Love Rat

Let's keep my review as simple as I can by keeping to the following pointers .. Very.wooden acting- totally implausible plot with so many holes in it like managing to hire a car in seconds. Nobody recognises the hotel owner! Sally Lindsey knows how to load a gun. Her Daughter manages to book a flight and arrive in record time. I could go on and on and what amazes me is how it makes the screen at all by managing to get past producers , cameramen and even the actors who surely must have some input by recognising the poor script or holes in the plot . Even the extras in it were thin on the ground .

We started watching this because at first it looked interesting.

Steadily it descends to the level of 'El Dorado' (if you remember that) mixed with a particularly bad 'mills and boon' novel.

The acting is largely appalling and the characters wooden cardboard caricatures.

The plot holes are so many and varied you could drive a car through them.

The series generally has all the authenticity of a painted on sun tan.

But, it's saving grace, is it is so bad, it becomes comical. We ended up having to watch it to the end just to see the terrible acting and absurd script to the bitter laughable end.

Like others I have questioned - how did this get made ? It beggars belief

2/10 and that 2 is for comedy.

Whoever wrote this pile of garbage needs to go back to Comprehensive School and complete her CSEs. How on earth could such established actors could allow themselves to be dragged in to such an implausible plot, banal script and amateur dramatics direction. There were more holes in the plot than in Blackburn, Lancashire. The " clever twists" were not clever and were ridiculously predictable. Most importantly, how could Channel 5 be stupid enough to present it? I can only assume that the scriptwriter was the author's mother who is married to the commissioning editor. If it's so easy to get on screen I'm going to submit all my novels.

Seriously you need subtitles because I could not understand a word that came from the annoying brat daughter characters mouth. It was some kind of mermaid gobbledygook squealing language. It didn't help that the daughter was also an annoying and selfish character, only interested in mummys divorce money for her salon. The story and script was so amateurish that it made the actors look bad and this can't be so because there are some well known and experienced actors in this series. Are we really to believe that chunky, matronly unfit Emma can knock guns out of fit males hands and run from them? So many holes in the story and editing that one would think a school kid wrote the script. Lazy script but I'm quite sure everyone had a great holiday abroad enjoying the sun. Watch it without rolling your eyes if you can.

The 'infinite monkey theorem' suggests that a monkey hitting typewriter keys at random for an infinite amount of time would almost surely write any given text at some point, including the complete works of Shakespeare.

What people *don't* know about this theorem is that it also suggests that it would take that same monkey around only 3½ hours (including a 15-minute lunch break for a banana and a Kit Kat) to write the average 4-part drama for Channel 5.

And in the case of Love Rat, average is being kind.

It's abysmal. Whoever told Neil Morrissey he could act was a bare faced liar, as even up against the rest of this wooden cast he was particularly dreadful.

The daughter has to be one of the most unlikeable characters ever written (better luck next time, monkey) but thankfully she's not in it much. Less thankfully that means more time for the mother to waddle around Cyprus bouncing from gullible to stupid along the way.

I saw the ending coming from a mile away despite it being utterly ridiculous, and as for the final scenes - well, perhaps the monkey had had a lobotomy.

3/10

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