Guillermo Tell

So... I came for arrows and rebellion.

I stayed for moody stares and dramatic cloak-swishing. And I left wondering: was this a freedom fighter or a medieval therapist with anger issues?

Claes Bang plays William Tell like he's auditioning to be the next Batman - dark, brooding, and emotionally constipated. The man shoots maybe one arrow, but delivers about 947 intense silences. Respect.

Ben Kingsley shows up and casually steals every scene with the smug energy of someone who knows this isn't going to win any awards - and doesn't care. Icon.

Highlights: Gorgeous Swiss mountains.

Enough slow-motion stares to power a shampoo commercial.

Historical drama that thinks it's Shakespeare but sometimes feels more like a LARP gone rogue.

Lowlights: Pacing so slow, I checked my pulse. Twice.

A hero with all the charisma of a wet log.

Dialogue so dramatic, it circles back to being hilarious.

Bottom line: It's not a bad movie. It's just very committed to being serious... even when it really shouldn't be. Like wearing full armor to a garden party.

Watch it with wine. Or snacks. Or while folding laundry. You won't miss much if you blink - or nap.

Had to turn it off after so many sea voyages which appeared to be made out as a if they were on the North Sea. Between Switzerland and Austria? Awful. While this was dreadful and mind numbing even as a bit of background noise it became too much to cope with. Not sure why reviews have to be so long so again I'll just say don't bother. Walk your dog for the 5th time today go to the toilet, even if you don't need to. You can read the ingredients on the shampoo bottle, It'll be more entertaining even if you know them word for word. Then move onto the shower gell. Enough words almost now. It's awful cheers.

I found this historical drama enjoyable enough, if of highly questionable historical accuracy. The anachronistic role of women and the racial diversity of the cast is forced, very distracting, provides an unnecessary backstory to the lead character and thereby detracts from the power of the story telling. The CGI, particularly in the water-borne scenes, is poor because it is not that well done, too noticeable and in most cases unnecessary. The film makers should instead have allowed the mountain scenery to work the magic. It is really beautiful although it is not authentically Swiss (the end credits reveal it was filmed in the Italian Tyrol). The violence and the battle scenes are handled competently. Look out for a leg being detached with a scythe and a genuinely stomach-churning and realistically portrayed through-the-eye stabbing. The famous shooting the apple scene comes about half way through and seems a bit incidental to the screenplay, perhaps inserted only because audiences will expect it. All in all, there's plenty to criticize but enough positive points to make it worth watching. The end scenes set up a sequel but actually make this film end awkwardly.

The movie is pretty poor, overall. But that's not what I'm here to flag... by far the most jarring aspect is they've lifted Al Pacino's Peach With Inches speech from Any Given Sunday, in parts practically verbatim, for Tell's rousing the troops before battle. WTF is that all about??

Not even a little bit, a nod to it, huge chunks.

"In any fight, it's the man whose willing to die..."

"You gotta look at the person sitting next to you, look in the eye and ask that person are you willing to die for me..." but delivered in the least inspiring, spine chilling way that it should make Pacino cry himself to sleep.

I watched the world premiere of William Tell at the Toronto International Film Festival (2024).

The presenter of the festival had said before the movie, "they don't make movies like this anymore". I assumed that was a positive thing.

Unfortunately, it really wasn't. The biggest issue of the movie was the language used.

This is a 14th-century period piece that involved the Swiss and Austrians. But for whatever reason the dialogue was written in something that sounded like a high-schooler's approximation of Victorian English.

According to the director, he wrote the dialogue to have language unique to the film. Maybe to assist in some sense of believability within this world. Instead the film was often hard to follow. Character motivations were lost in the flowery, disjointed language.

That being said - the cast did their absolute best with the film. Golshifteh Farahani, Connor Swindells, Rafe Spall, and Ellie Bamber were standouts.

Don't go to see the film for Ben Kingsley - he was barely in it and his performance felt completely phoned in.

If you're okay with 2-hours of mindlessness as you watch beautiful scenery and cool fight scenes - I think there is enough to enjoy.

The movie set up a sequel. I do hope it can be made, and some changes to how dialogue and character interactions are done will be made.