DC Down

Rating Breakdown: Story - 0.25 :: Direction 0.50 :: Pacing - 0.25 :: Performances - 0.50 :: Entertaining - 0.50 :::: TOTAL - 2/10.

I've always had a soft spot for The Asylum's gleefully low-budget disasters, but DC Down (2023) manages to leap over their usual fence of mediocrity and nosedive into the pit of cinematic catastrophe. Geoff Meed, who serves as both writer and director, delivers a lifeless, tension-free story that squanders its promising premise-Washington, D. C., rocked by earthquakes and chaos-with dull characters and glacial pacing.

Eric Roberts and Sean Young headline the cast, but their performances feel as disengaged as the film itself. Roberts looks like he's daydreaming about his paycheck, while Young seems caught in a battle between boredom and disdain. The rest of the cast fares even worse, delivering performances that redefine "phoning it in."

The action sequences, ostensibly the highlight of a disaster thriller, are as thrilling as watching grass grow. Meed's direction, complete with overused shaky cam, turns every moment of supposed peril into a headache-inducing snooze fest. The film utterly lacks suspense, excitement, or even the campy charm The Asylum usually brings to its projects.

If you're a fan of the "so bad it's good" genre, lower your expectations-DC Down isn't just bad; it's exhausting. Save yourself the time and let this disaster of a disaster movie fade into obscurity.

Once upon a time, the Asylum created at least so cheesy and cheap rip offs, that you could gather your Friends, have a bottle of Whisky and have a laugh at the cheap CGI, the nonsensical dialogues, the cheesy acting and the horrible plots.

But nowadays we have reached a Point, where the Asylum "movies" got so bad, its not even funny any longer. You gather all your Friends, grab some cheap booze, sit through it, and in the end no one is laughing. Youre Just sad and feel horrible, knowing youve wasted an hour or more of your Lifetime.

I guess you really expected me to write a review for this, its Made by the Asylum, thats all you need to know.

Btw i still think the Asylum is some Kind of Money laundering sheme by the Mafia or the Kartells or Something. Theres not enough confused grannies, that accidentally buy this sh** for their grandchildren, out of pure confusion, to make this company profitable. Theres No way. There Just Isnt.

We 7! Reviewers are probably half of the people in the whole world that have Seen this "movie". And to be blatantly honest, i didnt pay to See it...

Poorly written story. They went out of their way to ensure they had strong female leads, but they failed miserably. Even the best characters just go through the motions. Weak characters and terrible plot. Acting was terrible and very wooden. Cheesy story. This type of movie is supposed to be suspenseful, but it was way too predictable. In scenes that are meant to be suspenseful, the characters are unbelievably "cool".

One of the characters was "Staff Sergeant" Rawlings, but he wore Master Sergeant stripes on his sleeves, and they were attached very loosely. This guy was always called "Staff Sergeant", but that is not realistic. And his assistant was an Air Force "private". The Air Force has Airmen, not privates. Didn't they do any research regarding the military?

At least the movie didn't contain a lot of offensive language or promote any particular agenda.

Don't waste your time. Find another show. Read a book. Take a nap. Anything but lose brain cells on this one.

From the getgo you know its produce from asylum so when you see crappy cgi and incorrect uniform and settings you know its their trademark. Spoofing other movies and not be acurate. This is one of their bad ones, i know their all bad but some are more watcheable then others. This is not one of themi know their trademark is copying other movies and telling the same story wile changing one word in the original title and remain legal copyright wise but after all these years you think they would atleast improve their cgi or be a little more acurate like putting the right uniform on someone and having the right grade on them.

Mr. Cushing's beard"-a follicular enigma. It sprouts forth like a determined dandelion, only to vanish mysteriously in the next frame. Was it a contractual clause? A follicular feud? We may never know.

Now, Eric Roberts-the villain with a twist. Picture him swaying, a tad tipsy, as if the script whispered secrets in his ear. Perhaps he sprinted from one set to another, fueled by adrenaline and a dash of liquid courage. But hey, who needs sobriety when you're chasing cinematic chaos?

And the CGI-oh, the fickle digital sprite. In one scene, it conjures dragons that'd make Tolkien raise an eyebrow. But wait, in the next, it burps up pixelated squirrels. Consistency? Nah, it's on vacation, sipping piña coladas by the rendering pool.

But here's the kicker: I enjoyed it. Yes, the rollercoaster of absurdity-the asylum movie. It's like that quirky aunt who shows up uninvited, spills tea on the carpet, and leaves you laughing. Because life needs a dash of "what just happened?" and a sprinkle of "why not?"

So, fellow viewer, embrace the beard fluctuations, raise a glass to Roberts' tipsiness, and play CGI bingo. Asylum movies-they're the wacky carnival where logic takes a smoke break. And remember, it's okay to laugh. After all, sanity is overrated.

There you have it-a review that dances between reality and whimsy, just like an asylum movie.