A Royal Christmas Crush

I don't generally review that often because it's Hallmark, & I mean, you know what you're getting into. This movie was terrible! The plot is chewed up, but fine, whatever. This ice castle is too unique to keep using over & over again, but fine, whatever. But the casting?? Katie Cassidy can barely move her new lips or close her mouth & she used to be wonderful from the days of Gossip Girl & on! Trying to watch her speak dialogue was painful. And if they really wanted Stephen Huzsar to have an accent, they really should've paid for a better dialect coach for him. That accent was half American, a quarter Valley, & 3/4 no one knows. And finally, it's 2023 - the bare minimum you can do is change the date on an iPhone so it doesn't show March 12th, 3:13AM in a text convo that's supposed to take place right before Christmas. There's definitely enough in the production budget for that. The only reason I finished this film is because I'm Type A & needed to cross it off of my Hallmark Movie Checklist. Would never recommend it to anyone.

Hallmark's Christmas in July original movies are either really great (Crashing through the Snow) or major duds, and this one falls squarely in the latter camp. An inane premise (some nondescript Royal Family commissions an ice castle to be built each year for them to spend the holidays), terrible casting (pretty sure the Prince's mom is about the same age as the Prince) and an insipid plot drag this one to the depths of barely watchable. The royal family hardly spends any time in the ice castle. Stephen Huszar's accent comes and goes, and he can't decide if he's supposed to do an English accent or a Nordic accent, so mostly it comes across as a half-hearted attempt at trying to be a snob. A papparrazo wanders around snapping photos at his leisure. Where's security? The only thing this movie had going for it is Katie Cassidy has the prettiest eyes, which apparently won over Huszar because they are now an item.

I am so sick of all this royalty nonsense. And before you start screaming Megan and Princess Diana, Princess Di's family were aristocrats. Her father and brother were Earls and her grandfather was the 7th Earl Spencer. Megan was in the "commoner" category, according to royalty experts. And by the way, if you're going to do a royal story line you could at least observe royal protocols. You don't touch a royal without permission but in Hallmark you sure do.

The saccharin sweet drivel Hallmark is pumping is getting more and more ridiculous. It's been rehashed so often it's become a sad little trope that has elevated redundancy to a whole new level. Just stop.

It's like the writers just said, "Hey, you know we could keep this royal story line as a template. Just change the location of the fictional kingdom, the names of the two love interests and voila! We're done.

I KNOW they have other creative ideas because I watched The Christmas Quest and The Finnish Line this year which were very good. And previously they offered My Southern Family Christmas, Christmas at Notting Hill, A Heidelberg Holiday and My Norwegian Holiday all of which were delightful . I love the ones where you expand the characters and we learn the customs and rituals of where they are from. Three Wise Men and a Baby and its sequel were excellent.

Come on, writers, wake up that gray matter and give us more than the obligatory flour fight in the kitchen, the Christmas tree lighting in the town square (with all 18 persons of the town), the misunderstanding (which occurs always in the last 15 minutes) and the reconciliation, which always happens so the movie can end Hallmark happy and everyone is smiling.

If you've seen one royal Christmas story ... That's not totally true, but this movie has most of the usual plot threads. There is an iron maiden who dislikes everyone. There is a rival for the prince's hand. Happens to be the daughter who happens to be the iron maiden's (or iron matron's) daughter. There is a skeptical set of royal parents. There is the prince's assistant who like most such characters has been with the family for years and cherishes him like his own son. The thing that threatens the romance between the leads, which I usually call the conflict, was a bit unusual but had the usual result. The ending is mostly predictable but too much over the top in a few ways. The fact that the plot is unrealistic never stops writers of rom/coms especially royal ones. This one goes farther than most.

As you might guess from what I've said so far, I didn't think the story had much in the way of highs or lows. The dialogue was flat. Some of the scenery, including the ice "castle" was interesting. I didn't see much chemistry between Katie Cassidy and Stephen Huszar, but that might have been because Cassidy struck me as too stiff in general.

1. If you are going to have a romance featuring a prince, get someone who can actually speak with a consistent accent or just don't bother. Stephen Huszar is a good actor and certainly didn't deserve this.

2. Come up with a new approach. Recycling the same old plot is sad. The interfering Brigitta who tries to besmirch the prince's love interest is just downright stupid! Credit us with more intelligence. Birgitta should have been fired and/or tossed in jail.

3. Does anyone who is staying in an Ice Hotel really get romantic? It is literally FREEZING! They are wearing coats and gloves throughout, yet they go get in a hot tub, which will result in them freezing when they get out. That scene seemed gratuitous so we could view Stephen Huzsar's chest. But Ava wears a jacket in the hot tub.

4. At the Royal Ball, the costumes were awful. What's with the woman in the tight yellow sausage dress?? Can't afford to hire anyone else?

DO Better, Hallmark!!!