Ice Storm

Charleybarley was spot on with his review. So stupid and bad, it must be a joke. I watched it because North Carolina was mentioned. I wish I could un-watch it, but if you need a good laugh, this is it. If a zero-star rating was a choice, that's what I would have given it. It doesn't deserve a 1. When I tried to submit this review, I was told that a review must contain 600 words. So, I'll repeat myself. Charleybarley was spot on with his review. So stupid and bad, it must be a joke. I watched it because North Carolina was mentioned. I wish I could un-watch it, but if you need a good laugh, this is it. If a zero-star rating was a choice, that's what I would have given it. It doesn't deserve a 1. AND IT DOESN'T DESERVE 600 WORDS.

This was such a poorly thought out story 4 minutes in, it was a father-son bonding moment, and 8 minutes in the world was going to end. It was like watching a bad episode of Power Rangers, crossed between a live action Johnny Quest and Spy Kids. I kept hoping it would get better. I wonder if someone was using a magic 8 ball to make decisions when they were filming this.

The trailer did look promising, and I thought it would be a cross between of Snow Piercer and The Day After Tomorrow. On the bright side, they did not spend any money on gratuitous blood and gore. The ending did make me snort, and I won't give that away. At least nobody was inappropriately dressed, other than the neoprene suits looking rather uncomfortable, but hey, they had those fancy lights!

I was looking forward to this film and although I could tell what was happening, this film is full of inconsistencies and unnecessary parts which have no bearing on the disaster in hand. There are tangents all over the place with no context to explain what is going on. Emotions occur out of nowhere seemingly without any cause. There was a lot of over use of big, scientific words that the average person won't necessarily understand which I have never seen in any other film in this genre. It felt like the story was poorly written and overall, probably the worse film I've seen. The acting wasn't even that bad, in fact I would say it was fairly good.

This movie could have been "so bad it's good" like those ridiculous bad CGI gator movies but it's not. The actors take themselves too seriously but they just can't convey emotions. None of them. Sometimes it seems like they don't even know their lines. When they act like they're cold, it reminds me of Joey on Friends. And the "science" part of it is like a Facebook comment section where people are confidently using a lot of big, long words to say essentially nothing.

It's like a crazed killer kidnapped these random people off the street and forced them to play out his stupid script.

A very long, unfunny SNL sketch spoofing disaster movies.

Great, the first thing that came onto the screen was the two words: The Asylum. And that pretty much sets a certainly low expectation to the movie, doesn't it? Yet, I still opted to sit down and watch the movie, given it was a natural disaster movie that I hadn't already seen.

Writer Marc Gottlieb put together a script and storyline that was very, very generic and predictable for a natural disaster movie. And trust me when I say that there are far better natural disaster movies with subzero temperatures out there. And there really is no particular reason to sit down and spend 85 minutes on watching "Ice Storm". So many things throughout the course of the bland narrative just makes you shake your head in disbelief.

The cast ensemble in the movie was relatively unfamiliar to me, which is usually something I enjoy in movies. However, the script in "Ice Storm" was every bit as frozen and rigid as the natural disaster was supposed to be, so the actors and actresses virtually had nothing to work with, and it showed on the screen. I was only familiar with William Baldwin.

Visually then you're not in for anything great here. But on the upside, then the effects weren't as bad as you might expect from a movie from the dreaded The Asylum movie company. However, nor was it among their best of work. It was, for a lack of better words, mediocre and bland.

"Ice Storm" was a struggle to sit through, and your eyes will probably freeze solid from boredom long before you get through the 85 minutes it runs for.

My rating of director Jared Cohn's 2023 movie "Ice Storm" lands on a generous two out of ten stars. Quite amazing that such laughable movies get made still.