency of a Sunday stroll. The so-called "twists" are telegraphed so far in advance that they land with a whimper, not a bang.

Even the action, which should've been the film's saving grace, is poorly choreographed and badly edited. Performances range from forgettable to outright embarrassing, with most of the cast seeming like they'd rather be anywhere else.

By the time the credits roll, the only thing you'll be stealing is your time back - if you're lucky enough to walk away before the end.

I dunno know where to start if I'm honest.

One positive: there's some good acting from Terry Stone and Perry Benson, as always, but Sam Gittins and Daniel O'Reily (Dapper Laughs) really carry the whole thing. If it weren't for Dapper, I'd've turned this off after 10mins. I was surprised at what a great comedy actor he is and there's some real laugh out loud moments, which is quite incredible, considering how shocking bad the script is. All other acting is wooden, disconnected and inauthentic. GCSE drama springs to mind.

But yeah, the script is by far the worst thing about this film. There are so many swear words, it stops being funny and becomes embarrassing. The narrative is difficult to follow at times because there is so much waffle and extraneous information. It's also not clear what era we're in. The attitudes of the men towards women and the existence of East End gangsters indicates it should be 70s, but they wear Trump masks for the robbery... so, this is supposed to be modern day? Weird.

They've also publicised this film as being based on real people, but we don't know who these people are so lord knows why that's relevant. Either way, none of the characters are endearing or admirable. I'm not sure if I was supposed to like these people, be impressed by them, feel sorry for them or loathe them but I'm leaning towards the latter.

Basically, it feels like a load of geezers with some pocket money romanticised what they wish their lives were like if they were hard nut gangsters and this is the result. Don't waste your time or money on it.

THE LAST HEIST is the kind of film I thought - and hoped - they'd stopped making a decade or so ago. You know the type, sub-Guy Ritchie fare with diamond geezers trading banter around the mean streets of south London. This one's advertised as a robbery flick with the bad guys wearing Donald Trump masks, but in fact 90% of it is set in a boring bar backdrop where the quartet of male characters swap dialogue and try to be both funny and cool. Sadly, they're not; the script is puerile, the humour forced and unnatural, and the acting straight out of drama school. Perry Benson is one of the familiar faces appearing here, and by this stage in his career, he should really know better.