Inara, the Jungle Girl

I tried to watch this movie and keep an open mind but for a low budget B Movie they didn't leave anything to the imagination - story was choppy, actors were rushed and possessed no emotion or credibility. I can honestly say this is one of the worst movies I have ever viewed - I have seen home made YouTuber videos that blow this out of the water. I wish I could at least say that the scantly clad girls were worth some stars but they were horrible actresses/models who where stiff and would be better played on Silent Hill as the bandaged nurses. Anyway to each their own...stay clear of this eye sore of a movie as there are far better movies out there with much better storyline, actors, directors, writers, and editors. I would be embarrassed to say I worked on this movies or put it on a resume.

So the good points.

The cinematography is good great camera angles and well lit locations. the music/score is actually really good if a little cheesy in places but it's a lot better than most b movies.

That being said the script and acting render this film almost unwatchable.

the fight scenes are really clunky and awkward.

There doesn't seem to be a plot or reason to anything just a series of scene changes

There's some hot girls not wearing much but don't expect to much.

The Internet acronym LMFAO = Laughing my ****ing a**e off. What I did throughout most of whatever the hell this is.

On some sort of primitive Amazonian island, where the cut off inhabitants can still apparently have access to breast augmentation, tattoos, bikinis and metal weapons, a baby is found by an errant wanderer. Flash forward 18 years, and said kid has been raised in mainstream society. She can somehow beat up four blokes twice her size even while drunk, and is the victim of two tiresome montages featuring a couple of the worst songs I've ever heard.

Wait, it gets better. She's invited along on an army expedition on the same isle she was discovered on (this is just a coincidence, by the way) and en route, the helicopter crashes. Problem is... We never SEE the collision, just a flash of white light. Obviously a victim of the high-end budget. As the only survivor, she is swiftly abducted by the resident female warriors, where she is almost immediately recognised (don't ask how) as their missing child from almost two decades ago, and consequently made queen.

Why does she accept all this so quickly? Why is she ready to give up on her old life just like THAT? How do this band of ladies procreate with no men around? Believe me, this is NOT a film to be asking questions. By doing so, you're likely end up in a straitjacket... This truly is a movie where the concept ( a bunch of Playboy rejects bounce around in minimal clothing for just over an hour) seems to have originated long before the script.

But WHAT script? This crap could have been made up on the spot. And that goes for the music too, which seems to have been put together by tone death monkeys on kazoos. The attempts at drama are so beyond parody, it's amazing the camera doesn't shake with laughter from the director at the pathetic pouting they call performing. In fact, I'm surprised ANYONE involved in the... Thing... could keep a straight face. Perhaps they were all on something, at the time of production (actually, that would explain a LOT).

I end with talking about the final 'battle', an exercise in such dismal amateurishness that it had me in absolute hysterics. These bimbettes take on a small army of trained soldiers in their swimsuits, in what must be the most horribly choreographed fight scene I've watched. The weapons NEVER make contact. A small tap sends a 6ft tall bloke hurtling through the air. We don't see anyone die... And yet, there are graves galore at the end.

If I handed out points for unintentional hilarity, this would comfortably be the best comedy I've seen this year. Alas, I do not. 0/10

What was the point of this movie? Why did they waste film making it? Why did I actually watch the entire thing when I should have turned it off after thirty seconds?

To put it mildly, this movie lacks a plausible story, lacks any sense of meaningful dialogue, and does not have one character with any shred of passable acting ability. The characters are miscast, to say the least: Since when are midriff t-shirts and belly button rings standard Army issue? The Amazons, themselves, look like they would not last one day in "The Rainforest Cafe" let alone an Amazonian jungle. It is also comforting to know that there is no shortage of hair, make-up, or hygiene products in the Amazon. If your next plane trip crash lands in the Jungle,you may die from dehydration or disease, but you will certainly always look your best.

This flick takes "bad film making" from the gutter and pulls it down into the sewer. "Inara" is a complete waste of time....an exploitation film at it's absolute lowest. I could have made a better movie about cutting my toenails using an iPhone camera that would have more drama than this trash.

I'm rating the trailer. I've never seen this movie, and expert importers can't find any trace of it. Being RavenGlamDVDCollector@gmail here at ElectricLadyLand, I am of course interested in it. I Googled AMAZONIA and found the trailer, and was, of course, mesmerized by all these young actresses clearly-heading-for-the- red-carpets of Oscar night after this gloriously green jungle has been so tantalizingly decorated with their tanned, lithe, curvy, half- naked bodies, slurp, yummy, (drool). Sigh. Emphasis on the sigh.

My quest for this one differs from almost all the rest. This is a 2012 item and therefore still relatively new. Somewhere there must be people who would make a bundle out of a proper DVD release. I am not sure if such a release ever took place. Kindly inform me, fellow perverts!

Hell, as long as there are girls running around looking like SHEENA, I'd be chasing after the DVD, and wincing about the bad acting/wasted plot line afterward. I'd have to go search on the Takealot and WantItAll sites again, but up till earlier this year, there was no luck.

Addendum, still 30 April. Writing this review brought me luck, as I found the DVD offered on WantItAll immediately after submitting my sorry-ass review that was just a way of scouting for assistance from IMDb. It is hellishly expensive being from WantItAll imported through Amazon, but that's how it is. Will get to it later and will then review it a whole lot better. All these guys dissing it though, they knew perfectly damn well what they were getting into. You don't expect Meryl Streep in these kind of movies, so don't complain afterward. I was surprised to learn here that there is no nudity involved though, and did find that particular review helpful, and voted as such. I'll let this bit of wreckage keep floating about as a monument to an almost year-long search. Earlier today when I saw that pic on the site, I figured that looks like a DVD release, and shouldn't have even bothered here, but let it stand. Ah, now if only the Mighty Dollar will come down a bit and make my purchase easier. Oh, I hear you Americans laughing gleefully...

And, oh yeah, a man is a fool. And girls make even bigger fools of us. But a lot of fun could be had. But sometimes, some men go too far while having fun by themselves in front of the screen (hinting now at darkly embarrassing sordid activities us menfolk are prone to), and then there's a bit of a messy accident, and they then don't own up to the fun they had, you just get sour reviews written a bit later... :)

Addendum, 11 January 2015. Finally watched it. Movie is quite disappointing. Had it lived up to its trailer, but no... It seems everything good about the flick Went into the trailer. You need nothing more! Or, okay, there was a total vision as a back-up dancer in the fireside scene. She has the lithest body on film! She looks like the wind in the willows! Wow! But no speaking part. Cast looks like Fox Force Fifteen. Cali Danger is somebody to watch. But the only actress in the movie was the little girl who got shot for all her trouble. The picture has no audience involvement, we do not care about the characters. But I suspected as much and knew what I was letting myself in for, but the real disappointment was that the glamor itself wasn't anything more than that already seen in the trailer.

To the reviewer from Alaska: It is also not explained why Inara is such a tough little bird. That punch in her stomach, that kick by one of the girls...